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AIBU?

To ruin Christmas by telling dh I am pregnant?

113 replies

Chocolatewispa · 21/12/2014 09:24

I have just found out I am pregnant. Af is not due till Xmas eve. I don't want to tell dh until then incase it turns out to be a chemical. I have done a frer and clear blue both bfp. We have a dd 14 months who was not planned. Dh was angry and upset the whole pregnancy making the whole experience miserable.
I just started taken the mini pill (after 14 months of withdrawal method!) this month. I don't think I have taken it the same time every day:-(
If I tell dh on Xmas eve it's guaranteed to make Xmas crap. If I don't tell him he will suspect by my lack of drinking. I am so sad that this won't be a wonderful surprise for him.

OP posts:

Report

ArchangelGallic · 21/12/2014 09:27

Why are you still with him?

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 21/12/2014 09:28

Are you happy about it?

Congratulations :)

Selinasupreme · 21/12/2014 09:28

I would stick the positive pregnancy test into his bottom and leave.

I have anger issues though.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 21/12/2014 09:29

It's your Christmas to.

I believe contraception is both party responsibily. If he didn't want a 2nd child he should have used a condom.

maddy68 · 21/12/2014 09:29

Agreed^^

WeAllHaveWings · 21/12/2014 09:29

the time of year shoud be the least of your worries.

He sounds like a charmer. Takes two to make a baby especially when you both consented to the withdrawal method.

HollyJollyXmas · 21/12/2014 09:30

I'm going to be brutally honest with you. If you didnt want a baby and he was so horrified by your first pregnancy...why on earth have you been using the withdrawal method for over a year? He cant exactly be in a state of shock when to discover that you are pregnant, can he?!

In terms of telling him, what do YOU want? Do you want this baby? Are you happy in this relationship? You can feign illness as a reason not to drink if you need to buy some more time to think this through. You dont HAVE to tell him anything until you are sure about how you feel and what you want.

Good luck.

Chocolatewispa · 21/12/2014 09:31

I knew he would come good with dd and he has. Don't get me wrong he is a wonderful farther and husband. I just know the shock of this news is not going to be pleasant. He will worry about the practical and money side of another dc. We are ok with both but it will make things a bit tighter money wise for a bit.

OP posts:

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 21/12/2014 09:31

Withdrawal is hardly the most reliable method of birth control. Presumably he knew this and understood it could result in a conception? But now that you're taking the mini pill it's ok to assume that it's your fault that it has failed? This is complete bullshit and I'd be looking at why I was staying with an ill tempered fuckwit who blamed ME for conceiving HIS child.

FrontForward · 21/12/2014 09:32

Exactly what Holly said

DoubleValiumLattePlease · 21/12/2014 09:32

A wonderful husband? When you don't dare tell him that you are - with his help - pregnant? Ok then.

DandyHighwayman · 21/12/2014 09:32

I get that dc1 was unplanned, so if he did not want another child he should have taken on prevention of conception himself.

You are frightened of him, yes?

Charlesroi · 21/12/2014 09:33

He should have used contraception so has no right to be annoyed with you.

Pragmatically - just tell him you have a dodgy stomach, so you won't be drinking. Tell him the truth on Boxing Day, and if he kicks off leave.

Congratulations anyway.

Chocolatewispa · 21/12/2014 09:34

I am so happy about this news :-) I have always wanted another. I guess I thought that the next time it wouldn't be another accident. Somehow the withdrawal method worked but the bloody mini pill failed.

OP posts:

simbacatlivesagain · 21/12/2014 09:39

Hmm, but is you are pregnancy testing this early you must have been expecting it or hoping? Most people accidentally pregnant find out later rather than sooner.

MrsPatrickDempsey · 21/12/2014 09:39

You can never pinpoint exactly when you conceived so it may have happened just before or at the time you started the mp. It takes two to tango - it's not all your fault.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 21/12/2014 09:41

I get HG in pregnancy which means I find out very early. Some women just know they are pregnant.

Chocolatewispa · 21/12/2014 09:42

I decided to buy a test yesterday as I feel pregnant just like first pregnancy; headache, sore boobs, nausea, flushed face. I had af last month so shouldn't think I'm more than 4 weeks.

OP posts:

Fairenuff · 21/12/2014 09:42

If it will ruin Christmas don't tell him. Tell him you can't drink for at least a week as you have an infection and need antibiotics. Once he gets used to the idea of you not drinking it won't concern him any more. That will at least sort Christmas out for you.

Tell him in the New Year.

Tinkerball · 21/12/2014 09:43

Your definition of "wonderful husband" and mine must be completely different! And no you can't say you just knew he would "come good" when your DD was born either, because that's taking a huge gamble.

AppleAndBlackberry · 21/12/2014 09:44

My DH found the idea of a 2nd child fairly stressful, it was a difficult time tbh but he didn't blame me for getting pregnant. Unless you've actively lied to him it's not your fault. In our case we actually were trying, I just don't think he had really thought it through! He is a good Dad but the baby stage was stressful for him and hard for me as a result. In some ways two is easier than one after the first couple of years because they play together and entertain each other.

Ashwagandha · 21/12/2014 09:45

Congratulations OP! I'm pleased that you're delighted.
I have no advice on the DH front, but I do want to stick up for the withdrawal method. It is statistically as reliable as condom use. The only real mechanism via which it can fail is when there is failure to withdraw. When used 'properly' it's a good contraceptive method with no side effects and no long term health risks.

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debbriana · 21/12/2014 09:45

Now this is what annoys most. If you don't want to get pregnant you should act responsibly. It sound like he does not want a child or children and you do. You seem smug about it.

He silly for for thinking that the withdraw would work 100%. I just don't get the mentality.

People on here advising you without
Criticising your actions , I find it distasteful. Yes , you can leave him but you already know what might have.

Anyway, think about what would best for your family. Give an excuse about taking paracetamol for cramps. Some people get them two days before there periods begin.

You are not allowed to drink while on painkillers.

NewEraNewMindset · 21/12/2014 09:45

My god some people have a very strange concept of what a wonderful husband and father looks like. I would consider my relationship dead in the water if I was scared to tell my partner we were pregnant. Are you sure your relationship is a happy one OP?

I assume you are suggesting your husband will blame you for the contraception failure and you are scared of the fall out from this. If you really think it's going to make for a difficult Christmas then it sounds reasonable to wait until you are both back into your regular work routine and tell him then.

Dipankrispaneven · 21/12/2014 09:46

When did you stop using the withdrawal method? Doesn't it take time for the mini pill to become fully effective?

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