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To do this to make a point?

(18 Posts)
midori1999 Sat 20-Dec-14 17:53:41

DH and I have been together for ten years. I have 3 DC from my first marriage and we have 2 DC together. All live with us.

DH's parents always send a card/gift/money for the children we have together, but never for my DC from my first marriage. This is a bone of contention as my DC are old enough to realise they don't get anything from DH's parents and DH agrees with me but doesn't like any upset/fuss/confrontation so won't mention it. They obviously aren't obligated to get anything for my DC, but I can't imagine behaving in the same way. This year they have sent a cheque for £50 in a card for the two youngest and not even a card for the others. DH just says it's fine, we'll buy all five DC something for £10 each.

WIBU to post a picture on Facebook (DH's family like to stay in touch this way and will expect us to post pictures of the DC with their gifts from them) of all five DC with their gifts and a Thankyou to DH's parents to try and prove a point? I'm sure it is a bit unreasonable at least, but this really grates on me.

Bulbasaur Sat 20-Dec-14 17:56:13

Or you could just talk to them directly instead of being passive aggressive. Just thought I'd put that out there as an option.

All your children are part of the family, I'd just be direct that they either give to all or none. No excluding.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Dec-14 17:56:21

I think it's really off they send nothing for your older dc's.

My step grand parents have always given gifts to my brother and I for Christmas and birthdays.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Dec-14 17:56:59

Your husband should have had a word with them about it well before now rather than leaving you to (understandably) stew over it.

bobs123 Sat 20-Dec-14 18:00:31

Do your DC from your 1st marriage get anything from their dad's parents? If so, do they also give to the other 2 dc? you have to look at it from all points.

joanne1947 Sat 20-Dec-14 18:06:48

My oldest DD has a child aged 7, he is wonderful. Her husband left her 4 years ago and she is now wiit a new partner who has a 5-year-old son with his ex wife. My DH and I will buy presents for both children, roughly equal for both of them as our daughter's DP will have his son with him when they visit us just after Christmas. Both are our grand-children now so we aim to treat them equally.
I think the OP's parents-in-law are wrong and the OP is right and INBU

misskangaandroo2014 Sat 20-Dec-14 18:09:35

It's pretty lousy of them. Your DH needs to make it clear their gift goes to all his children, genetics irrelevant.

PumpkinsMummy Sat 20-Dec-14 18:11:24

I really don't understand this view. Surely all children in a family are a blessing, and should be welcomed and loved. Even if a child is not biologically related doesn't mean you have to have less of a relationship. I have a DN, DH's biological nephew but I love him as much as DH. Your PIL's are dicks, and I would ask your DH how he would feel if it were his bio children being left out in favour of yours.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 20-Dec-14 18:18:25

But bob, the op's younger children are not part of her ex partners family, it would be quite odd if the grandparents of the older children bought for children they have nothing to do with.

Her older children are part of her DH's family and by extension his parents.

Yambabe Sat 20-Dec-14 18:23:35

You've let this go on for TEN YEARS?

Good grief. After the first couple of years I would have been returning gifts if given and making it perfectly clear that any cash given would go into a family pot and be spent on everyone.

I have what I suppose is a step-step GC if that's even possible. My DSS1 split from his first partner after having DGS and is now engaged to a lovely lady who has a DD from a previous relationship. This is the first year of them being a proper part of the family (they were just dating and hadn't really met each others DC this time last year) and we have bought gifts for both of them. They are not quite of equal value but only because DSGD had a specific thing she wanted which was a bit cheaper than the specific thing DGS wanted!

Your PIL are dicks.

AlpacaStockingOnChristmasEve Sat 20-Dec-14 18:23:55

I would buy a big 'family' gift for all dcs to share and post a picture of everyone enjoying it to make the point

Maybe a nice big selection of snacky foods and dvds, or tickets to the cinema and sweets etc..

DoJo Sat 20-Dec-14 18:31:01

If your children from your previous relationship still have a relationship with their paternal grandparents, then perhaps your in-laws only give to your joint children to make it 'fair' so that all children have presents from the same number of grandparents. Or perhaps they are awful bastards. Either way, asking them why they do this would surely be a better way to resolve the issue than public photo 'shaming' which might not even get the message across.

MammaTJ Sat 20-Dec-14 18:45:20

This is just way off my radar from both ends of the step parenting spectrum. I was step mum to a 9 yr old DSD and my DM and DSis (the only family I have) bought for DSD immediately. Even before DD1 was born!

Then as s single parent to DD, I met DP and his family totally took DD as their own! They bought for her all the way along until she ignored them! They treated her no differently to my DC, who are their blood relations and they have been fabulous!

I would not accept any different!

Do it, share it amongst all 5, subtly or overtly! Either is fine! Good luck in the future!

needaholidaynow Sat 20-Dec-14 19:07:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MammaTJ Sat 20-Dec-14 20:16:35

You're not wrong, but she also stropped off and moved out due to interference from so called friends of mine so I am actually grateful she still speaks to me. She had a lot of poison put in to her mind at that time.

alwaysstaytoolong Sat 20-Dec-14 21:19:50

If these were my SDGC I would include them but I never expected anything from my SDM family when I was growing up. Still wouldn't.

I'm sure my Step - Mum gives more to her DS than she gives to me and my brother as adult SDC. Of course she would; he's her child. She's never made it obvious though and I certainly wouldn't point it out or be offended by it.

Babiecakes11 Sun 21-Dec-14 00:40:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ReginaBlitz Sun 21-Dec-14 00:46:23

If your older kids get something off their grandparents then there is no issue, as then it wouldnt be fair on the younger kids getting 2 sets of gifts. If they dont then yes it is selfish.

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