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To just not go out on a 'night out' again

(17 Posts)
askyfullofstars Sat 20-Dec-14 18:56:52

Had a nice meal out followed by a few drinks/cocktails with my work mates last night. We had a lovely night, mostly, but it did seem to be ruined a little bit by lechy pissed men.
Maybe it has always been this way and Id just never noticed before, but, last night I randomly had my bum touched (more than once) and some bloke reached between me and someone else to put his drink on the bar and quickly grabbed my breast. Said 'oo sorry that was an accident' and fell about laughing with his mates.
There was enough bloody room between me and the other person at the bar for him to have stepped in and put his drink down, so it wasnt like it was a tight squeeze.
It was happening to girls in every bar we were going in and just made me feel really uncomfortable. When I was younger you always had some pissed bloke telling you you had "nice tits" or offering you a drink but you could usually just get rid of them with a no thanks and a turn away. Am I imagining it or have things just got worse? They used to be a pain youd laugh about with your mates afterwards, but now it just seems so aggressive.

ClashCityRocker Sat 20-Dec-14 18:59:23

YANBU.

I went out 'up town' at DNs request the other week.

Never again! However I'm not sure if it was worse now or if I've just grown less tolerant,

treaclesoda Sat 20-Dec-14 19:01:01

I think it's always been this way since I can remember but the difference is that now it makes me furious whereas when I was younger I think I thought it was just 'one of those things'. And now that I know how unacceptable it actually is, it makes me notice it more.

TenMinutesEarly Sat 20-Dec-14 19:01:41

It was Mad Friday last night. You will never ever see me out on Mad Friday it brings out the wordy in people.

joanne1947 Sat 20-Dec-14 19:04:34

touching your tits is sexual assault, He was WRONG YANBU

notagainffffffffs Sat 20-Dec-14 19:08:37

Yanbuim not 30 yet but it is way worse than when I was going out at 18.

Bogeyface Sat 20-Dec-14 19:10:15

I am not sure it is worse, but that our tolerance as we grow older changes. When I was younger and someone made sexist comments or did something that made me uncomfortable I would say nothing and slink away, I didnt have the confidence to say anything. Now I always call men on it and yes I have been called fucking frigid, no sense of humour, man hating lesbian blah blah.... but it doesnt bother me at all. When I was younger that would have really embarrassed me which is what they wanted of course.

I saw being groped by a random stranger as horrible and something I didnt like so I got out of the way. Now I see it for what it is, sexual assault and I would make a fucking huge fuss about it, but I am in my 40's and I know that the law is on my side. I didnt know that 20 odd years ago, I just though we had to put up with it.

A certain type of person who is plastered, "gods gift" to sex and thinks they are the last word in wit, will always be like this. Women do it too, and the poor guys are often taken even less seriously than women who are assaulted.

So YANBU to never go out again, I dont bother as it just not worth it.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Sat 20-Dec-14 19:11:31

Horrible nasty beast. What he did was assault which is a criminal offense.,

MoreBeta Sat 20-Dec-14 19:14:46

Actually I think this is a trend that is growing and I think it is something to do with the economic and social climate since the financial crisis.

It is difficult to put my finger on exactly but it seems to me there is an increasingly violent and oppressive and exploitative attitude being expressed by men towards women in private, public, social and work settings.

Not sure if it is that men have sensed women are in a more vulnerable position and that they have to 'just put up with it' or because men themselves are under more pressure and so are more aggressive as a result.

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 20-Dec-14 19:14:50

Agreed, never go out on Mad Friday, not that what happened was excusable at all, but it really does bring our the drunken worst in lots of people, who've been our drinking all day.

That said, I remember having my crutch grabbed in a club once, when I was about 21. Vile. I don't think it's a new thing.

LapsedTwentysomething Sat 20-Dec-14 19:15:23

Crutch? Crotch!

Bogeyface Sat 20-Dec-14 19:19:38

That is a good point about mad friday, finish work early, go for a drink and then everything ends in a total blur. These are often people who dont drink regularly but somehow think "ITS XMMMAAAAAAAASSS!!!!" excuses everything.

Basing that assumption on every work Xmas I have experienced, so quite a few. Ime the regular drinkers are not the problem.

CyclopsBee Sat 20-Dec-14 19:28:57

Last year I went on a works do, we had a meal and then drinks at the bar. Myself and a friend were at the bar waiting to be served and a bloke squeezed in between us and blew in my friends face shock
Well, he picked the wrong person and she gave him a right telling offgrin
But the whole place was full of drunk, lechy men,
I hate going out, YANBU

askyfullofstars Sat 20-Dec-14 19:32:43

I understand about it being 'mad friday' but thats the only night we could all manage.
I just never remembered nights out ever being that intimidating (and I worked in Ayia Napa for three years, so Im no stranger to crazy drunken nights out smile )I definitely agree with the idea that maybe my tolerance level for this has dropped, and now Im older I can see this behaviour for what it is.

alwaysstaytoolong Sat 20-Dec-14 21:02:34

I don't think it's any worse (all out of order though!). I'm mid 30s but remember being touched so often in late teens. Hand put up my skirt etc and once bitten on the shoulder by a man while wearing a halter - necked dress!.

Also punched in the face aged 18 after telling a man to fuck off after he grabbed my boob.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Sat 20-Dec-14 21:08:28

Yanbu. I hate going out. And I would never go out on Mad Friday ever.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude Sat 20-Dec-14 21:14:34

YANBU op.

I was assaulted in a club a few years ago at christmas (he put his hand up my dress and tried to get under my pants) and my then 'friends' said i was over reacting when i screamed at the man. Wish i had reported it.

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