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To be annoyed at BIL blase approach to contraception

(22 Posts)
BreakingDad77 Mon 22-Dec-14 15:07:54

BIL has been with a woman for about 6 months, she has had kids already but they are with another guardian.

BIL 'she has done couple test and think she could be - yeah so we going for blood test monday'
BD77 - 'So did she say she was on the pill and wasn't/ or you not use protection?
BIL 'well you know kinda both our fault, have told her I'm not ready

He's in 30's and already very flaky to his current daughter, separated from mother, they hadn't had any chats about kids etc yet no biggie to take the chance!

why why why dont guys bag it if they don't want kids! angry

RabidZombie Mon 22-Dec-14 15:10:06


LadyLuck10 Mon 22-Dec-14 15:25:07

Yanbu, the sound like irresponsible idiots who have no care In the world about creating children all over the place.Those poor kids.

naty1 Mon 22-Dec-14 15:25:32

Why waste gps time with a blood test?
Even ivf clinics dont bother.
I certainly have very little sympathy except for the poor child/ren.
Sounds like she wanted another to keep or because not taking responsibilty for any isnt worried about an extra.

Topaz25 Mon 22-Dec-14 16:12:12

YANBU, it's a worrying situation if they aren't taking responsibility for their existing children and they don't seem to be taking it seriously. Why are her children with another guardian? Are there any child protection concerns?

DisneyDivaWoo Mon 22-Dec-14 16:28:15

My husbands friend is like this angry

fairgame Mon 22-Dec-14 16:33:28

My 28yo DB is like this. He 'doesn't believe in contraception' - his irresponsible words, not mine.
He has 3 children but doesn't really enjoy being a father. Luckily SIL is responsible and has the implant.
I dread to think of the nasties he might have spread about over the years.

BreakingDad77 Mon 22-Dec-14 16:41:41

Hes one of those previously on and off benefits, working cash in hand, lies about everything, previously bit of dealing (not cards!) too to supplement it.

Has gotten a full time job (so he says) which is good but still never has phone credit but does have expensive hobbies, watches sky pay per view events etc.

I think she had some sort of breakdown after being assaulted, not by partner though.

naty1 Mon 22-Dec-14 16:43:24

Fairgame i was going to say the same about stds. Surely condoms for a few months as minimum?
If you have unprotected sex with every 6m relationship that adds up to a lot of people and when youre really having sex with every person theyve had unprotected sex with... Urgh!!

Jessicahyde85 Mon 22-Dec-14 16:52:07

Some people are just feckless like this, yanbu, however, its his ding dong and he can do with it as he wishes!

BreakingDad77 Mon 22-Dec-14 16:59:08

Thinking about it we had a preggie scare with his last GF as well.

Andrewofgg Mon 22-Dec-14 17:28:48

How is it your business?

AuntieStella Mon 22-Dec-14 17:34:32

It is of course possible that he is just giving a shrug answer with the intention of getting you to drop the subject as it is none of your business.

He's said both of them were at fault, but did not say why. I don't see why that rules out genuine contraception failure, nor why that is connected to his income.

DisneyDivaWoo Mon 22-Dec-14 17:54:42

My husbands friend likes to brag that they aren't using protection, maybe Op goes through the same thing?

Topaz25 Mon 22-Dec-14 18:34:31


It's the OP's business because if a child results they will be related to the child and concerned about their wellbeing. They might even be expected to look after the child if the parents were unable to. And what if there are child protection reasons that the woman's previous children were removed? A child's welfare should be everyone's business.

Andrewofgg Mon 22-Dec-14 18:43:54

Yes, OK, Topaz, it is in some wider sense the OP's business.

But not "everyone's".

And her BIL chooses to ride bareback with a woman whose previous kids were removed - which is not what the OP said - there's not a whole lot anyone, including the OP, can do about it, is there?

starfishmummy Mon 22-Dec-14 18:46:48

His and his partners business. Sounds like she was blasé too

BreakingDad77 Fri 02-Jan-15 09:00:50

Update, well they have been to docs and she is, we still waiting to see if they are going to keep it. Have also found she can only visit her existing kids via contact centre. So I am assuming that doesn't bode well should the keep this one?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Fri 02-Jan-15 09:10:56

Sell his story to the Daily Mail

TheLovelyBoots Fri 02-Jan-15 09:15:30

What a twat.

Andrew, isn't it possible that people like this might reconsider if they met with some familial disapproval? I can't imagine whose business it is if not a (close) BIL.

BreakingDad77 Fri 02-Jan-15 10:19:32

DW did have younger siblings taken into care as her and brothers new dad was abusive (jailed). DW and bro went to live with natural father.

DW wouldn't want to see them go into care, I would be happy to support her in this.

paxtecum Fri 02-Jan-15 12:42:10

I am aware that my view may be old fashioned, but as it is the woman who is 'left holding the baby' then surely the woman is ultimately responsible for the consequences of unprotected sex.
They are both being irresponsible.

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