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To not want Xmas day to become part of my mums dictatorship

(122 Posts)
Magicalsparkles Mon 22-Dec-14 15:39:03

Xmas day is at DMs this year, there will be 10 of us in total plus my 2 mo DD.
She has just sent my whole family a 'rota' of what our ' chores'will be on the day. It is all petty things like checking there is toilet roll, making sure there are enough coasters, that the candles are lit ect.. Things that people with common sence could check anyway.

She has written out the times to check these things and also said no baby stuff can be out as it makes the place look messy. She has also said that we are not to go in the kitchen where her, her dp, my nan and grandad will be as she does not want to be disturbed whilst cooking. (I am not 12 years old)

I understand Xmas is stressful as a host but AIBU to wish she would not try to control every aspect of everything and let us enjoy Xmas as a family rather than following a rota off pointless chores and rules???!!!!

Lottapianos Mon 22-Dec-14 15:40:51

Jeez OP, that sounds demented and very unreasonable. I smell burning martyr. Is she usually so controlling?

BerylThePeril44 Mon 22-Dec-14 15:41:34

I'm speechless! I think I'd be staying at home.

StockingFullOfCoal Mon 22-Dec-14 15:42:25

I'd tell her to fuck off and have dinner at my own home.

But I have zero patience with faffers, you're probably much nicer than I am fgrin

CornChips Mon 22-Dec-14 15:43:14

Hmmmm... does she have form for being controlling or is she just overwhelmed and trying to make it easier for herself? I rather fancy giving out a list of chores rather than nagging myself! But the no baby things seems to lean towards the controllig side.

FATEdestiny Mon 22-Dec-14 15:44:21

Now I'm a grown-up with a family of my own, I host the Christmas do each year and invite parents, in laws and my brother (who's on his own) to me.

Could you host next year OP?

StillStayingClassySanDiego Mon 22-Dec-14 15:45:36

God, she sounds a bloody nightmare, would you like to stay at home?

ThrowAChickenInTheAir Mon 22-Dec-14 15:45:58

Host-zilla fwink

Boomtownsurprise Mon 22-Dec-14 15:46:09

Tbh I'd hole up in the lounge with tv baby stuff out - if she's cooking what does she care? - the booze and nibbles.

And it would be my last at hers!

NorwaySpruce Mon 22-Dec-14 15:46:18

Don't go OP.

Just stay home, and have fun.

No one will die, the world won't stop turning, and your mother will get a reality check.

Actual grown people don't have to pander to others (unless they are being paid to!).

KnackeredMerrily Mon 22-Dec-14 15:49:02

At least you know wher you stand on the day

ouryve Mon 22-Dec-14 15:53:14

It would have been fine if she'd stopped at the rota - without putting times on it! As far as the rest is concerned, she needs to chill.

greenfolder Mon 22-Dec-14 15:55:30

huh? sorry does she normally need this level of control to cook a roast?

FishWithABicycle Mon 22-Dec-14 15:56:44

Don't go. It's obviously far too stressful for her to have so many guests and she's become unhinged.

cozietoesie Mon 22-Dec-14 15:57:34

Think how much you're going to enjoy next year in your own house!

(I'd start laying the foundations right away.)

titchy Mon 22-Dec-14 15:57:39

Hmmm somewhat surprisingly I think you may be slightly unreasonable, depending on how she usually is.

Asking everyone to leave her alone in the kitchen - fair enough. Some of us HATE people being there while we're cooking - even if they mean well they offer to help or suggest things which is pretty irritating when you have a plan for everything. She's telling you now so you don't get offended on the day.

A rota also sounds ok - you should all do your bit, and it makes sense to have chores divided up now rather than when everyone's too pissed to organise who does what.

No baby things - ok unreasonable, although tbh two month old babies don't need baby things, other than boobs/bottles and a comfy body to snuggle on.

Maybe she is just feeling a bit overwhelmed with hosting and wants it to be perfect?

cozietoesie Mon 22-Dec-14 15:59:15

Out of interest, has anyone else commented on the 'rota' ?

TheBatteriesHaveRunOut Mon 22-Dec-14 15:59:55

Were it not for the baby, I would say 'obey her every rule but make sure you get shit faced drunk.'

If you're not bf, get quite drunk. Or shitfaced if your dp/h is willing to be the driver. At any level of sobriety, take the piss. I would play some version of Kim's game, wait to see if she notices that someone's hidden all the coasters, or turned a cushion the wrong way up. Or play nag bingo (binago?) whereby you all write down 10 things you expect your mother to tell you off for, and whoever gets to cross off 10 first gets to spill something. Or they win a prize. Or steal all the cracker prizes. Or gets to draw something rude on their cracker hat.

Your mother sounds wayyyyyy too stressed to be hosting Christmas dinner.

What would happen if you backed out? And who the feck doesn't make sure they've enough loo roll in situ when they've guests?!

MrsKoala Mon 22-Dec-14 16:00:05

it sounds like a bag-a-laffs hmm

I think i would be taking the piss if my mum did that. how do the other employees feel? would they all laugh and take the piss too? would your mum see the funny side and unclench a bit if everyone made a joke of it? or would she wind herself up tighter?

ChristmasDawndonnaagain Mon 22-Dec-14 16:05:05

This was my Mum. She spends every Christmas with her husband now. That's it. Not one of us visits, even the one that isn't NC only visits afterwards!

BackforGood Mon 22-Dec-14 16:08:50

AYBU to do what ?

She does sound unnecessarily on edge. I think I would offer, if it's going to be so stressful having you there, to stay at home. The 'no baby stuff out' is ludicrous, as, to be honest are the rotas for toilet rolls and stuff.
Does she normally have issues like this ?

Mammanat222 Mon 22-Dec-14 16:10:59

Wowser, your Mum sounds nuts.

I'd be inclined to stay at home and have a day in my PJ's!

Golferman Mon 22-Dec-14 16:12:22

Sorry, but why do women put up with this craps from their mothers and MILs? I find the words 'fuck off' v useful in such circumstances.

ProcrastinaRemNunc Mon 22-Dec-14 16:17:47

D never normally recommend this but desperate times and all that:

I think you need to arrive at your allocated slot and proceed immediately to spike her drink. With luck she'll neither relax or fall asleep completely. Oh and burn the rota!

JassyRadlett Mon 22-Dec-14 16:18:01

Oh god, I'm not sure I would be able to resist the temptation to show up with a giant box of loo roll and a bulk order of beer mats and a deadly serious face. 'I know you were really worried we'd run out, Mum, so I thought I'd better come prepared'.

Or, as Batteries, says, hide the coasters and replace all the loo roll with empties, and scream 'NO FIRE NEAR THE BABY' any time anyone tries to light a candle.

Honestly? With a 2 month old I'm not sure it's worth the hassle, but with a tiny baby it is the perfect time for you to bring a little of the batshit crazy to the table (literally) to try to balance your bonkers parent.

I'm a little shock at those who think a coaster-checking rota is reasonable behaviour, particularly when there are only 10 people there. It's a lot to cook for but not 'run it like you are doing cleaning checks on shopping centre loos' territory.

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