Talk

Advanced search

To be going away for Xmas while my partner has to work.

(20 Posts)
livedtotellthetale Sun 21-Dec-14 01:05:22

My DP works nights and has to work xmas eve and xmas night working from 5pm to 7am he isnt a great lover of xmas and is happier that he has New years off which we will spend togther.
His Son has gone to Italy with his mum for a week so he wont be seeing him either.
Every year for as long as I can remember me and the DDs who are 18 and 19 have gone back to my home town for xmas and have a great time and when I was on my own with the DDs was a godsend.
The dds love it and always want to go and spend xmas with there Grandma and cousins.
My sister just got divorced this year so its a hard one for her and always welcomed me and the DDs for xmas every year at her home, my partner and his son came with us last year.
A friend I was telling today thinks I am being really selfish leaving my dp here on his own and should have stayed and cooked him dinner and he could have spent some hours with us xmas day.
The thing is he will have to sleep some of it and then be gone by 4.30 in the evening back to work.
The DDs would have been upset if we didn't go back and although my family would have understood they would have been upset too.
My DP has said he will be fine and he can sleep and have pick of the tv and I will make sure there is nice food for him.
We are only going for a couple of days and back the 27th. But my friend thinks I am selfish and I should have stayed here this year.

zaracharlotte Sun 21-Dec-14 01:11:28

If your DP is happy, fuck everyone else.

Yambabe Sun 21-Dec-14 01:14:41

YANBU. Your friend however is an idiot and needs to butt out. Just cos she would choose to "sacrifice" Xmas with her family for a DP doesn't mean you should. Your DP on the other hand sounds like a really nice guy who understands you well.

Have a lovely couple of days with your family, phone, text or even skype DP as often as you both need to while you are away and tell your friend to get a life and stop worrying about yours. wine

SorchaN Sun 21-Dec-14 01:18:09

If your partner isn't bothered, then you should go back home and have a good time. You'll get to spend time with him at New Year anyway.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Sun 21-Dec-14 01:28:15

I am working Christmas and tbh honest if DH wanted to take the DC away I would be happy.

Then do presents and dinner ect on thier return.

Discopanda Sun 21-Dec-14 01:31:41

YANBU, if he doesn't mind then you should just go away and have a lovely Christmas. Your friend should keep her beak out.

Fuckmath Sun 21-Dec-14 01:38:57

YANBU

It's between you and your DP and family, nothing to do with your friend

I think it all sounds fine

livedtotellthetale Sun 21-Dec-14 02:08:46

Thanks, she just made me feel lousy about it today, To be honest I am thinking he is looking forward to a bit of peace after dd1 returning from uni and all us women back togther

NormaStits Sun 21-Dec-14 02:09:27

Perhaps she doesn't know what it's like on night shift. My partner does night shifts and we never see each other on night shift days. Like you say, when he's gone he'll be sleeping and he'll just get up at tea time /afternoon for breakfast and be gone again. So you'll sacrifice family Christmas for the sake of a couple of hours with him.

Though tbh, even if he was around longer, what's it to her? Your dp is happy with the agreement so ignore her opinion.

NormaStits Sun 21-Dec-14 02:09:27

Perhaps she doesn't know what it's like on night shift. My partner does night shifts and we never see each other on night shift days. Like you say, when he's gone he'll be sleeping and he'll just get up at tea time /afternoon for breakfast and be gone again. So you'll sacrifice family Christmas for the sake of a couple of hours with him.

Though tbh, even if he was around longer, what's it to her? Your dp is happy with the agreement so ignore her opinion.

NormaStits Sun 21-Dec-14 02:09:28

Perhaps she doesn't know what it's like on night shift. My partner does night shifts and we never see each other on night shift days. Like you say, when he's gone he'll be sleeping and he'll just get up at tea time /afternoon for breakfast and be gone again. So you'll sacrifice family Christmas for the sake of a couple of hours with him.

Though tbh, even if he was around longer, what's it to her? Your dp is happy with the agreement so ignore her opinion.

Purplepoodle Sun 21-Dec-14 08:15:31

Listen to your dp, his is only opinion that matters

Some people get really funny about people spending Christmas alone, I think they project how they would feel onto the situation.

If your DP is ok with you going away then there is no issue.

Goingintohibernation Sun 21-Dec-14 08:40:19

What everyone else said. You are happy, your DD's are happy, your DP is happy, your friend is wrong.

misskangaandroo2014 Sun 21-Dec-14 08:45:45

My DP frequently works Christmas (night shifts) and we've (DD's and I) have stayed away. YANBU. How your families arrange their time together is really your business!

Tobyjugg Sun 21-Dec-14 21:21:56

Sounds like he'll have a better Xmas than many posters on MN. Do as you please YANBU.

Cooki3Monst3r Sun 21-Dec-14 21:31:49

This is totally fine!!! No point in all of you having a rubbish Christmas!!!

I've never had to work over Christmas, but I would imagine having to do nights, catch up on sleep and then feeling like you need to make a Christmasy effort with those who have stayed behind would be even worse than just working and getting through it.

You can have another Christmas when you get back, can't you??

Marmot75 Sun 21-Dec-14 21:42:13

I'm working between Christmas and New Year and my husband is taking our son to visit his family. I'll miss them but it's fine with me. I'm not aware anyone thinks he should have stayed home but if they do it's none of their business really is it.

DejaVuAllOverAgain Sun 21-Dec-14 21:49:54

Go and celebrate christmas with your family then celebrate the new year with your DP. It sounds as if he'd prefer that anyway. YANBU

MaryWestmacott Sun 21-Dec-14 21:55:07

Right, this is one of those 'blended family' issues - I assume she is looking at it from the view point of someone who's been in a couple without DCs or with DCs where the children are only that of her DP.

When you start a committed relationship without DCs, then yes, it's normal for that to become the primary relationship in your life and 'trumps' relationships like your parents/siblings. So if your DP couldn't come to your family christmas, it would be normal to spend it with them.

However, you have DDs from a previous relationship. Your DDs take priority over your DP.

Your DDs are at an age where there's not many more years where they will want to do a 'family Christmas' with you, or evenif they want to, may have DPs of their own to 'take in turns' who they see. They have a family tradition of going to your old hometown, why should their mum having a partner take priority over that?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now