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To be disappointed that "sorry" hasn't helped in the least?

(76 Posts)
StillReallySad Fri 19-Dec-14 17:02:31

Serial name changer. Sorry.

Yesterday Finally had enough money for waxing. I have visited the same place every 3-4 months for the last 3 years. They do walk ins which is idea for me although I have never had the same beautician more than once. It's a local chain and I think they switch staff around a bit.

I'm in the therapy room awaiting my 1/2 leg and Hollywood, pants off and covered in the. chocolate wax stuff that needs to harden on my crotch area, legs akimbo whilst she attacks my legs. So far so good. Loving the multitasking efficiency and I tell her as much.

She is chatting away making small talk which is fine. She is speaking a little fast and very heavily accented so I can't pick up every single word. She starts to say about the types of ladies who come to her for waxing. She looks at me and asks me to move and bend my knee.

"Ooh chubby girl"
"Sorry, did you just call me a chubby girl?"
"Ya! Chubby girl" big grin

I'm really upset.

All I wanted to do was get out of there. If I hadn't had wax on my whole groin I would have just walked out.
So I bit my lip and tried to ignore.

After a few really tense minutes she tried to pass it off as a joke etc. I wasn't having it. I'm upset and paranoid and really really paranoid. I'm 5ft8 a 12/14 with an F cup. I'm not as skinny as I wish I was.

She hit the weakest part of me. I am a strong person. I can deal with crowds and heckling and it doesn't bother me what people say. I didn't know what to do. I complain when complaint is necessary but this just destroyed me.

She did a really good job on the whole waxing front but I'm just really really upset.

I was full on legs akimbo, knees bent, half naked and totally "vulnerable"

She also laughed when I said that I didn't want my top lip done whilst she was doing my eyebrows. I know they have to try to up sell but a snort of derision and giggle does not help when the customer already said no.

Worst thing? Worse than being called chubby when half naked and desperately trying to pretend you're not bothered and carrying on with small talk and not crying? Worse than being laughed at because your top lip is fine in your opinion?

I tipped her.

Because that's how I was expected to behave, I'm too stupid not to and she was telling the truth anyway.

I am so so upset over this. I have cried for almost the last 24 hours on and off. I am massively insecure. I am terrified about starting shopping for my wedding dress for summer already and now I can't contemplate it. She didn't know that. That's not her fault

DP is furious. He went to the salon today and ultimately, I have to go back for a refund and an apology tomorrow. They offered a massage too but I will not be undressing for any non medical professional ever again.

Refund and an apology.
So why do I feel just as horrendous as I did yesterday?

I feel absolutely no better. I'm still stupidly upset because a slim woman who saw me half naked called me chubby.

Stealthpolarbear Fri 19-Dec-14 17:08:28

That is awful. I'm so sorry
Fwiw at your height a size 12 to 14 cannot be more than v slightly overweight

MinceSpy Fri 19-Dec-14 17:12:22

How horrible but your DP is awesome. Get the apology and refund then find a nicer beauty salon

oswellkettleblack Fri 19-Dec-14 17:12:39

I think she was rude, but you have some serious issues to still be this upset. I think you need counselling.

nilbyname Fri 19-Dec-14 17:13:45

I used to go out with a Japanese guy, he was such a brilliant boyfriend, thoughtful, kind, fun, great in bed! One day post coitus, he rubbed my middle area and said- "mm podgy"!
He meant it an a compliment and he thought that it was a neutral word.

I was a perfect size 10 and in my twenties but I was so upset!

I wonder if it wAs the same Pet of thing, her words were lost in translation?

From your description you sound like you have. Stunning figure with all the right curves! Lucky!

Try not to let it get you down!

snice Fri 19-Dec-14 17:14:37

That upset me to read it so I'm not surprised youve been crying. I'm so sorry you met such a rude unpleasant person.

hackmum Fri 19-Dec-14 17:16:08

If English wasn't her first language, then perhaps, as nilbyname says, she didn't mean it unkindly?

arlagirl Fri 19-Dec-14 17:16:23

Seems a huge reaction to a comment
I agree with seem to have a lot of issues..why are you terrified about shopping for your wedding dress? Size 12-14 is not big.

AlpacaYourThings Fri 19-Dec-14 17:17:00

I'm sorry OP, that was a very nasty comment from her. I can see why it's got you down.

To be fair, the comment on this thread from oswellkettleblack isn't very nice, either.

FlossieTreadlight Fri 19-Dec-14 17:19:47

Take the refund, never go back. I completely understand why this has cut you to the quick but please don't let that silly woman's words stick in your head. Frankly she can fuck the fuck off.

oswellkettleblack Fri 19-Dec-14 17:19:48

How is it not nice? The OP is not overweight at all at that size and height. She should get some counselling if she cannot see this, it's not healthy for her because she is not 'chubby' and should not feel bad about her body.

The waxer was very rude. They have apologised.

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane Fri 19-Dec-14 17:21:52

I'm sorry you felt so vulnerable. Over weight or not, if you are uncomfy with your body it is damaging when others comment. I know you aren't looking forward to choosing a dress but you will look beautiful on that day and you have a DP who clearly loves you just the way you are. Please don't let this thoughtless comment by a stranger cause too much damage.

LadyLuck10 Fri 19-Dec-14 17:22:23

Yanbu, how awful to hear that. And what does body shapes have to do with waxing anyway. Your dp is wonderful though.

AlpacaYourThings Fri 19-Dec-14 17:24:15

oswell You have said she has "serious issues" and "needs counselling". That isn't very nice, IMO.

oswellkettleblack Fri 19-Dec-14 17:27:05

How so? It does sound like she has serious issues around her body, which is not fat or chubby, and suggesting getting professional help for that is not unsupportive. It can help the OP change her life for good, for the better and enjoy her body instead of dreading shopping for a wedding dress.

tiredvommachine Fri 19-Dec-14 17:28:07

You had your fanjo out and felt truly exposed. I'd have felt exactly the same flowers

Playthegameout Fri 19-Dec-14 17:29:18

I'm so sorry you feel bad, I can imagine being in such a vulnerable position exacerbated things. Get your refund and go and treat yourself with the money. Maybe get your nails done or a lovely bottle of wine.

A lady that works for my husband is polish and she gets chubby and bonny (meaning pretty here in the NW), confused, so it could have been that. It's great that your Dp complained, as it means the salon can stop it ever happening again.

Discobugsacha Fri 19-Dec-14 17:31:22

I would be inclined to think it was more a " lost in translation" thing than that the beautician was trying to insult you.

Although tbh, I am the about the same size/ weight as you and I am a bit chubby! Not hugely overweight but just chubby in some places! I think if someone said that to me during a treatment, I'd just laugh and agree. Why are you so upset? Do you want to lose weight? It sounds like you are having a massive over-reaction?

JeanneDeMontbaston Fri 19-Dec-14 17:31:32

I'm really sorry you feel so awful. Honestly, I'm pretty relaxed about my body, but I would have felt quite vulnerable in that situation.

But I do think it sounds as if she had no idea her comment was upsetting. I agree with others it sounds like a language issue.

I think her asking about your top lip wasn't illogical - if you're having a wax, they won't know what you mind having done and what you don't. My hairdresser always used to ask me if I wanted to get my brows done, and I always just said no, I happened to like them like that. I didn't take it to mean he thought they were unkempt caterpillars (even if they were!), I just figured he knew some women would want have had them done.

Do you always feel rotten about your body? You sound gorgeous to me - with an F cup, you must be in proportion at 12/14.

Footle Fri 19-Dec-14 17:35:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DustyBedhead Fri 19-Dec-14 17:37:05

I'm not surprised you're upset, you were insulted. Like another pp said full marks to your DP for complaining, 12/14 at 5'8" is certainly not chubby either .

Birdsgottafly Fri 19-Dec-14 17:42:33

The staff member needs it explaining, what she did wrong, if it is a lost in translation issue etc.

I'm obese at the moment, but other people's comments wouldn't worry me.

I've always been body confident. I don't find other people who are different shapes and sizes, unattractive, or worthy of judgement, so negativity bounces off me (especially now I've got squidgy), always has, always will, regardless of my size.

I would use this to recognise your issues and work on them.

CalleighDoodle Fri 19-Dec-14 17:43:25

If youre that unhappy with your body that youve cried for 24 hours after being called chubby by someone with limited english who means nothig to you, make it your goal to lose weight and tone up to be the size you want to be by the time you go dress shopping. Theres dont need to be chubby so change it.

StillReallySad Fri 19-Dec-14 17:46:49

Thank you for the kind, and... objective comments.

I appreciate my DP more every day. I know he's amazing but it's nice to learn that I'm not biased

As you may have guessed I am very unhappy in my own skin, yes. I have had counsiling for eating disorders but I am my largest since getting "better" and aware of it. I am not overweight. No. I am curvy. I have a great 1950's figure, just 64 years too late and I fight it.

Tell me my hair looks awful, my skin's spottymy make up looks bad, my nails are ratty... Anything and I laugh and would usually agree or crack a joke. I have no issue with any of it.

Day to day I am aware. I've had kids tell me that I have "huge boobies" and I'm ok with it. I had a 12yo once tell me my bum was so huge it would break the chair and still, I was absolutely fine.

I felt vulnerable. I worried about mistranslation hence my checking but nope, she meant chubby. She didn't deny it today with DP and her manager. She also had no excuse such as "I thought it was a compliment"

Wedding dresses?
They're are all in shops in small, non curvy, 5ft 5 sizes. Pouring myself into a dress and trying to imagine how it will look in my size without the insert in the back to join the two sides up is triggering for me. That's why I am dreading it.

oswellkettleblack Fri 19-Dec-14 17:50:51

That is very sad, because you sound gorgeous! I hope you can find some way to get peace with your body. You are not chubby or fat. Please don't think more counselling cannot help some.

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