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To be thinking of taking a new job though still ttc (though don't think it's going to happen) am I wasting my life hoping?!

(9 Posts)
Tollygunge Wed 17-Dec-14 18:04:23

So, bit of a story.
I have been at my current job for ten years, started when I was 22. It is a professional job and I have worked my way successfully up and manage a team of people. I have one dc, who is 3 and will be starting school next year. Currently I work 3 days a week.
I have stayed in this job-despite knowing I am stagnating professionally- as a) it's easy
B) I am part time
C) I wanted another child
Anyway, long story short- got pregnant last year, had to have a termination in 2nd trimester for a congenital defect. Absolutely awful and my obsession after that was getting pregnant again. Took me 9 months to concieve and have just lost that one at 14 weeks due to something else. Both random episodes of bad luck apparently, but it feels like it won't ever happen.
Have been asked to apply for another job, another company, more senior role, full time and more money. What should I do? I feel like I could stay at my current job, not progressing, and still not have another child. Or do I take job and give up entirely idea of ttc- for at least another year?! Can't decide- feel like taking the other job would be an excellent distraction but can't imagine trying not to get pregnant. And I don't think you could get pregnant so quickly in a new role- you wouldn't even get mat pay? So do I stay here, waste my career and hope for a healthy baby that might never come? Advice please

tobysmum77 Wed 17-Dec-14 18:24:45

You would get smp as long as you weren't pregnant when you started. If you were you I think get maternity allowance that's the same apart from the 1st 6 weeks.

yanbu at all but you need to make the right decision at all. Women get pregnant no one had noticeably ever turned a hair where I work.

MrsPepperMintonCandyCane Wed 17-Dec-14 18:30:15

Do these types of jobs come up often? If you don't have another child (hoping you do) would you be happy still at your current job? Could you do this job with a baby, in terms of childcare? That's what I'd be measuring the decision on. If you move jobs and get pregnant then deal with that as and when. You are entitled to SMP if you are in the role a certain amount of weeks before you take maternity leave.

Tollygunge Wed 17-Dec-14 18:39:07

They come up reasonably often, but this wouldn't be a commute. I know women do get preggers and nobody minds but because of the nature of the job I would need to 'prove' myself for the first two years (at least) and not sure if I can do that whilst pregnant- esp since if it does ever happen is be a nervous wreck due to all the shitty shit things I've been through. Yes I do have another little one who is starting school in sept, so prob should think about going back ft. We could def do with the cash. Not sure re doing new job with new baby- could do it but mightn't want to. Seems daft to not take job though because in the future I might want to go part time again to look after a baby that exists nowhere else except my imagination.

MrsHathaway Wed 17-Dec-14 18:40:17

Take the job. Even if you conceived immediately you'd still be able to give them 8 months in that role, and however many years after ML. The right job and the right person don't always coincide at the most convenient moment - if you take ML in a long employment it's basically irrelevant whether you take that ML after six months or six years. How many DC are you planning?

I'm sorry to hear about your mc and other problems. It's very distressing.

I don't see why the new role should affect your TTC timetable though.

FWIW, I took a new job whilst TTC#2 and shortly after a traumatic mc. As it happened, we conceived on the first weekend of the new job blush and he is now sitting against me playing with a wooden clock face.

I did not qualify for SMP or the company's enhanced maternity, only MA (same rate as SMP for the whole 39w, no 6w@90%). He's worth it though.

To qualify for SMP you need to have your LMP after you start there, a clear week afterwards IIRC. So you might choose to skip a cycle or two - we didn't.

Tollygunge Wed 17-Dec-14 18:41:59

Ah, should also mention it'd be an April start. We have to give lonnnng notice periods in my job!

Tollygunge Wed 17-Dec-14 18:43:02

But I suppose my body could do with a break etc

Tollygunge Wed 17-Dec-14 18:43:18

But I want to get pregnant NOW

MrsHathaway Wed 17-Dec-14 18:55:52

Another consideration is that you are TTC a sibling and not just your own child. Waiting a couple of years to ttc#1 is different from doing so to ttc#2, I think.

The trouble with waiting is that there's always a reason to wait. Wait until you're through your probation ...After pay review ... After this project ... As feminist as it is not to say so, a woman typically does have to choose between career and children, because hardly anyone genuinely gets both, and often then more through good luck/circumstance than planning.

Would you rather in ten years have two DC and a shaky employment history, or just one and an enviable professional career?

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