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AIBU to not want my husband to bake my son's birthday cake

(144 Posts)
sandfish Wed 17-Dec-14 17:09:49

I like baking cakes and enjoy making special birthday cakes for my children. However, with my Son's birthday in 5 days time, I'm struggling with horrible morning (all day) sickness and can't bring myself to open the fridge to look for eggs most of the time let alone bake. I'd feel sad for my son if he didn't have a special cake for his party, so have found a recommended local cake making lady who might be able to make for me, for a fee naturally. Was about to book it, when mentioned the plan to my husband and he suddenly expressed a desire to bake the cake himself.

This would be all well and good if it were not for the fact that in the 20 years I have known him he has never baked a cake, nor shown any interest. I imagine I will need to end up standing over him trying not to be sick into the mixture. The result, even if edible, is not likely to be very exciting.

He is miffed with me and had gone out for a run in huff, because I suggested he was being cheap and not wanting to pay for it, and that he would need help with baking and I wasn't up to it. He is in a grump because apparently he thought it was a lovely gesture he had made, he wants to do it, and I 'think men are stupid and can't do anything'.

I'm peeved because he seems to think baking is so piss easy he can just knock out a fancy cake for son no bother, so clearly he doesn't value the efforts I put in to these things. And I think he just doesn't want to pay.

AIBU? Is he? Do I let him bake it and cack it right up just to prove a point? Or go ahead and order a cake anyway?

formerbabe Wed 17-Dec-14 17:15:52

I would let him bake it but buy a shop bought one in case it goes wrong!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Wed 17-Dec-14 17:18:45

Let him do it, without your help. Your son will appreciate it a lot more than one made by the local cake-making lady. Doesn't matter if it should turn out not 100% successful. It will be loved.

AMumInScotland Wed 17-Dec-14 17:19:41

Let him bake it. And don't stand over him, or offer any guidance or assistance. If it goes well, try not to be miffed!

If, as it almost certainly will, ends up in an inedible cake and a filthy kitchen, let him fix it.

In this way you are proving that you don't simply think men are incapable, but actually have some fundamental knowledge of the fact that it is tricky which he seems to not be aware of.

If your son gets a cake that isn't exciting, I'm sure he will appreciate the effort.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum Wed 17-Dec-14 17:19:57

(Oh, PS - I do think YABU). It's really lovely that your DH wants to do it.

aquawater Wed 17-Dec-14 17:20:36

Why on earth would your husband not be able to bake a cake?

nic013 Wed 17-Dec-14 17:21:59

it's great fun making cakes and there are loads of different recipes to compliment various levels of abilities. If my husband offered to cook a cake I would be very happy. What kind of cake is he going to make.

KurriKurri Wed 17-Dec-14 17:23:52

Sorry - Ithink its really nice that he wants to make his son a cake - how lovely. Why does it have to be a really fancy cake - I'm sure your DS will love the fact that Daddy made him a cake.

I wish my XH had given a toss about joining in with the children's birthdays and trying to make their day special - it's not the quality of the cake that your DS will remember, it's the fact that his dad cared enough to have a go.

Let him get on with it - I think it is quite patronising to think he is incapable, - most people can knock up a passable cake if they follow the recipe, - I assume your DH isn't an idiot?

I think you need to let go and allow your DH some of the pleasure of doing the birthday stuff - it's only for this year while you are too sick to do it yourself. I think you are perceiving an insult 'he doesn't value the effort you put into baking' when there is none there, he's just being kind by wanting to help out when you are sick - so let him help. And leave him alone to get on with it unsupervised.

Chill out, relax and delegate. Huge sympathies for the morning sickness - it is vile.

PoppySausage Wed 17-Dec-14 17:24:11

Let him bake it! YABU

Errors can be covered with Betty Crocker frosting... Mmmm

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid Wed 17-Dec-14 17:25:33

Let him do it - it will be hilarious.

If it was me I would apologise, explain that of course he could bake one and I was wrong to even consider he wouldn't be able to manage it.

Then I would buy a shop bought one (or the professional one) and laugh my ass off at his pigs ear of a cake. the laughing would be in private until he could see the funny side too - would take my dh about 2 weeks

OwlBeGoingToBethlehem Wed 17-Dec-14 17:26:23

Is it for a party where the final product will be judged by other parents?
I would let his father bake it and explain if it's not up to your usual standard.

Springcleanish Wed 17-Dec-14 17:27:03

It's a lovely gesture, and I'm sure he can follow a recipe. If it's not perfect, so what? Just keep out of the way and make sure every thing is cleaned up before you go back into the kitchen. Either you'll find your husband has a new skill or he'll learn to appreciate your talent more. It doesn't need to be an "exciting" cake to be made with love.

mellicauli Wed 17-Dec-14 17:27:28

YABU - I think it's a lovely offer and he might surprise you. Your son will love the fact his Dad made it for him . You husband is being an excellent role model for him. If it goes wrong, so what? You can laugh about it.

Flywheel Wed 17-Dec-14 17:27:35

Yep. I agree. Let him have a go. A basic cake shouldn't be beyond anyone. Just follow the instructions. I'm sure it will be fine.

pictish Wed 17-Dec-14 17:27:48

My dh bakes every single birthday cake for our three. It's his 'thing'. It ends up a lopsided affair which always tastes delicious, and the kids look forward to it and get their requests in, year after year. It's an expression of his love.

HerrenaHarridan Wed 17-Dec-14 17:28:04


busyboysmum Wed 17-Dec-14 17:28:23

Definitely let him bake one. Can we also have an update please? Fascinated to see how it turns out ��

pictish Wed 17-Dec-14 17:28:40

Cakes are piss easy btw. There is nothing simpler than a basic sponge recipe.

sandfish Wed 17-Dec-14 17:28:41

aquawater - because his cooking skills are generally poor and he has never baked a cake as long as I have known him. He has many great qualities and skills. But he has never invested any time in learning to bake. Thinking back to some of the baking disasters I had in the early days (and not so early days) it is not easy when you have no experience. Sure he could have a go. But I don't feel i can give him much help and so must accept the result might not be very good.

The question is really does that matter? And some of you have caused me to rethink that. Evans, perhaps you are right. My Son will probably appreciate Daddy's cake because he made it. It is it not a bad thing for them to see Daddy trying to do a bit more cooking. I think maybe I need to chill out about this? And let go of my disappointment about not being able to make the cake I had planned. Oh well.

CoolCat2014 Wed 17-Dec-14 17:29:30

Let him bake the cake! Just leave him to it, it doesn't have to be perfect!

ClimbingFramePlanningEnquiry Wed 17-Dec-14 17:30:28

Is a cake, not rocket science.

Yes, YABU.

Let your dh have a go. And don't act all superior if he does make mistakes.

I am no master baker, but I can manage a half decent cake. Dh is less of a baker than me, but can muster up the necessary skills to read and follow a recipe.

Neither of us can turn out a professional-looking cake, but our dc appreciate the efforts we make, and are so far not scarred by the experience and inferior cakes we have made for them.

I can understand you feeling sad that you will not be making your ds' cake, but don't sideline your dh - he is ds' parent too, and wants to make an effort.

sonjadog Wed 17-Dec-14 17:30:36

Another vote here for letting him do it. Baking a cake isn't that hard if he follows the recipe. Let him get on with it alone and if it turns out badly, then let him sort it out.

So what if it isn't a perfect cake? It's for a five year old's birthday party, it's not your wedding cake.

JassyRadlett Wed 17-Dec-14 17:31:18

There are some quite unpleasant responses here. On face value, he's trying to do a nice thing and has been accused of being cheap.

Men are all too often accused of being incapable and not being willing to do 'women's' things. Bit tough if they're always kept away from it and laughed at if they suggest trying.

OP, let him do the cake. Give him a basic sponge recipes - Mary Berry has some that may not be the most amazing, but are practically foolproof. Give him some tips and tell him it's basically like chemistry - there's no room for improvisation, you've got to measure everything exactly and follow the recipe to the letter. If he's unsure what a term means, YouTube it.

My dad was a 'hopeless man'. He could barely make scrambled eggs, but he was amazing at decorating birthday cakes. A basic sponge isn't rocket science with the right guidance, and let your DH go to town on the decoration.

MarianneSolong Wed 17-Dec-14 17:31:23

You seem to want him to fail.

If a cake is a bit flat/heavy/slightly overcooked or undercooked it is hardly the end of the world.

Does the idea he might make a passable cake which your son enjoys eating threaten you in some way?

Trollsworth Wed 17-Dec-14 17:32:06

He's the father, he's entitled to make s boy a cake.

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