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To ask dh not to go to work Christmas party

(368 Posts)
Edenviolet Mon 22-Dec-14 10:28:38

Dh has his work party and I really, really don't want him to go.

I'm tired and could really do with the help with dcs in the evening,my Dgm passed away yesterday and I'm quite upset and I would really rather he stayed at home.

He seems to really want to go, was talking about getting the train in rather than driving as usual so he can drink. I feel guilty that I will be ruining his 'fun' but I need him at home.

AIBU ?

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 22-Dec-14 10:33:22

So sorry to hear that your DGM passed away thanks

Im assuming this is the only Christmas Party his work are having this year, so I do think YABU if you ask him not to go. Wrt the kids, could he leave after theyve been put to bed? In what way is it difficult in the evenings (not saying this snippily, just trying to get a better picture).

YouTheCat Mon 22-Dec-14 10:35:44

Is there any point in asking him to go for a shorter time and not to get shitfaced or is it all or nothing?

Christmas parties are not compulsory and you need him.

ElizabethHoover Mon 22-Dec-14 10:36:26

yabu

Edenviolet Mon 22-Dec-14 10:36:54

He would have been going straight from work so wouldn't be home till after the party.

Late afternoons/evenings are hectic and tomorrow also is dd2 insulin pump change day and trying to change her cannula is always difficult if there's nobody else there to keep an eye on ds2(2).
I think I'm feeling overwhelmed too as I'm upset about Dgm and also I need to get the presents for all four dcs wrapped, due to DM being in hosp since 4 dec iam nowhere near organised.

I can see why he wants to go as he has not been out for a very long time, its just bad timing

Edenviolet Mon 22-Dec-14 10:37:48

The fact he's mentioned getting the train makes me think he will be drinking a lot

MisForMumNotMaid Mon 22-Dec-14 10:38:03

Very sorry for your loss.

Do you need him at home or help with the DC because you need to grieve?

If its the later does he have family who could help out? Could you take your DC and be with your parents so you can grieve together?

PurpleSwift Mon 22-Dec-14 10:38:23

In these circumstances of course Yanbu. He'll be dissapointed but tell him how you feel

waithorse Mon 22-Dec-14 10:39:13

Have you had a chance to get out and see your friends recently ?

Edenviolet Mon 22-Dec-14 10:40:17

Both really, help with dcs, and because I'm really upset, but then I feel guilty if I tell him he can't go

MisForMumNotMaid Mon 22-Dec-14 10:40:38

Either he wraps the presents or big box per child wrapped and each item loosely wrapped inside.

Edenviolet Mon 22-Dec-14 10:41:40

I haven't no, but if I wanted to dh would be fine with it. I've just been so busy with dcs, visiting DM, housework etc and now that Dgm has passed away I just feel so miserable as I was really close to her

AnotherEmma Mon 22-Dec-14 10:41:51

Sorry about your grandmother flowers

Given what's happened I understand that you'd want him at home to support you. It seems inappropriate for him to be out having fun and getting drunk while you're grieving. However work Christmas parties are a good opportunity to bond with colleagues so I think it's important to go. How about a compromise - could he just go for a little while and then leave early? People would understand if he explains his wife has just lost a family member. I wouldn't want him to stay out late and get drunk either. But if he insists on going, is there anyone else who could come over to support you? A friend or close family member? x

FunkyBoldRibena Mon 22-Dec-14 10:43:32

Crikey - on the scale of bereaved wife and kid with issues, versus a piss up with work - what sort of man trots off to the works do without a second thought to the family?

Of course ask him as you need him at home this week to be there for you.

spamanderson Mon 22-Dec-14 10:50:38

If it was me? I'd ask DH to stay and he'd be happy with that as he's an antisocial bugger just like me but if he was wanting to go, I think Id try to meet him halfway, like ask him to drive and only stay for part of it. None of his colleagues would blame him for leaving early etc knowing the circumstances.
Sorry for your loss OP.

CakeUpWall Mon 22-Dec-14 10:54:11

Really sorry for your loss. thanks My Nan died several years ago and I still miss her dreadfully.

It sounds like you have an awful lot to cope with at the moment. I'm quite surprised that your DH is planning to go at all, but even more so that he's planning to get drunk.

However, if it is important that he attends the Xmas party (and I realise that sometimes it is important, professionally, to make an appearance at such events) then I would suggest that he drives. Doesn't drink (obviously,) then comes home at a reasonable hour after showing his face and making the right noises to his colleagues.

Is there anyone else who could help you out until he gets home?

RoseberryTopping Mon 22-Dec-14 10:55:42

I'd be a mess if my grandma died so YANBU IMO.

Would you be ok with him going for a few hours then coming back? Or is that just the same as him going the whole hog?

Sorry for your loss flowers

CakeUpWall Mon 22-Dec-14 10:57:35

X-posted with spam, who was far more concise than me!

Good luck OP, please try to take it easy whenever possible over the next week. This is a horrible time to be trying to cope with more stress than usual.

Edenviolet Mon 22-Dec-14 10:58:24

Its just a difficult time of day as need to get dcs bathed, dd2s cannula changed etc etc so even if he went for a short time he still wouldn't be there when I needed the help.
Nobody else who could pop round either, dsis has had a breakdown and dh's mum is unwell.

ThinkIveBeenHacked Mon 22-Dec-14 11:02:51

Let him go, but give him the job of wrapping all the gifts by christmas.

peggyundercrackers Mon 22-Dec-14 11:08:01

I think yabu

Edenviolet Mon 22-Dec-14 11:08:24

I do feel guilty as I know its been a very bad few weeks, I'm considering seeing if ds2 has a nap today doing dds cannula then and then dh could go for a short while.
I just really don't want to be at home by myself either

Bowlersarm Mon 22-Dec-14 11:09:32

Sorry about your grandmother, but YABU if you stop him going when he's been looking forward to it.

AnotherEmma Mon 22-Dec-14 11:11:04

"Its just a difficult time of day as need to get dcs bathed, dd2s cannula changed etc etc so even if he went for a short time he still wouldn't be there when I needed the help.
Nobody else who could pop round either, dsis has had a breakdown and dh's mum is unwell."

In that case could your husband come home to help and then go to the party later on? So he would arrive late rather than leaving early?

Nerf Mon 22-Dec-14 11:12:27

Hedgehog, I've followed lots of your threads and you have a lot as a family to deal with. I do think you should send him off and let him enjoy it - you both have a lot to deal with and a bit of fun for him is probably invaluable. I also think he goes, but he wraps the presents tomorrow or he looks after the kids while you wrap them with a wine and some decent telly.

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