To think I get the shitty end of the illness stick

[Hoggle246]

Have spent last few weeks looking after ds and dh through various foul illnesses.

I now have a hideous cold and feel worse than I have in years. My option is to get the hell on with it. Am a SAHP and dh is out the door at 7am. He won't be back until late tonight because of a Christmas party his second of the week

To top it off, ds likes waking up at 4am. Am starting to feel a bit broken. Obviously I know dh has lots of shitty things to deal with at work but at least if he's ill he gets to stay in bed and feel appropriately sorry for himself.

Ok, moan over.

[boxoftissues]

Poor you. I know exactly how you feel. I'm a SAHM too and I too just have to get on with it if I'm ill while DH takes a day off in bed if he's ill.

It's definately not fair.

[chillybillybob]

I feel for you. I am in the same boat.

[EatDessertFirst]

Same here today. I can't bear the huffing a dramatic sighing so he is banished to bed.

YANBU.

[Hoggle246]

I'm just hoping it's not norovirus. Ds and dh had that. I feel sick but hoping that's a coincidence...

[onedayiwillmissthis]

Can you try asking your husband to take a day off work and stay home to look after you and the dc's?

[Ledkr]

Not sure why being a sahp makes it any worse. I work part time and an pretty much always coping on my own cos of dh's job (copper)
I've had two operations this year and been on my own with the kids after a day or two.
I've only got child care on the days I work so if I'm ill on other days I'm stuck with it.
It's really unfair I agree, Luckily I'm not ill much but I have started to maje dh take an equal share of time off to look after sick kids so maybe the next time I'm ill I'll push it.
It's i bit mean of your dh to go to the second party tho isn't it? He must know how crap he felt and wouldn't have wanted to be in charge of kids.
I'd tell him he needs to come back and miss the party if you feel any worse or aren't coping.

[VerucaInTheNutRoom]

Yep, I've been there. Several times DH has gone off to work leaving me to manage kids/school run when I've felt really really dreadful. And it's hard to get better when you can't rest. Honestly, I think he would only take time off if I were hospitalised.

[Hoggle246]

Dh keeps going on about how crap work is, I know he's stressed, so I couldn't bear to ask and have the usual 'I just can't' blah blah blah. If I really start to struggle though then I'll ask.

I didn't know what to do about the Christmas party. He usually gets home only 10 mins before bedtime anyway so I sort of felt that he may as well get on with it. And I can wilt on the sofa all evening in dramatic fashion.

Ds just did unholy nappy and I almost ran for the hills.

ledkr that sounds horrible, I hope you're recovering ok.

[dingit]

Sahm makes it worse as she can't send her dc to child care and then come home to rest. It is relentless.
Op put the tv on and tuck both of you up on the sofa. It won't hurt for one day. Hopefully you will then get better for next week

[curiousgeorgie]

It's completely unfair.

This has been a bone of contention in our house, DH once left the house, knowing DD2 was in her cot, and DD1 not able to open the gate or do stairs alone... And I had completely put my back out and couldn't move.

Another time I had been ill all night and had a 104 temperature... He left to go to work and I passed out. With my mum finding me three hours later when she popped by and being taken into hospital with pneumonia.

He still went to work the day I came home.

[cailindana]

It's one thing to go to work when you're ill, it's shitty but he could argue it's necessary. But going to a party when you're ill is so uncaring. What's the point in having a partner if they treat you like a servant?

[Hoggle246]

curious that is horrendous! Poor you.

It's ds's first birthday this weekend so am really hoping he doesn't catch this. It took 3 weeks to get over his last illness the poor thing, he was completely wiped out.

It's taken me 30 mins to dress ds and he's still in his vest. Arghhhhhh!

[Only1scoop]

Agree if he knows you are ill then he should be home doing bedtime at least. Not hanging around at party number 2

[cailindana]

It shouldn't be a case of asking. He has children. They need looking after. If their usual carer (you) is ill then he has to look after them. Strange how parenting is optional for men eh?

[Littlef00t]

My DH can work from home when needed and did so two days last week when I had d&v and dd had a bad cold and was grouchy. I did a pathetic attempt at parenting, DH did the rest and worked when he could.

[Hoggle246]

I know, it's ridiculous.

I know it's cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I just couldn't bear to ask dh to stay off work. He knows I'm ill, if he couldn't do the decent thing and at least offer then I can't be arsed to beg.

Dh is genuinely good at most stuff but I just don't think he gets the illness thing. And he is so stressed with work I don't think he can see the wood for the trees atm.

[Only1scoop]

If he won't be back until late then that is really selfish. Agree regarding the asking him. He can see what is going on. Maybe he will decide to come home straight from work. Hope so.

[Hoggle246]

Dh just called to see how I am. Told him I am in fact still ill. He said he won't go to the party tonight. So I feel better about that.

Now just to get through the next 10 hours...

Hope all in the same boat feel better soon

[NobodyLivesHere]

My (unsurprisingly now ex) partner went back to work the day after I was discharged from hospital after a hysterectomy leaving me with 3 under 5s. When he had a hernia operation he took a month off work.
Cock.

[HamishBamish]

I think he should go to work, but not attend the Christmas party. I see that he's seen sense and has agreed not to go.

It's horrendous when you're ill and a SAHP. There's just no escape and no leeway to recover. I've had to be rescued by my PIL on a couple of occasions because I was so ill it was dangerous for the children as they were tiny and I was incapable of looking after them properly. On one other occasion DH had to take the day off work.

I hope you survive the day ok OP, you have my sympathy. It's one of the worst things about being a SAHP.

[YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually]

Glad it's sorted OP, but this
I know it's cutting off my nose to spite my face, but I just couldn't bear to ask dh to stay off work. He knows I'm ill, if he couldn't do the decent thing and at least offer then I can't be arsed to beg

I genuinely don't get this way of thinking. You just risk making yourself a martyr and causing needless resentment. Surely you can have a discussion with your DH without "begging". If you can't honestly communicate with the man you are married to, it's indicative of a bigger problem.

My DH is lovely but he's not a mind reader. But I do have a long term health condition so every day is bad tbh,on a couple of occasions recently I have had to say "I can't manage, is there any chance you can stay here" - I don't want him to risk his job so it's a fine line, but I see it as my responsibility to tell him if I can't cope, not for him to guess.

Do you feel a bit resentful or neglected generally at the moment?

[Hoggle246]

Thanks hamish, (luckily) this is the first time I've truly felt horrendous since having ds and it's not enjoyable. Have put him down for an early nap, now that I'm not focussing on him I feel even worse. He will hopefully nap for at least an hour so planning to get some rest.

nobody what an absolute bellend. Thank goodness you're shot of him.

[Only1scoop]

Hope you feeling better soon Op

[skylark2]

Ouch, OP, that sounds miserable.

At the very least your DH should be getting up at 4 with your little one so you can sleep until he needs to leave.

[Hoggle246]

yesIdid I do see where you're coming from re martyrdom although that's not the aim. In usual circumstances I wouldn't expect him to be a mind reader but in this situation it's unequivocally obvious that I could do with some support. And I'm independent enough that if the support isn't freely given, then I'd rather just get on with it myself.

I won't be resentful of him as it's my decision not to ask, however the next time he takes to his bed ill he will probably get less sympathy from me. And I do appreciate him not going to the party, and him deciding to do this without me having asked means much more than if I felt I was bending his arm.

In terms of the general situation, to be fair you're right, we are still adjusting to our roles so this is part of a wider picture. And I do feel he doesn't understand the sheer relentlessness of being a SAHP. But he would probably argue I've forgotten the hideousness of commuting and office nightmares etc. There's truth in both probably, and that's part of a wider issue we're still negotiating as part of our new life as parents. Mostly, I feel that he is supportive and I hope he feels the same in terms of his work life.