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Am I being unreasonably selfish?

(33 Posts)
brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 19:39:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lucciana Fri 19-Dec-14 19:40:41

You shouldn't give to receive.

pudcat Fri 19-Dec-14 19:44:19

Nothing wrong with second hand baby things. But wrong to look down on people. Don't give if you can't give graciously.

MozzchopsThirty Fri 19-Dec-14 19:44:45

I get where you're coming from hmm

My mother would give me a list of things she wanted for Xmas and would then buy me nothing (despite buying for her bf and neighbour)

We no longer have a relationship

Although we don't give to receive, you should expect thoughtful gifts from family

NaiceNickname Fri 19-Dec-14 19:45:33

You don't have to spend the money you do. Especially if you're so resentful about getting nothing or not much in return.

Sorry but YABU. As above, you shouldn't give to receive.

Rivercam Fri 19-Dec-14 19:46:04

The value of gifts don't matter, but the thoughts. A well thought-out £10 present, is better than a unthought-out £20 present.

If you resent spending so much, don't! Buy smaller, cheaper presents.

oswellkettleblack Fri 19-Dec-14 19:46:19

Quit putting yourself out for these people. They don't appreciate it. Take teh stuff back and treat yourself to something nice.

brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 19:47:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VitalStollenFix Fri 19-Dec-14 19:54:55

If you are unhappy about it - stop doing it. You don't have to. If they complain, then tell them how taken advantage of you feel and that it really isn't about the cash but about the thought.

Do not empty your bank account to buy gifts for a start, that's just daft. Put a sensible limit on gifts.

Don't disclose your financial details to people. They don't have any business knowing what you earn.

Say no.

brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 19:58:40

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LadyLuck10 Fri 19-Dec-14 19:58:48

Er they can take you to all the shops pointing out what they want, but it's your choice to buy it for them. Just don't do it.

anothernumberone Fri 19-Dec-14 20:01:30

You are not selfish for buying and giving presents. You are unkind for looking down on your sister getting second hand clothes for her child lots of people use hand me down or second hand clothes. I am a bit hmm as to why you would put that comment in a parenting site. I will wait with baited breath for your updates.

peasandlove Fri 19-Dec-14 20:03:56

Stop buying,for them. They're taking you for granted. Just say seeing as they don't buy for adults ( you) you'll just buy for the kids in future

brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 20:04:37

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anothernumberone Fri 19-Dec-14 20:08:18

You might want to read through your OP to remind yourself of your view on second hand clothes for the sake of consistency. You were hardly complementary when you suggested they weren't decent, you underlined it if I recall.

brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 20:10:43

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primarynoodle Fri 19-Dec-14 20:12:09

I can see why you feel like that

but yabvvvvvvu for judging someone for second hand stuff for baby. if more people did this when they had a kid on a low income they would be far less broke, I think its highly sensible.

brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 20:15:42

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brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 20:17:17

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mix56 Fri 19-Dec-14 20:19:55

Just buy whatever you want for the baby. (& maybe your Mum if she needs a coat etc). Just tell them its time for the adults to call it a day
Don't go over the top, they clearly won't be ruining themselves for you, they appear to believe you earn pots of money, & you say you are emptying your account, which is clearly ridiculous.
If you are only appreciated for your generosity, then they need a wake up call.
I always handed on my baby stuff to friends, they were always delighted, second hand baby stuff makes perfect sense. Don't be usedJ

YoullLikeItNotaLot Fri 19-Dec-14 20:22:29

Ok so your sister would like to buy new clothes for her baby but her partner won't let her. The second hand clothes are badly fitting and worn out. And you're sick of her complaining and moaning.


Your sister's done well for herself eh? A financially abusive husband who'd sooner his child Wore unsuitable clothes and a sister who thinks she means too much.


brokenhearted55a Fri 19-Dec-14 20:22:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peasandlove Fri 19-Dec-14 20:26:40

Gotta love aibu... grin

YoullLikeItNotaLot Fri 19-Dec-14 20:32:11

My sibling works part time but didnt earn very much. Less now they have a child

My sister HATES the second hand stuff for the baby....they can well afford new stuff but her partner won't allow it

The second hand clothes they did get were barely useable. Very very old and shrunk in the wash most of them and rough and faded. That's why she was so pissed off

Her partner spends lots of money on himself but bought barely useable, rough, shrunk faded old clothes from ebay. Also a second hand car seat and mattress if you must know....both of which are safety risks

I get sick of her moaning and complaining so I bought her some new things

They are also not on a low income.....far from it. he just wants to keep his money to himself. Prob why he hasnt married her and they dont have a joint account

Hassled Fri 19-Dec-14 20:37:09

So you've shown a lot of care and thought towards your sister and her situation, but she's not returning the same level of care and thought towards you?

Talk to her about it. She won't know how you're feeling unless you tell her - she's got a young baby and a miserable relationship and presumably a lot on her mind.

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