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to think that unless he bothers buying a gift before my birthday, there's no point in giving me one at all?

(14 Posts)
OstentatiousBreastfeeder Sat 20-Dec-14 23:07:23

DH does this every year. He doesn't buy me anything, not even a card, until the day of my birthday, when he'll ask me what I'd like him to buy me, so he can pop to the shops at 10am to buy it.

He doesn't understand why this lets the wind out of my sails, and I tell him not to bother. Every year he asks, every year I tell him to just forget about it, and every year he gets grumpy because I'm being 'weird and stubborn' in not just saying what I want.

AIBU or is there really NO point unless he's put some actual thought into it? I may as well just go buy my own ffs.

It's my birthday and I am grumpy fangry

Theselittlelightsofmine Sat 20-Dec-14 23:10:43

Happy Birthday thanks

AgentZigzag Sat 20-Dec-14 23:14:34

Cheer up, it's your birthday!! cake

You have to accept that this is the way he works, either drop heavy hints as a countdown to the Big Day and what's expected of him, or get yourself a pressie that'd be twice what he would have shelled out.

What did he get you in the end?

Is he thoughtful in other ways?

I don't think you're being unreasonable, but you have to be realistic, no point in setting yourself up to be disappointed every year.

GoodKingQuintless Sat 20-Dec-14 23:14:39

Happy Birthday!

Is your dh taking the day off work every year for your birthday? (I am assuming they dont all fall on a Saturday/Sunday)

CaptainAnkles Sat 20-Dec-14 23:15:46

YANBU. DH has done a similar thing before with Mother's Day and it is bloody annoying.

NormaStits Sat 20-Dec-14 23:22:27

While you shouldn't have to, could you send him an Amazon wish list several weeks before the event, telling him to pick a selection of gifts from there?

My partner and I do Amazon wish lists, it makes things so much easier. You can add things all year round and you still get a bit of a surprise because you don't know which of the gifts you'll be getting, unless you prefer to specify. We also use the wish list as inspiration to buy other related items.

You can add things from other websites and shops if you install a thing onto your browser, so you're not limited to things only on Amazon.

This possible solution aside, yanbu. He is lazy and thoughtless. I hope you don't go out of your way for his presents.

feelingunsupported Sat 20-Dec-14 23:23:30

Yanbu - dp and I had a huge row on my birthday one year as he'd not bothered. I'm no princess but I was really upset. It's not too much to ask that he remembers in advance.

Dp is shit at presents and I was always disappointed by his lack of effort so we've stopped doing gifts. Before each others birthday we book 1 night in a hotel in a city near us. Dc goes to granny and we spend a night reliving our early years together --getting drunk, dancing and heading back to the hotel early for a cuddle'

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Sat 20-Dec-14 23:28:47

Thank you for the birthday wishes grin

He doesn't 'do' his own birthdays. Even so I do make an effort with DS to make it special and he does seem to appreciate it.

I outright told him what I wanted this year, so that didn't work. He probably forgot what it was.

He ordered us a takeaway and said he'll make it up to me. Pfft.

HerrenaHarridan Sat 20-Dec-14 23:47:17

My ex used to be similar to this

16.30 the night before he would suddenly stress and flap about going to the shop, borrow (and fail to repay) money from me and then run to the shop by some chocolates which he refused to wrapping. (Wasteful) and the ingredients for his favourite meal so he could cook it 'for me'

fellathebunny Sat 20-Dec-14 23:53:22

Grumpy birthday here to, especially as its the big 40. Spent day doing normal chores. No present from the kids as he didn't get round to it. Also the constant asking what do you want, I manage to get your presents without asking. Doesn't help its that time of the month.
Oh well the gin had helped. Happy birthday!wine

SolidGoldBrass Sun 21-Dec-14 00:00:50

Some adults really don't see the point of adult birthdays. As he isn't fussed about his own, he's clearly one of those people (have read threads before about men who expect a lot of fuss over their own birthdays but barely manage a bunch of petrol station flowers for their wives' birthdays). Is he OK in other ways - kind, good company, good in bed, a man who treats you with respect and does his share of the housework? Or is he generally fairly indifferent to you?

Theas18 Sun 21-Dec-14 00:09:46

Happy birthday!

I wonder if pretty much all men are like this? My dh doesn't run around on the day, but he would the day before. Then get something that was nice in a " that's nice..." Way rather than " that's amazing how did you know it was just right " way.

As discussed in another thread my dh doesn't really manage presents. I think through fear of getting it wrong maybe. So I've resigned myself to choosing ( and if needs be buying- our money is our money that isn't a concern for me) my own presents. He'll get me a few bits - a bottle of baileys and some nibbles say for xmas so he has made a " surprise" and I play the same game the kids do with their stockings and am very happy with them, and all is well.

I've decided it's no biggie really - after 30yrs together I'd rather not go back to the " interesting " presents of our younger days - a heated foot muff for my 21st iirc was very wtf - though appreciated later in a freezing student flat studying. Or the pendulum wall clock I got a year or so after we wed - thought it's still going so I shouldn't be ungrateful.

fatlazymummy Sun 21-Dec-14 08:47:57

So he buys your birthday present on your birthday, and asks you what you want so that he doesn't buy the wrong thing. I don't see what the problem is, really.
When he asks you what you want at 10 am why don't you just tell him so he can go and get it?

gamerchick Sun 21-Dec-14 09:03:12

I'm with you OP if you want to be a boring twat over your own then that's fine. It's nice to be considerate of your partner who likes a bit of thought.

My husband isn't Into birthdays but he'll book a week off work when it's mine and I do the same. Will help the kids get something that will make me grin and something from him.. In advance!

It doesn't take much to make your OH feel special, even if it isn't all bells and whistles all out jobs. Going put on the day with a list does not make a person feel thought about. Just another chore to tick off.

Happy birthday OP.

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