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to ask for a settlement for divorce?

(14 Posts)
islanderin Mon 22-Dec-14 13:34:03

Dh & I have been seperated for two years as he has emotional & mental issues and cannot spend any time with me. He has been paying all my bills for rented apartment and living expenses, as my own business has been very quiet mostly because I moved around alot (4 new countries in 2 years).

Finally after me asking him for divorce he discovered thru a PI, that I had been seeing other men (nothing serious), and came last week to visit me with a divorce contract. He wants me to sign that we are divorced and says until I can support myself he will keep paying my bills. He will not agree to give me a settlement because he says there is no money left (from the sale of our house when he banked the balance). AIBU to hold out? I want closure but I don't trust he will continue to support me?

Andrewofgg Mon 22-Dec-14 13:43:58

Sign nothing without legal advice but be aware that depending on your and his age and means you cannot count on lifetime maintenance especially if there are no children.

Andrewofgg Mon 22-Dec-14 13:46:12

From your spelling thru you may be in the USA. My last post referred to England. But the advice not to sign without legal advice is good anywhere.

Quitelikely Mon 22-Dec-14 13:49:03

What! He spent the proceeds of your house sale!

Well I'm sure he will have to find the money to repay you or face jail.

You aren't allowed to purposely get rid of assets to avoid giving a fair divorce payout!

And if he is skint how can he pay your monthly rent?

Territt16 Mon 22-Dec-14 13:57:45

How long was you togather?
did you put anything into the house?

islanderin Mon 22-Dec-14 14:00:24

Thanks @Andrew.

@QuiteLikely thats a good point. He says he's just living off credit now. He lost his (very well paid) job in April and has been holidaying ever since.

islanderin Mon 22-Dec-14 14:05:45

@Territt16 -7 years. No kids. No £ ~ i redecorated it only and we made profit on the sale from that.

Thanks and AIBU?
Should I just walk away. call it all a big f*$king mistake!!
I have to relocate & qualify for legal aid, then get a job- not going to be easy! fsad

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 22-Dec-14 17:13:31

How much profit would have been made on the sale? Is that what has been paying your rent/living expenses for the past two years?

MissBattleaxe Mon 22-Dec-14 17:19:39

If it was a small profit and he has been supporting you financially for two years and will continue to do so until you are on your feet, then YABU.

However, if it was a big profit and he is trying to hide it, then YANBU.

WooWooOwl Mon 22-Dec-14 18:16:24

Why can't you support yourself now that you have been separated for two years?

You might have had to move around, but there's been nothing stopping you from going back to where you lived before marriage and sorting yourself out.

You'd be entitled to any money you actively put into the house, but it sounds like you've already had that while you've been being completely financially supported for so long.

You left him and had affairs, and yet you think he should pay for everything for you for 2 years after the split and indefinitely into the future?

You are being incredibly unreasonable. So much so that you probably aren't for real.

greenfolder Mon 22-Dec-14 18:20:56

good god.

assuming that there was no huge profit in the house and he has paid to support you, get divorced, get a job and move on with your life.

Cabrinha Mon 22-Dec-14 18:46:43

I can't imagine any profit caused purely by redecoration would have been more than the TWO YEARS of money you've had out of him!

Who bought the house? Who paid the mortgage? Was your 4 countries in 2 years to support his career?

You need legal advice got whatever country you're in, but 5 years and no kids I don't think you should be entitled to much. But it's impossible to know without knowing what you put in. Was it a jointly owned home? In which case, he may have committed a criminal act in not giving you your share.

islanderin Mon 22-Dec-14 18:56:29

well, thank you. I think @MissBattleAxe has the most objective point of view and its all been truly helpful.

many of these comments sound like those i hear second-hand coming from Dh's family.
you're right- I should let this disserting man who I always had open arms for
who banked the sale of our house
who went back to live with his parents telling me I should go somewhere far away and wait for him
who would never give me sex or have a baby with me- but said, "i look forward to that" when we married
& who I did support emotionally together as we worked in ANOTHER 3 countries

Just walk away with 7 of my most fertile years gone.

Who cares about money right, it can be earned again.
And you can't get back time.
Especially two years with each day thinking about him.

Thanks also @greenfolder.

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 22-Dec-14 20:37:24

Most of us were asking you questions because you simply hadn't given enough information in your OP to allow us to form an opinion or offer any advice islanderin. You still really haven't. And your question was about money, so we restricted ourselves to considering the finances. If you are looking for emotional support and/or advice you would be far better served by posting on the Relationships board.

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