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AIBU?

False allegations

55 replies

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 17:08

Have name changed but may get outed on this one because I have to include in it some personal information which will correlate with my main name account.

A family member has my property which was given to her without consent by my abusive mum who has since died. I want the stuff back so sent her a polite request for my stuff. Anyway I have now been hit with a formal cease and desist letter in which it claims I regularly check her social media for information about her children. All I stated was I occasionally check Twitter to see pictures of my nephew and niece because I am not allowed to see them in person.

I have been down the police station this afternoon as the letter implies a complaint has been made with the police. They have not made a complaint so far, but a few years back they tried to misuse their position as doctors to get me put under a section 136 of the MHA. I spoke to the police sergeant at the time who said he was not sectioning me as it was down to the police, not my sister to make that judgement call and his judgement was I was stable.

I am very upset by this. Police today said her behaviour was ludicrous and just go straight ahead to small claims. I am seeing a solicitor for advice but cannot do this until January 8th as they are all booked up now.

What has upset me the most is when my mum died my sister blocked me from knowing she was dying and blocked me from the funeral. Mum was not mentally competent to make decisions for herself in the last decade of her life and it breaks my heart that in the end she died all alone. She died just before midnight and sister had left her and gone to bed.

I am not a career criminal, in fact I have a clean record and am upset that I am being treated this way.

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seesensepeople · 19/12/2014 17:14

I don't think you really want this in AIBU.

Seems like there's an awful lot of backstory here...

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 17:17

I posted here for traffic and need advice as I cannot see solicitor until January.

There is tons of back story. Lots. I just need advice, but if the mods can think of a better place to put the thread then they are welcome to shift it.

I am just so upset by all of this.

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LaurieFairyCake · 19/12/2014 17:22

Is the stuff actually worth anything to you? If it's just sentimental stuff (the most important) then it's probably tied up in your mums death.

If it's of monetary value up to 5k (I think) you could just do small claims court online with no solicitor and it would be much cheaper

Can you definitely prove its yours?

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 18:11

I can prove some of it is mine but not all.

I am more angry than anything.

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LaurieFairyCake · 19/12/2014 18:29

Your anger will not be ameliorated by any of what you can accomplish legally.

Stick to trying to claim for what you can prove, get some counselling to come to terms with what's happened to you, and curse those bastards loudly in your head

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 18:36

I will see what solicitor says. I want to claim for emotional distress for not being told mum was dying but not sure how so I will see what he says.

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kungfupannda · 19/12/2014 18:42

"I want to claim for emotional distress for not being told mum was dying"

You won't be able to do this. Focus on the property you can prove is yours and keep it as factual as possible.

emotionsecho · 19/12/2014 18:46

I don't think you will actually be able to claim for emotional distress. You will be able to claim for the return of your belongings/or money to the value of them, and possibly have a case regarding harrassment.

Family cases like this are notoriously difficult, you are right all you can do at the moment is make no contact whatsoever with your sister and family and wait until you see a solicitor in the New Year for proper legal advice.

WillkommenBienvenue · 19/12/2014 18:53

If the property was given by your mother then they own it (I think, I'm not a legal person). You would have to prove that your mother took it unlawfully or without your consent. Is it really worth all the hassle?

If they are doctors they have a lot to lose if you prove that they have done something wrong (like steal your stuff or trying to getting you sectioned under false pretences). This might explain their zero tolerance attitude.

Your sister had no right to block you from your mother's funeral - how did she manage this?

They sound absolutely horrible. Try and rise above it all for now, the truth always comes out in the end.

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 19:05

It is a bit of a long story re the funeral.

Basically in 2008 I lost my job and although I was stable at the time, when I lost my job I got very unwell with depression. At this time my mum came to my assistance like a Knight in shining armour explaining that I needed to see my house as I could not afford it on incapacity benefit and she would manage my financial affairs as I was so ill. I thought this was a great idea as I had zero motivation with the depression and so agreed to sell my house. When it was sold my mum made me sign this thing that said all the proceeds should be put in her account so she could help me budget and then one day they just left the country in my car and I found myself homeless and in debt.

I still kept in limited contact with parents until end of 2012 when dad came to visit. Ds was 9 months old then. SS had been involved due to my MH issues but they had closed the case. SS recommended no contact with parents but said they legally could not stop me. Anyhow dad threatened to put ds in road and let him crawl in traffic so I threw him out my house. Dad was laughing saying nobody would believe me and he was telling mum I was delusional again. Anyhow everyone did believe me, psych did, SS did and DH did. However my mum did not believe me and so refused to speak to me again.

6 months later mum got Dx with terminal cancer and came back to UK for the free NHS care. She died in Oct but I only found out by chance in Nov when I read BIL Twitter feed, so was upset about that as I still loved her even though she was a bit of a cow.

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mommy2ash · 19/12/2014 19:19

what stuff do they have belonging to you as to be honest with all the back story it would have be of extreme importance to me to fight to get it back with these people.

steff13 · 19/12/2014 19:22

Are you trying to get back the money and the car, or something else? Frankly, these people sound horrible, and I'd probably let the possessions go and cut ties with them.

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 19:24

a £300 light shade, a second cheaper lightshade, a dining room table and some books. They have offered the books back though and are admitting to them but none of the other stuff.

What has upset me the most is this allegation "you are trying to obtain information about my children" because I admitted I sometimes look at pictures of nephew and niece on Facebook and it states in the letter that I must specifically have no contact with [name of nephew] and [name of niece]. Makes me feel like some predator, which I am most certainly not.

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IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 19:26

steff I really should let it drop but then it feels to me like they have won. My sister is a practising GP and once told me to "fuck off and kill yourself" when I had depression and has assaulted me twice. She is not fit to be a doctor, she is horrible.

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steff13 · 19/12/2014 19:28

I don't think lampshades, a dining table, and books are worth dealing with them.

As far as the FB thing goes, have you been court-ordered not to have any contact with them? If not, they can't really control what you look at on FB; if they were really concerned they could change their privacy settings. I would go no contact at all.

Has your whole family turned on you? It's weird that they all seem to be conspiring against you.

steff13 · 19/12/2014 19:30

It looks like we cross-posted. I get what you're saying. But, as Dr. Phil would say, do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? Let the stuff and them go and live your life with your son.

momieplum · 19/12/2014 19:31

What is the story with the 2 light shades and table? Where did they come from and why does your sister think they are hers?

YellowTulips · 19/12/2014 19:31

I know it's hard but I think emotionally it might be better to let this go and walk away.

I appreciate the items may have sentimental value to you, but I would question if it's worth the distress you are obviously feeling.

Remember indifference is very powerful and just cutting ties with your Sister does not mean she has won - rather that you have because you won't let her manipulate you any more.

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 19:32

It is very weird. However it all started when I got Dx with MH issues. Their attitude just changed overnight to me. I was really close to my sister before the Dx but as soon as I had the label she refused to speak to me. When I got first Dx I had to stay in psych IP for 6 months and she never visited. My mum went from being really proud of me to calling me a nutter and an embarrassment.
I think all of them have a big problem with the stigma of mental illness.
On the plus side all the extended family think they are a total disgrace and none of the extended family will speak to them now.

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YellowTulips · 19/12/2014 19:35

I'd take a hint from the rest of your family and ditch her tbh....

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 19:35

momie when my mum sold my house she then moved in it for a few months and rented it off this builder who bought it off them. She moved all dad and her's stuff in and told me that my stuff had been put in storage temporarily. Anyhow it had not she gave it all to sister. Found out when there was a picture on FB of all my furniture at sister's house.

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AgathaF · 19/12/2014 19:38

What YellowTulips said. Walk away from this sorry mess. They are strange people. You don't need them in your life, nor do you need a few possessions. Your happines and good health are far more valuable than them, so let this go and concentrate on all the good stuff you have in your life.

They won't have won. You just don't need to play their fucked up games.

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 19/12/2014 19:39

I think you need to let the stuff go.

WillkommenBienvenue · 19/12/2014 20:21

How come your mother sold your house? Did she have legal powers?

IneedtocallSaul · 19/12/2014 20:37

No she did not have power of attorney. She swung into action when I first got Dx and got me to sign for that but I quickly rescinded it when she kept taking my cash out and spending it on herself.
I lost my job so was on incapacity and she was living in a property she owned which was across the road. She said I would be far better off cash wise if I sold it and the mortgage was a bit steep for someone on benefits. I just trusted her and I trusted her when she said if I put all the proceeds in her account she would help me with budgeting but she did not do that she just left the country.

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