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to buy or not to buy?

(12 Posts)
biggles50 Fri 19-Dec-14 10:52:04

I was spectacularly "wendied" or to coin an American phrase "friend poached". I'll call my friend of 9 years Debbie. So we got along great we socialised occasionally and caught up for coffee every couple of weeks. I then met ... I'll call her Jo who was new to the area. Got on well she had just started a business and asked me to do a few hours a week for her. Skint at the time so appreciated it. Jo and I were becoming good friends, she shared a lot of problems re her marriage and I helped a lot in her business. Even to the point of rushing to help out with just five minutes notice. She often said she couldn't cope without me. Then I introduced Debbie and jo. Jo became obsessed with Debbie and talked about her all the time. That was ok because Debbie is lovely but alarm bells went off when one day I was getting ready to go out with Debbie and she gets a call from Jo wanting her to work immediately. Debbie I know needed the money but my hours were dwindling away until one day when I turned up for work jo says she's giving my job to Debbie because they're badly off. Debbie's family that is. I was so hurt I remember trying not to cry.

Amazingly almost the next day I was offered another job better hours etc. So I snapped it up. Because of the time frame Debbie was never aware of the circumstances and assumed she had stepped into my job when I left Jo's. I can't bring myself to tell Debbie still as it's so embarrassing! Debbie and I remain firm friends and my friendship with Jo has dwindled to me having my texts ignored so now I don't bother. We met about a month ago after I suggested a walk with the dogs and I heard all about her problems and although one of my kids has been seriously ill in hospital she forgot to mention him. She told me about some plans she had but said she shouldn't have told me because she hadn't discussed them with Debbie. I got back in my box.

So I can handle the fact that jo has phased me out and Debbie and I are still ok. I think Debbie guesses jo and I are awkward but she needs the work. So Xmas gift? Jo and I have exchanged gifts for three xmasses but now? If she turns up before xmas with a gift aibu to say oh I didn't bother this year?

Reekypear Fri 19-Dec-14 10:54:35

An emergency generic box of chocs.

Boysclothes Fri 19-Dec-14 10:56:58

Yup, get a box of chocs or some smellies that you like and have a gift bag standing by. Then if she doesn't turn up you can enjoy the gift yourself.

Fallingovercliffs Fri 19-Dec-14 10:58:23

Or just give her a bottle of wine. It's an impersonal gift, which might get the message across. And if she doesn't give you a present, you get to keep the wine smile.

londonrach Fri 19-Dec-14 11:59:12

Just bought a box of terrys chocolates from morrisons for 1.50. I plan to take them wrapped in nice paper with label stuck on but nothing written on when we go on thursday. Ive been caught out before. This year im prepared for extras. If no extras dh and i can enjoy the chocs after xmas. Win win! Why not do something like that.

biggles50 Fri 19-Dec-14 18:37:05

Yes I did wonder if an emergency something our tree would be a good move. Just that she doesn't deserve it.

d0ttyne11 Fri 19-Dec-14 18:48:15

You are all being V reasonable and yes it's season of goodwill etc but I can't see many reasons to 'keep' Jo as a friend and I'd be inclined to call it a day this year. Otherwise you may just be in the same situation next year. Easier said than done I know...

Quitelikely Fri 19-Dec-14 18:52:59

This woman has treat you terribly. Please do not have anything else to do with her! Try to get Debbie a job at your place too! That would be interesting.......

Shockers Fri 19-Dec-14 18:59:18

I could have written this OP!

In my case I gave a small bunch of flowers on her birthday. I didn't even get a card on mine.

Toxic... feck her OP.

biggles50 Fri 19-Dec-14 21:27:55

Shockers. Please tell me your story I need to know I'm not alone smile thanks peeps am feeling stronger.

Rivercam Fri 19-Dec-14 21:37:01

I've got several of those chocolates from Morrison also!

Shockers Sun 21-Dec-14 23:32:55

Hey Biggles, I will PM you, but it's a long story, so I may have to wait until I have half an hour to myself! It's DD's birthday this week... and something else, but I can't quite think... wish there were reminders all around...fwink
But I will, when I can give it my undivided.
You definitely aren't alone. Merry Christmas! x

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