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AIBU?

to suggest that MIL might like to bring her own brandy at Christmas?

38 replies

rara67 · 17/12/2014 12:23

Or should we just offer what we have in the cupboard and when it runs out offer an alternative? I wouldn't buy cigarettes or drugs for any other house guests who had a dependency. There will be plenty of good wine and we have a selection of thinks like Cointreau and Tia Maria. I am hoping that because she is with us (well, I think it's mainly DH) she wont feel the need to start on a very large brandy at 6pm each night. A long back story involving falls and numerous hospital visits.

OP posts:

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MOTU · 17/12/2014 12:35

I wouldnt suggest anything in advance (will surely cause an argument) and simply offer her drinks as and when you're getting them. Is this the fist time she's coming to you?

youareallbonkers · 17/12/2014 12:39

If you know your guests drink something specific then it would be rude to not buy it

Mammanat222 · 17/12/2014 12:42

If she has a dependency and you are not happy to buy her brandy, why would you be happy to offer wine / Cointreau / Tia Maria?

Fallingovercliffs · 17/12/2014 12:42

Well if she has a drink problem she shouldn't really be drinking at all. Denying her the brandy and then offering her wine, Cointreau etc doesn't really make sense.

HerrenaHarridan · 17/12/2014 12:43

Is she actually an alcoholic or does she just drink more than you personally approve of?

youareallbonkers · 17/12/2014 12:43

Is it the dependency you object to? In which case how is bringing her own any different?

What would you do if it was your mother? Perhaps the MIL bit is the most relevant

thetooththewholetooth · 17/12/2014 12:43

If she doesn't have a problem with alcohol then I'd buy a bottle.

Fudgeface123 · 17/12/2014 12:45

I think OP doesn't want to fork out for a bottle of brandy but if MIL is going to be offered the other drinks then OP should by a bottle.

DontTurnAround · 17/12/2014 12:45

Depends, my mum only drinks Bacardi, doesn't actually like anything else so if she was coming then yes YWBU not to get a bottle in for her. My mum drinks more than me so will bring her own but I always get a bottle in for her too.

6pm start for drinking over the Christmas period isn't that bad. We've had years where we start at lunchtime. Which is what I'll be doing on Christmas Eve

Fudgeface123 · 17/12/2014 12:46

*buy

Fallingovercliffs · 17/12/2014 12:48

I agree, a large brandy at 6pm over the Christmas season doesn't sound like an issue. Are the falls and hospitals visits due to alcohol? Or is she frail and unsteady and you would rather she didn't drink as a result?

Xmasbaby11 · 17/12/2014 12:49

Yabu. If she's going to drink anyway, why not buy in what she actually likes? I would do that for any guest.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 17/12/2014 12:50

If she's an alcoholic then it won't make any difference to her whether you have brandy, gin, vodka or wine in the house.

I wouldn't say having a drink at 6pm at Xmas puts her straight into this category though, otherwise I'd be joining her pretty swiftly.

If you are going to serve her drinks anyway it would be polite to get her preferred option in.

Fudgeface123 · 17/12/2014 12:51

In our family all the men go for a pre-Christmas dinner drink at the local at around 11...there's no hope for them

Summerisle1 · 17/12/2014 12:56

I'd always buy guests the alcohol of their choice. With the possible exception of a cupboard full of Special Brew which, from observation, rarely seems to add much to a social occasion!

If your MIL has a drinking problem then I doubt the lack of her choice of brandy will make much difference. She'll just move on to whatever is available. However, without further information, a large brandy at 6pm over Christmas doesn't come across as wildly out of order.

AMumInScotland · 17/12/2014 12:59

We keep a range of drinks in the house that we know regular visitors enjoy. I think that's fairly 'normal' isn't it?

If you are worried that she's an alcoholic, then offering other spirits or sugesting she brings her own aren't exactly helpful ways of trying to deal with the problem.

youareallbonkers · 17/12/2014 13:00

I start about 10 on Christmas day

PuppyMonkey · 17/12/2014 13:07

Don't understand this thread. You don't want to buy MIL what she likes because then she will drink it and fall over? But you're happy for her to buy her own alcohol so she can drink it and fall over.

Where's my gin?

Fleurchamp · 17/12/2014 13:18

We have a relative who comes at Christmas and proceeds to drink a whole (1l) bottle of baileys. If I top up his drink he asks me to just leave him with the bottle
Now I just buy him a bottle as part of his Christmas present, he is welcome to drink that and leave our bottle for everyone else.

How he drinks all that without feeling sick I will never know!

I wouldn't not buy it though.

rara67 · 17/12/2014 13:24

Thanks MNers, as always you help me to put things into perspective. I will roll with it. Not worth causing any upset. If she falls we can get her up. She shouldn't drink as much but hey ho she's 81 and quite frail (I just wish she could match the alcohol with some water or the odd cup of coffee! I'm sure her meds would work better if they were washed down with a bit more water). I want to help but we live so far away and DH is an only child. Will just make Christmas as much fun as I can for her, she is definitely in a better place than she was last year (we had to cancel her 80th birthday celebrations as she was in hospital). Thanks again, off to finish Christmas cards... something about a last posting date tomorrow...

OP posts:

Thisishowyoudisappear · 17/12/2014 13:26

Tricky one. Depends how much you have in the cupboard - if half a bottle or more I prob wouldn't buy another but if just the dregs of previous bottle it would be U and odd to effectively insist she drinks something else.

I would not mention it in advance.

What does your DH think?

rara67 · 17/12/2014 13:40

Thanks Thisishow. I will not mention in advance and DH can deal with it as appropriate. CASE CLOSED!

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SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/12/2014 13:43

rara - you can't come on AIBU and go round being all reasonable and listening to what other posters say, you know! Sheesh!

But seriously - glad you have a resolution to the problem - and have a lovely Christmas!

PhaedraIsMyName · 17/12/2014 13:48

You sound terribly mean to be honest. You're ok with offering her wine or Cointreau and Tia Maria but not the drink of her choice.

Does anyone drink Cointreau and Tia Maria? At least one can use brandy in cooking.

grocklebox · 17/12/2014 14:19

At 81 I reckon she can have all the brandy she likes!

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