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Would this bug you or AIBU?

(8 Posts)
Nordicmist Wed 17-Dec-14 12:45:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

plantsitter Wed 17-Dec-14 12:48:54

I thought you were being - well, frankly, a cow but then I read 'mine is always a little bit shit because he hasn't spent it with us for ten years.' That's what you're upset about, not the presents. Talk to him about that, but don't mention the presents.

Why not say this year, 'dad, I miss you at Christmas. Want to come to ours next year?' And see what he says.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks Wed 17-Dec-14 13:18:33

I think you need to tell your Dad how you feel. Say you want to see him at Christmas, ten years with one side and none with the other side of the family is not a fair split of his time. Tell him you and his grandchildren would love to spend next Christmas with him.
As for the gifts, don't tell him about all the items you are buying your children if it bothers you when he buys them the same. When he sees things if he asks where you bought them be vague if you know it would mean you chasing the items. I can understand why you get annoyed being the one chasing these items all the time.
Other than that I'm afraid you will either just have to grin and bare it or ask that their own mother chases gifts for her children as you have enough on.

CrapBag Wed 17-Dec-14 14:36:34

The present thing does seem a bit U tbh. I'd guess the children are similar ages and he has no idea what to get his GFs DGC, but then shouldn't that be her problem not his? It does sound precious that you don't want him to buy his SGC the same as your children. Do you think he should spend more on yours than them because you are his blood family?

The no Christmas's for 10 years though, YANBU. Have you asked him to spend it with you? He may not know you want to.

Fallingovercliffs Wed 17-Dec-14 14:53:42

He probably doesn't really know what children of that age like so goes by what your children ask for when choosing stuff for his step grandchildren. I really don't see anything wrong with that.

Hard to comment on the 10 year thing without knowing more detail.

Nordicmist Wed 17-Dec-14 15:45:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fallingovercliffs Wed 17-Dec-14 16:11:08

It sounds like he's trying to keep everyone happy and doing the best he can, to be honest. Although I can totally understand you being hurt that he never spends Christmas with you.

Bulbasaur Wed 17-Dec-14 16:37:41

I know it is coming across as selfish but the thing is he puts ZERO effort into anything with my children and goes to great lengths to make them happy.

Well, he's not really putting effort into her children either if he's having you chase packages and basically having you pick out the gifts. They just don't see the behind the scenes "magic" that goes on.

Stop helping him out.

He likes her family so much, he can be the one that puts all the effort into it not you. You're doing all the work and he's getting the free ride and adoration from it.

I'd stop putting effort into a man that doesn't want to put effort into you. If he wants to come by for Christmas, but I'd stop inviting him. He's made it clear for 10 years that he doesn't want to be with you. I'd detach and stop setting yourself up for disappointment.

Sorry you're going through this btw. flowers

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