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AIBU to consider suspending contact?

(10 Posts)
spudalicious Tue 16-Dec-14 21:35:12

I will try and make this brief, but there's a lot of backstory...

Separated from exH 2 years ago. He had problems with alcohol (and there were abuse issues within the marriage). My DD (now 8) and I left on the day that he picked her up from school when he was drunk.

Following several court hearings residence was granted to me with a prohibited steps order stating that he was to refrain from drinking alcohol for 24 hours prior to contact and during his contact.

Since this order he has seen her regularly and nearly always takes her to the pub (up until now he and she have been adamant that he has not drunk alcohol despite being in the pub). He claims his flat is not suitable for contact with her.

Last week DD told me that 'daddy had a drink from an upside bottle on the wall with tonic' and she was worried that it was alcohol.

I, too, cannot see how it can be anything other than alcohol. I have spoken to him and he has denied any knowledge of it and says it 'just didn't happen'. My DD loves her dad and I can see no reason for her to lie as she has some understanding that there would be consequences if he did.

I have spent the last 2 years working so hard for my DD to have good, regular contact with her dad and I am just so sad and fucked off that he is potentially jeopardising what is so important to her.

So, WIBU to suspend contact on the basis of my DD's word as he seems to be in clear breach of the order and say that he cannot see her until we can agree some sort of supervised contact in a location more suitable than a pub?

phoenixrose314 Tue 16-Dec-14 21:40:38

Does he not have parents, DD's grandparents, that would be willing to see her in their home for their supervised contact? Or any public place more appropriate for a child!! A soft play area, a park, anywhere really!

BobbyBingoooo Tue 16-Dec-14 21:42:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spudalicious Tue 16-Dec-14 21:48:08

phoenix - he doesn't get on with his parents and so wouldn't take her there. He also has only so much time to see her (a couple of hours) and getting to his parents and back and spending any time with her would be impossible in that timeframe. If I'm honest, he is the kind of person who throws up obstacles to all suggestions that don't suit him, so there's little point going down that road.... No local soft play, parks are ok in summer but it's not always the weather for it now.

Loletta Tue 16-Dec-14 21:53:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

spudalicious Tue 16-Dec-14 22:00:30

Apparently it's a horrible mess, has loads of shit in it and no proper furniture. It's 'borrowed' from his dad who is a terrible hoarder, so I can well believe it to be true. I have suggested he should tidy it up, but am reluctant to get any further involved. Apparently tidying is an impossibility for unspecified reasons. Essentially though, he has no desire to move on with his life and likes to create a victimhood status for himself and living in a difficult state feeds into that I think.

Loletta Tue 16-Dec-14 22:01:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigredtractor Tue 16-Dec-14 22:10:17

I'm sorry but any decent man would find somewhere. A library, cafe, shopping centre food hall, bloody KFC - anywhere.

If dependency on alcohol is a problem, why on earth would he out himself in the situation where the temptation is too great? (Thats rhetorical, BTW).

I dont think it'd be unreasonable to insist on a more suitable contact venue. YANBU

cricketballs Tue 16-Dec-14 22:19:55

Going back to your first post - the pub I used to work in had the cordials dispensed as sprits, i.e. on the wall with the dispensers as per spirits.

Unless you have proof I think YABU to stop contact

TracyBarlow Tue 16-Dec-14 22:24:16

Christ. How is a pub ever going to be a suitable place for a man with alcohol issues to take his daughter on a contact visit? Even if he's not drinking alcohol.

Isn there a cafe? A McDonald's? A church even? I'd try and insist on a different venue before stopping contact, but you may have to got court again so you don't get in bother with the judge.

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