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To think that no one should be allowed to adopt 34 children

(161 Posts)
ReallyTired Mon 22-Dec-14 00:21:56

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-30386348

It is impossible mother 34 children. I feel that it immoral to adopt so many children. 34 children stops being a family type enviroment and more like an orphanage. I feel it impossible to give sufficient attention to so many children. It's not like a normal family as many of the children are close in age and have complex needs. No one naturally has 34 children.

Pico2 Mon 22-Dec-14 00:23:47

You're absolutely right, those children were much better off where they were confused. Do you have a better solution?

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Mon 22-Dec-14 00:29:30

Well some people do naturally have 34 children but thats besides the point.

These people seem to have made life a lot better for some of those children than they could have hoped for without being adopted. That is a good thing in my book.

mrscumberbatch Mon 22-Dec-14 00:29:36

I wish that I had the money/house/family support to be able to do the same.

Linskibinski Mon 22-Dec-14 00:31:50

I think it's amazing. I can imagine Christmas is costly but they seem to manage finances well. Imagine where those kids would be without them. I'm fine with it tbh fgrin

Bulbasaur Mon 22-Dec-14 00:33:56

Yes, how dare they give 34 children a better life with more opportunities. Those assholes.

NorksofPlenty Mon 22-Dec-14 00:34:01

Yabu I'm afraid. I was with you until I read the article. What an amazing couple and what a heartwarming story, most of those children would now be dead or enduring traumatic and painful lives if they hadn't been adopted. Whilst I agree it's not a 'normal' family environment, they appear to have done a reasonable job of caring for, educating and making the children feel loved and I don't think there's any denying its immeasurably better than the orphanages or homes they came from.

SoonToBeSix Mon 22-Dec-14 00:36:20

The alternative wasn't a " normal" family" though was it op.

Cabrinha Mon 22-Dec-14 00:37:33

Well, no it's not the same as having a small family and lots of parental attention.
But even if it is more like an orphanage, is it a happy place and better than where they would have been?
Certainly for the children mentioned with serious medical needs from countries where adoption was unlikely and local provision likely to be bigger orphanages than 34, I suspect it is.

zaracharlotte Mon 22-Dec-14 00:39:17

Its not normal, I agree, but there seems to be a lot of love in those photographs.

Much better than the alternative.

AgentZigzag Mon 22-Dec-14 00:46:21

YABU.

I read the story earlier, and while I would normally wonder how the parents of large families can realistically give each one the emotional care usual in western society, this couple are totally amazing people.

It says about one of the children they've adopted 'Ten-year-old Andrew from Bulgaria is blind and suffered from a traumatic brain injury. When Jeane and Paul first met him, he was five years old and weighed only 17lb (7.5kg).'

DD2 is five years old now and was 9lbs odd when she was born, and to think this little lad at the same age was only 8lbs more than she was when she was born is incredible.

I can only think you've just posted a random story without reading or understanding what they've given these children, who were actively disliked in the places they lived in some cases, or are shit stirring because you're bored.

MsVanRein Mon 22-Dec-14 00:46:22

Sorry YABU.

It's far from being a 'normal' family dynamic but they are giving those children the opportunity to have much better lives. More than one of them said they would probably be dead if not for the fact that they had been adopted by that family .

What an amazing couple and a beautiful family.

IgnoreMeEveryOtherReindeerDoes Mon 22-Dec-14 00:46:31

Bloody amazing story to read

MuttersDarkly Mon 22-Dec-14 00:48:04

It's a thing in American Evanglical/Quiverful Homeschooling circles.

This is not pretty reading.

www.patheos.com/blogs/lovejoyfeminism/2013/04/saving-children-from-africa-a-quiverfull-adoption-fad.html

I first came a accoss the concept of large scale adoption in religous homeschooling families about a year or so ago it when the home schooling blogosphere paid a lot of attention to the news that a "famous" homeschooling blogger had killed herself leaving a large number of children, many adopted, behind.

There was the suggestion that this particular religious bent is putting a lot of women under horrendous pressure to go aspire to adopt far, far more children than they can cope with. Particularly since they are not necessarily equipped to deal with the spectrum of phsycial, mental and emotional needs of so many children who have had a really rough start in life.

Chippednailvarnish Mon 22-Dec-14 00:51:25

Yes, how dare they give 34 children a better life with more opportunities. Those assholes Bulb that made me laugh!

11 of the children are aged over 18, so saying they have 34 children is misleading.
Mind you OP you seem to take such joy in posting nasty goady threads I'm guessing you knew that.

AgentZigzag Mon 22-Dec-14 00:53:20

How lucky that you were around at exactly the same time as this thread was posted so we could learn about the evils of whateversonyouragenda MuttersDarkly.

Cabrinha Mon 22-Dec-14 00:54:33

Haven't read your link yet Mutters but the one thing that made me hmm in the link was the mention of homeschooling. Which I'm sure suits many children. But I also think regular school is preferable for some personalities so it made me a little uneasy that all were homeschooled, a feeling that it was about the parents not (all) the children.
But still very possibly better than the alternative.

Cabrinha Mon 22-Dec-14 00:57:41

Mind you, with that many kids school could just be impractical!

ReallyTired Mon 22-Dec-14 00:59:02

Adopted children sometimes suffer from attachment disorder. International adoptions of older children can be harder because of having adapt to a new culture. It is hard as an adult to emigrate and leave everything you know. International adoptions of older children can fail.

I feel a better way of helping those children would be to sponsor them. The ideal would be for the children to be fostered in their own community. where appriopiate children should be able to have contact with their family. Children need to learn and keep up their own language and culture.

34 is not a natural family size. Not even the Duggars have that many children. I cannot see how it is possible to all those children the attention they need. I cannot see that such a situation would get approval from a UK social worker.

glampinggaloshes Mon 22-Dec-14 00:59:48

Wow op. Merry Christmas to you and may you find love and laughter somewhere in your life too

SellMySoulForSomeSleep Mon 22-Dec-14 01:08:16

I've just cried reading that. Bloody hormones. I'm glad that there is people like that in the world willing to adopt. Would I rather be in an Orphanage or with a massive slightly different family if I had to chose?

ReallyTired Mon 22-Dec-14 01:10:28

23 children is still far too many. Could you cope with 23 children? Many of these children have complex special needs and possibly psychological issues.

I am sceptical that everything is a bed of roses. One in three adoptions breakdown in the UK.

www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/8283942/When-adoptions-go-wrong.html

I imagine that any adoption can have its problems.

These children need a lot of attention and it's not possible to give lots of attention to 23 children.

ProcrastinaRemNunc Mon 22-Dec-14 01:19:09

RT. Just because you know you couldn't cope, does not mean you know others can't. If this story is anything to go by, they clearly can.

Referencing failed UK adoptions is quite I relevant, given this family have been adopting since the mid 80's. The only failed adoption mentioned, being that of two children which could not come to fruition due to a law change.

This, immense, beautiful family all seem happy and healthy. I would imagine (in contrast to your imaginings), that their home life, while not necessarily conventional is a lot of fun, supremely supportive and close.

With such a massive amount of support, I would imagine those with 'complex special needs and psychological issues' would absolitely thrive, rather than flounder.

What an amazing upbringing!

ProcrastinaRemNunc Mon 22-Dec-14 01:19:10

RT. Just because you know you couldn't cope, does not mean you know others can't. If this story is anything to go by, they clearly can.

Referencing failed UK adoptions is quite I relevant, given this family have been adopting since the mid 80's. The only failed adoption mentioned, being that of two children which could not come to fruition due to a law change.

This, immense, beautiful family all seem happy and healthy. I would imagine (in contrast to your imaginings), that their home life, while not necessarily conventional is a lot of fun, supremely supportive and close.

With such a massive amount of support, I would imagine those with 'complex special needs and psychological issues' would absolitely thrive, rather than flounder.

What an amazing upbringing!

ProcrastinaRemNunc Mon 22-Dec-14 01:19:20

RT. Just because you know you couldn't cope, does not mean you know others can't. If this story is anything to go by, they clearly can.

Referencing failed UK adoptions is quite I relevant, given this family have been adopting since the mid 80's. The only failed adoption mentioned, being that of two children which could not come to fruition due to a law change.

This, immense, beautiful family all seem happy and healthy. I would imagine (in contrast to your imaginings), that their home life, while not necessarily conventional is a lot of fun, supremely supportive and close.

With such a massive amount of support, I would imagine those with 'complex special needs and psychological issues' would absolitely thrive, rather than flounder.

What an amazing upbringing!

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