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Facebook situation

(48 Posts)
Violated Fri 19-Dec-14 07:19:00

Name changed for this.

A few weeks back a school mum posted a comment saying a mum who had left the school with her child was on facebook insulting our children calling them thick, slow and "retards" I commeted on the post saying that as a adult she should be ashamed of herself saying such horrible things about 5 year old children, and that she must have a "tit for a brain" I know it wasn't my finest moment, but I was a little perplexed and miffed that a woman who Ive never spoken to, don't know anything about, would call my child and his classroom friends these sort of names.

The school and her kids new school had to get involved, and she was told told to remove the post as parents from BOTH schools weren't happy that someone could say these things about innocent 5 year old children.

Now I'm always calling people tits, blush it was just a friendly swear word growing up said by my mum and gran... And it's just sort of been passed on. Say dh dropped something I'd say, oh what a tit you are, however Ive come to realise I need to stop saying this as it could be misconstrued with me slatting breastfeeding ? (Can it?)

I made one comment out of 173 comments, calling her all sorts, but I'm the only one to have called her a "tit" because I've mentioned the word "tit" she has publicly named and shamed me on breastfeeding websites, named me and linked me on her facebook wall, saying if I have a issue with her then I need to say it to her face, and not hide behind a restrictive facebook account, I have publicly vilified her, as I was having digs at her breastfeeding choice.

Now I didn't know she breastfed, I didnt even know she had another child. Don't know the girl, have never spoken to the girl. My comment was a miffed comment about her calling my child/children vile names. It was in absolute no way derogatory to breastfeeding.

It has turned out she is and I quote "some hitler on BF" apparently anyone who dosent BF till the age of 5, feeds their child chicken nuggets and gives them diluting juice" are toxic parents.

Im just unsure as to what to do, I have had 33 text messages and 87!!! Facebook messages from different people (most I don't know) calling me, (in the last 10 hours) or saying she and another 2 people are bringing my past into it (my son was in a terrible accident, (please don't out me if you have clocked on to who I am) and are saying horrible things again.

I started a thread on here asking for legal advise about my sons situation 2/3 years ago, I had to get the police involved then, on the advice of MN, and family, All of this has been brought up again, and they are again saying we have abused our child.

I don't live my life through facebook, have never done, I only add friends and family, I'm not a horrible person, I can't beleive a single comment has been took out of hand so much.

I'm in my early 30's and I've ended two toxic friendships in my lifetime, which are the two who have "joined" with her, and have been telling this girl about our past.

I know I shouldn't have said it, but I would not have said it if she didn't post a Facebook comment for all to see calling our children such awful names. It's not a excuse, but I a unsure as to what to do, do I need to get the police involved again, or would you class this as a separate situation.


EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh Fri 19-Dec-14 07:23:22

This is all utterly ridiculous
Change your Facebook settings so randoms can't message you or see your page. Tell anyone you know in real life who is stirring you don't want to hear any more about it. Refrain from publicly ranting about people on Facebook, especially when you don't know facts yourself.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Fri 19-Dec-14 07:23:41

can you shut down your Facebook and recreate your account with much better privacy settings?

I don't think I know your previous situation so I hope your son is ok after the accident.

if its the same people that the police were involved with before, then it might be worth reinvolving them but I don't know the details so its hard to really know.

it all sounds horrible though so I hope you're ok sad

Whocansay Fri 19-Dec-14 07:25:36

I'd speak to police on 101 for advice. It's bullying certainly, but I don't know if it's classed as harassment. thanks

notagainffffffffs Fri 19-Dec-14 07:25:58

Agree with screen shotting everything and taking it to police, its harassment and defamation

Babycham1979 Fri 19-Dec-14 07:28:58

Yep, this all sounds utterly puerile. I don't understand why people even use FB if it causes them so much hassle. Close your account and be done with it. Get on with your life and stop worrying about her.

londonrach Fri 19-Dec-14 07:30:54

I would Screen shot your fb page then close your fb account and show screen shot to the police if worried. Hope you ok. If you want another fb account open it in a different name and just accept very limited friends and family and put high privacy setting on it.

Violated Fri 19-Dec-14 07:32:59

My Facebook settinggs are now right, they were before, however people could sent me messages via pm, they cannot now clearly.

I normally don't rant at people anywhere. but I found this shocking hence my comment, she posted it, and people took screen shots, and put it on the school Facebook group for our children classroom year. Hence why I commented.

Argggg I honestly feel like crying, I've enough on my plate without having to go through all this again.

Wishfulmakeupping Fri 19-Dec-14 07:33:13

Yy to harassment you need to speak to 101, but as others have said start changing your settings etc so they can't contact you.

Flossyfloof Fri 19-Dec-14 07:41:58

Ask yourself what you expected when you made the original comment. Learn from it. Do you really want to take this to the police - don't you htm they have better no things to do?
If you have a lot on your plate for goodness' sake get off Facebook.

monkeytroubles Fri 19-Dec-14 07:42:12

People are so brave when they're hiding behind their computer, it doesn't actually occur to them that what they're doing is still harassment whether it's said online or to your face. It's a criminal offence and needs to be reported so these people realise that their behaviour is unacceptable. Keep all texts and screen shot FB messages and contact the Police. Once they have got the evidence they require you can delete your FB account. If you want to remain on FB you can start another account changing your name slightly (adding a middle name for example), tightening up your privacy settings and being very selective about who you add or accept requests from. As you are also getting texts from people you don't know I would personally change my mobile number. I know it's a faff but it'll give you peace of mind. Make sure you're new number isn't on FB and ask friends and family not to share it with anyone without checking with you first.

Violated Fri 19-Dec-14 07:52:22

I can't change my number as its. Business line, Facebook is easily solved.

I didn't expect anything tbh, I didn't expect to go into facebook and see a woman call 5 year old children a bunch of "retards" etc...

My comment is the tamest one of them all, other than calling her a tit it's not a offensive post.

Do I think this is a police matter? Bloody hell yes I do, I have people on Facebook and breastfeeding websites saying I have abused my child, in a horrific way, how is that not a police matter and I do not think by going to the police I am wasting their time by doing so.

Silvercatowner Fri 19-Dec-14 08:10:55

You called someone a 'tit' - that other people said worse is irrelevant, it is a vile insult. I'd stop using FB if I were you - or at the very least, lock down your privacy settings as far as they will go.

Violated Fri 19-Dec-14 08:16:40

I think calling 5 year old children retards is beyond the pale, and the lowest of the low, and me calling her a tit, simply doesn't compare to that.

She's not seeing me calling her a tit as a insult, apparently she's furious that I have slated her breastfeeding choice. confused

Violated Fri 19-Dec-14 08:18:28

However I was wrong in calling her, and as I have said I will stop using the word, my facebook settings are changed!!! My Facebook settings isn't the issue now, it's her linking me to other websites and calling me by name saying I have abused my child.

Flossyfloof Fri 19-Dec-14 08:24:23

I am sorry I did not see the bit about your child. That must be very painful. I still think that you opened up the can of worms and that the whole thing would have and is better ignored. I am not you, though and you must do what you think is best for you.

53Dragon Fri 19-Dec-14 08:28:37

I would come up with a brief paragraph such as:

I apologise unreservedly for my inappropriate use of the slang word 'Tit'. My comment was made in the heat of the moment in response to a defamatory post referring to my children as 'retards'. I fully support breast feeding and did intend my comment to be connected to it in any way.
All posts made with reference to me are being recorded and if necessary will be forwarded to the Police.

Then cut and paste and post again if anyone makes a further defamatory comment.

53Dragon Fri 19-Dec-14 08:29:18

Oops - 'did not!!

originalusernamefail Fri 19-Dec-14 08:32:45

I think you have two choices;

1. Ignore it. If calling someone a tit is all it takes to set her off, someone else will have pissed her off by next week and be her knew target and you'll be forgotten about. Learn from this experience and don't rant at randoms on Facebook. Their poison is not your problem it can only hurt them not you.

2. The people who are messaging you. Message back, I have apologised for calling her a tit (would knob be more acceptable wink) it was no judgement on her parenting choices however can someone who calls 5 year old children retards really claim the moral high ground ?

You, your friends, and your family know you would never do anything to hurt your DC, everyone else is just noise. Do yourself a favour and forget them, they aren't staying up at night crying over you, make sure you don't ruin your Christmas for them.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Fri 19-Dec-14 08:38:45

Say nothing publicly. Do not make any statements or apologise. Just take screen shots and messages to the police and block this woman on Facebook so she can't see anything you post or any of your information.

Do not get into a big "thing" online with her. It won't help.

Once you have reported to the police you can ask Google to remove information so it won't come up there and Facebook and other websites have a legal duty as a publisher to remove defamatory posts.

The police should be able to advise more but you need to clearly explain that you are being harassed.

Jodie1982 Fri 19-Dec-14 08:44:34

I'd do what 53Dragon said to do if anybody chooses to message you again. Copy and paste what she wrote, sounds good. It sounds like she's flipped her bad behaviour onto you, she knows she's in the wrong for picking on 5yr olds and has pounced on you to make herself feel better. She'll be starting on someone else soon enough.

CountingThePennies Fri 19-Dec-14 08:44:55

I dont think calling someone a tit is vile. There is much worse you could of said.

She sounds a right idiot. Calling someone a tit is nothing to do with breastfeeding!!

Many people call others tits who are not breastfeeding, i wouldnt of even put the two together!

I would ignore it completley, within a week i think the abuse would of stopping.

monkeytroubles Fri 19-Dec-14 08:52:43

Movingonup is spot on, if you start to respond publically you will be adding fuel to the fire. They will find a way to twist anything you say and they will be overjoyed to have gotten a reaction from you, it'll just spur them on. Just pass the information on to the Police, making it clear that she is identifying you by name and falsely claiming that you have abused your child. Explain that you feel threatened and have found the whole thing very distressing.

timetoplay Fri 19-Dec-14 08:56:03

Take the advice here regarding the police op.

Sounds like this mum quite rightly got grief for being disabilist and not liking being made 'the bad guy' she's grasped at straws to triumphantly point fingers at someone else and distract from her bad behaviour. Very yes I was mean but look look how mean they are, they are insulting all of us. Come join me in slating them!'

She's chosen something people feel passionate about, twisted the story to make herself victim instead of disablist person. These people either do not know the whole story or don't want to because it suits them.

Report every abusive message to fb as well.

stillwearingaredribbon Fri 19-Dec-14 09:02:06

I hate all this jumping on the bandwagon facebook bullying stuff
When I was a child tit was used when you had done something slightly silly, it was quite affectionate really
A close friend uses it in a pretty jolly way- and she was a 4 year breast feeder
I don't think there is any connection. She is using you to deflect trouble from herself

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