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I love my dh and DC, but to admit my ideal Christmas would be spent alone

(68 Posts)
twoopsie Sun 21-Dec-14 08:54:32

When I was younger I often spend Xmas alone \ with one friend \ doing charity work.

Looking back at this, I know these were the best christmas. No stress, no agro, no rushing around.

I work long hours just to pay the stupidly high mortgage and just want more time to do nothing.

Does anyone else feel like this?

AuntieMaggie Sun 21-Dec-14 09:01:37

I do but for different reasons - I'd love to just spend the day in bed relaxing.

ilovesooty Sun 21-Dec-14 10:03:40

Be careful what you wish for. It's not so much fun when you have no choice year in, year out.

meltedmonterayjack Sun 21-Dec-14 10:08:34

Sounds great in theory but I agree with sooty. Everyone around me are with family and part of something and I feel very alone. I could go to friends but unless I'm with my own family I don't want to be 'taken in' by someone else's if that makes sense. It reinforces exactly what I don't have myself somehow. From now till 27th I have nowhere to go and nothing to do. I can't wait for it to be over.

happinessisabutterfly Sun 21-Dec-14 10:11:12

Being stress free at Christmas means you have no one to love and no one to love you.

If that's what you want then you are not being at all unreasonable.

But is it really? hmm

hagarthorne Sun 21-Dec-14 10:12:39


Would love some time alone, so would dh. Nothing to do with not loving people. Just space would be so welcome.

happinessisabutterfly Sun 21-Dec-14 10:14:50

It has everything to do with not loving people when you have no one to spend the day with.

This thread is bloody awful.

dreamingbohemian Sun 21-Dec-14 10:18:13

Is it really christmas you want to be alone for, or do you just want some alone time generally?

I've spent some christmases alone and they were actually quite nice, so I know what you mean... but it sounds like maybe you just crave some time to yourself. Can you take any time off soon?

I think you're a little bit unreasonable in that christmas is what we make it, so if it's too agro every year perhaps you can start doing things differently to make it less stressful?

ilovesooty Sun 21-Dec-14 10:19:09

Agreed, happiness

I have all the space I could ask for since my mother went to a nursing home miles away and my sister made it clear I wasn't included in her plans for Christmas.

happinessisabutterfly Sun 21-Dec-14 10:20:17

I'm so sorry ilovesooty sad

I've lost both parents and a sibling, my partner left me and I have no children.

So I'm not feeling very sympathetic towards this thread. I think it's crass.

madsadbad Sun 21-Dec-14 10:23:55

Being stress free at Christmas means you have no one to love and no one to love you

Eh, Im stress free and love many people and many people love me

happinessisabutterfly Sun 21-Dec-14 10:24:53

You didn't start a thread saying that Christmas alone was lovely and stress free though did you? hmm

twoopsie Sun 21-Dec-14 10:28:07

Bull, that's not what I started and stressfree does not mean no one loves you!

tinselfan15 Sun 21-Dec-14 10:30:05

Yabu. I work very long hours too and so does my dh. Which is why I absolutely cannot wait for Xmas so I can have some quality time with him and my family.
I do understand the need for some alone time. Really do. Just not on xmas. And if you find xmas preparations too stressful, scale down a bit or get dh to help more.

ilovesooty Sun 21-Dec-14 10:30:48

I'm sorry too happiness

I agree it may not be the thread the OP meant to start but it was pretty thoughtless.

happinessisabutterfly Sun 21-Dec-14 10:31:45

Twopoosie your ideal Christmas would be spent alone?

Okay. How about your husband leaves you and your son passes away and you've got no stress at all because there's no one to cook Christmas dinner for and no one to buy presents for. While everyone else is hanging decorations and wondering about the Christmas pudding you don't have to worry about that. Isn't life great! On Christmas Day you get to sit and watch TV and read. Oh but Boxing Day too - and Christmas Eve! Woop. Yeah. Life's fucking amazing when it's stress free. I just love the fact my family are all dead so I don't need to spend Christmas with them.

Insensitive and unfeeling.

twoopsie Sun 21-Dec-14 10:36:03

Butterfly you should hide this thread, that's not what I started I'm just wanting some alone time.

Why don't you do charity work? I loved working in honless shelters but it is difficult to get shifts on Xmas day, but the days after are difficult to fill so might still need people

JeanSeberg Sun 21-Dec-14 10:36:10

You've effectively said in your opening post that Christmas was better pre husband and kids. I find that sentiment fairly offensive to your family.

If you'd have come to post that you would like more alone time, that would be a totally different concept and there's many ways you could go about achieving that.

Be ultra careful what you wish for, let alone the message this is sending to your kids.

ilovesooty Sun 21-Dec-14 10:41:38

Yes it's difficult to get shifts on Christmas day. I tried and I work with vulnerable people - even with contacts I couldn't manage it. And the days following- the working days between Christmas and New Year? I'm working. It's Christmas and Boxing day I need filling.

happinessisabutterfly Sun 21-Dec-14 10:41:46

I do volunteer already. I hate the way doing charity work is seen as the cure-all for those of us alone. I'm just not going to find a charity that needs or wants me for forty eight hours over Christmas.

I don't mind Christmas and I don't begrudge anybody a lovely Christmas but to say you WANT this - you want to have no one - that's awful.

JeanSeberg Sun 21-Dec-14 10:43:28

Big pat on the back to you op for all your charity work. It's clearly given you zero appreciation for what you have now.

IfNotNowThenWhen Sun 21-Dec-14 10:44:01

I read the OP as "no Argos" and, while I am all for that, I agree that it's a rather insensitive sentiment to publish on a thread read by thousands.
One of the things I hate about xmas as it is now, is the endless stream of advertising images of family perfection, and jolly times. It just makes me think about all the people who don't have nice families to eat with, or no money to buy nice food and presents. There are millions of people whose Christmases do not even remotely resemble the TV ideal.
This would all be a lot easier for all concerned if people would stop making such a big deal of Christmas. It gets worse and worse every year, the hysteria and pressure. I lost out of the number of people who said to me " are you ready for Christmas ? " from December 1st onwards.
It's supposed to be a nice relaxing holiday of resting, fending off the dark, and eating well. Not world war 3 or the royal flipping wedding. If people resisted the push advertisers who tell, the how xmas should be done, those who have no one to be with might not feel so very alone.

twoopsie Sun 21-Dec-14 10:45:47

Its just 48 hours surely you can find something you like doing and do it?

I'd love to make a good soup, pack it in a Thermos. Go on a walk for a couple of hours, come back to a bubble bath, sit around the fire with something nice and watch a film

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh Sun 21-Dec-14 10:46:11

You have a husband and children but would rather spend Christmas alone hmm
I think you're doing Christmas wrong in that case. Why don't you find a way to de stress Christmas and enjoy it with your family?

happinessisabutterfly Sun 21-Dec-14 10:48:05

I'm not bothered about Christmas. I'm not bothered about TV adverts or people asking me about it.

I wish people would let me be sad because I am sad not because 'Christmas makes it all worse' - we'll yes it DOES but only because you keep going on about it. I wish people would let me miss my family and partner, I wish people would let me want a baby.

But no. I don't really miss them and I don't really want a child it's just because "it's Christmas."

And as for charity work - I won't even go into what I think about that.

A brief longing for a quiet Christmas is understandable but what you don't get is you have options. For those of us alone we don't.

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