To have my wedding reception with a 4ish month old baby

[slightlyconfused85]

My DP and I already have a DD who is 2 and a bit. He proposed to me in October and we began to plan a wedding for the end of May. As it happens, due to some confusion over ovulation (not long miscarried) and some less than careful practise I am pregnant again about 9 weeks along. We are pleased as we wanted another, however the baby is due end of July and I'm not keen to have a reception 7 months pregnant. I felt really crap with DD at that stage and know I will feel enormous and tired. Instead, I have an idea that Id like to have the wedding next December, as it will also be my 30th birthday. It would be local to our city. And fairly low key and festive! I will however, have the addition of a fairly young baby. I thought this would be easier in a sense, because he or she will be young enough to sleep in a buggy later, and there will be loads of people around to pass the baby if necessary! I realise there could've some crying etc but I hope all the family will help. I quite like this idea but I have had a few funny looks and expressions of horror from various sources that this is insane. Aibu or unrealistic?

[donotmakemeplaycharades]

erm, well...for many reasons my first thought was 'why would you want to do that to yourself!' (meant in the nicest possible way... )

Youngest DC is 5 months old, I do feel much better than I did when 7 months pg but not sure that I'd really want to get married right now, it would be ok but fairly stressful.

You never know what sort of sleeper your baby will or won't be (I was on the floor with exhaustion 4 months after DC2 was born, he was lovely but cried A LOT and didn't sleep much!).

I would postpone and set if for a date when you can really enjoy it.

[Pengyquin]

I did it with a 10 month old.

It was hell.

I certainly wouldn't do it with a 4 month old and a 2 year old!

Madness!

(oh and with first baby, I had just about lost the weight. With second baby, at 4 months post I was still nearly 3 stone overweight..he's 8 months now and I've still got 2 stone to lose. You may be different of course, but second pregnancies can be very very different)

[slightlyconfused85]

Ok, maybe I am bananas then. Just feel like I will be postponing it forever as The followings summer new child will be 10 months or so. My DD was more hard work at that age, crawling and needing a bedtime and solid food than she was as a tiny which is why I don't want to do it then either.

[SaucyJack]

I think it depends on the personality of the baby themselves- which you won't know at this point.

DD2 was a lovely baby- could easily have had an enjoyable wedding when she was small. DDs 1&3..... not so much.

[Pinksun12]

My cousin did it with a 10 week old. She arranged for a neighbour to look after the baby whenever things were getting too much for him. (Her mum died a few years ago, otherwise she would have stepped up I think).

[Gawjushun]

Go for it. It sounds like it'll be a laid back party, rather than a 'perfect' white wedding, and as long as you're flexible around your baby's needs then you should be ok. It would be a shame to keep pushing it back. Just make sure you have plenty of helpers in the run up to the day.

[GothicRainbow]

I think as long as you have a family member fully on board to do a lot of the childcare then it could possibly work.

Like you said 4 months is definitely easier than 10 months in terms of managing the day. If you do go ahead I would make sure whoever is going to be looking after your 4month old is given as much opportunity as possible to get to know the baby from birth so they are familiar with all their personality quirks!

[Suefla62]

Just go to the registry office and get married. You've two children to support, why waste the money on a reception.

[slightlyconfused85]

Thanks for the thoughts all. Because I would like to celebrate my marriage with my friends and family. It's not a huge fairy tale wedding.a nice dress, a buffet and a Christmas party in a local golf club 5 minutes from our home

[slightlyconfused85]

The money is already put aside. It won't stop us from being able to support our children!

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

It depends on what you would like for the day really. I'd personally be more relaxed about handing my two children over to a professional nanny or a team of relatives for the day to ensure they were well fed, rested and entertained when DC2 was 10 months rather than 4 months and possibly BF.

If you think you will spend the day juggling both children regardless then it makes little odds really. If family will pitch in to help, professionals aside, most people are more nervous around a v small baby than a rather more robust 10mo.

If you plan to BF, then it makes any outfit more of a hassle and the demands of your child will run the day's timetable, which is understandable but a little awkward.

You could bring it forward? Why wait until May if it's going to be small and civilised?

[LittleBlueHermit]

I got married with a 6 month old baby. We had a relaxed lunchtime reception and a morning ceremony. No dramas at all. It was a fantastic day. She got a little fussy during the ceremony (no actual crying though), but was fine once I took her back from my mum, and it wasn't a major interruption. I'm glad she was part of it.

As long as you're not attached to the idea of a perfect white wedding, and are willing to be flexible on the day to adjust to the baby's needs (feeds, naps, etc.), its absolutely fine. We'd discussed DD with our celebrant beforehand, so she was prepared if we needed short interuptions during the ceremony. Find a celebrant who's happy to include young children.

You also need to acept you probably won't be back to your old weight, and might not 'glow' as much as a childless bride (thanks to the sleep deprivation.)

I'd say 3-6 months is the ideal time, unless you're willing to wait till they're much older. Things have settled down from the newborn phase, but they're not mobile yet, and don’t get bored easily.

[whereisvioleta]

We did it with our three month old, it was just fine!

Admittedly it was a family only registry office wedding followed by a restaurant meal with our 40 ish guests (also in December in fact, so festive and low key as you said!), but it was really fine.

We had DD with us most of the time and had arranged that my mum and aunt would take her in the actual ceremony etc. And of course she was passed round all and sundry when she was amenable, and napped in her buggy too.

The only things I did differently to if it had been a pre-DD wedding was that I bf her and therefore drink apart from a glass of champagne (plenty of fab non alcoholic cocktails tho!), and we designed the day so it finished early evening. That worked fine for us and we had such a lovely day.

Go for it!!! Congratulations on your engagement and pregnancy!

[whereisvioleta]

*didn't drink!

[kittensinmydinner]

How did you feel when pg with dc1 at 4m ? for me the sickness had passed and wasn't yet completely exhausted... Could you bring it forward and then only have one dc to think about ? Big congratulations on engagement

[RedToothBrush]

DS is 16 weeks old. I don't think I'd think twice about taking him to an event of that nature. But he's an easy baby and even then he gets very over excited if there are lots of other people around and doesn't tend to nap during the day, resulting in much out of character screaming

HOWEVER I think I'd feel differently about hosting something.

Its the weeks (and months) in the run up which would be the killer in organising everything. Doing much out of the normal routine is difficult enough never mind a wedding.

Also, its not just as simple as leaving the baby with others either; I think you need to make sure you have someone who doesn't mind not drinking if you are running around after everyone else.

[lornathewizzard]

My daughter is nearly 5months, and whilst I'm pretty sure she'd be ok on the actual day, I'm not sure I would be. I've not got my confidence back about how I look, I'm tired even though she's only really up once at night and trying to organise even a small wedding would stress me out.
We got married when I was 28 weeks pregnant and I loved it, dress was amazing, everyone was lovely and relaxed and it gave me a bit of an excuse to move away from any traditions I didn't want to include without people making too much fuss. However, I had a fairly easy pregnancy.

[IdaClair]

I wouldn't even question it tbh. It's not like you're planning it at four days old. No one rearranges birthday parties, anniversary parties or Christmas because they have a baby.

And many people have christenings around that time.

I see no reason a wedding would be different.

[MrsKoala]

We did it with 4mo DS. It was fine in that he behaved and wasn't a grizzling nightmare.

BUT, because i was bfing it meant i couldn't drink much which was a bit miserable. Also i had to keep finding corners to roll down my dress and feed (not easy in a bandeau style - DH decided to do his 'why i love koala' speech and toast me without realising i was feeding and when everyone raised their glass to me a shout went out to find where i was and then every parted like the red sea to see me sitting with my dress down to my waist and a 'nude' under sausage thing on which meant everyone thought i was naked from the waist up - 'ummm cheers' i managed).

Also i hadn't lost all the baby weight by then and didn't feel great. I was still feeding a few times a night so was knackered - so much so i can barely remember it. I look terrible in the pictures and hate them. I was quite damaged after the birth so was still a little incontinent (so no dancing) and sex was still not possible at all.

I feel very sad that it was a shit experience really. I really regret doing it then and wish i hadn't.

[happygelfling]

We had a naming ceremony for ds when he was 6 months old. We also have a dd who was 2.9 at the time. It was a ceremony and buffet at our home (mostly in the garden) with about 60 guests. Might be similar in organisational terms to a low key wedding? We did the catering ourselves with help from our guests (many of whom brought a dish for the buffet) and had a humanist celebrant to perform the ceremony.
We had a lovely day and ds was at an easy stage - smiley and sociable yet immobile! All our friends and family spent time with both our children (in fact we barely saw DD!).
We did organise the timings to suit our children. The ceremony was late morning (after ds's nap time) followed immediately by lunch at midday, then finishing around 2:30 for both children to have an afternoon nap.
I think as long as you plan it to be sympathetic to your children's needs it should be fine.
Congratulations on pregnancy and engagement!

[slightlyconfused85]

Thanks all. Breast feeding won't be an issue, I can't due to a high dosage epilepsy medication that I take. Agree with the poster who says other types of parties wouldn't be rearranged, but I am interested in all your comments and experiences and am taking all on board. I think the reality is I would have to wait until the new baby is 2ish, and not sure it would be any easier then. I have a lovely, teetotal mum who I have no doubt would help with baby a lot.

[Karoleann]

We had our reception at a similar time, although, we got married in the Jan, when I was about 6 months pregnant and then had the reception in the September when DS1 was 4 months old.

It was really lovely, we brought childcare along with us and had a fantastic time. DS was not sleeping through at the time, so it took me a few days to catch up.

[slightlyconfused85]

Thanks Karoleann, we are quite likely to have the marriage early next year and just the reception after the babies born too, giving us one less thing to do that day.

[slightlyconfused85]

I feel pretty atrocious pregnant, and if my last pregnancy is anything to go by my sickness let up approximately never. I really don't want to get married feeling like this, and I prefered the sleep deprivation of my newborn hands down to actually being pregnant with her - it was over quicker!

So yeah, unless we wait a few years until we have two civilised children (10 years maybe?!) then there's going to be some level of baby involved!