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To not want to date somebody with children?

(95 Posts)
mytartanscarf Tue 16-Dec-14 16:23:29

I am biting the bullet and in the NY will join a dating site.

I've been browsing a few and it seems I can stipulate whether or not I want to date somebody with children - I'm fairly sure I don't.

It just seems too complex for everybody concerned.

My friend thinks this is unreasonable - so I'll hand it over to Mumsnet fgrin

formerbabe Tue 16-Dec-14 16:24:46

Do you have children though op?

DancingDinosaur Tue 16-Dec-14 16:26:53

I probably wouldn't want to if I didn't have children of my own.

fieldfare Tue 16-Dec-14 16:27:10

It's entirely up to you.
Although you could be ruling someone perfect out by that criteria as it is rather limiting when someone has got to a 'certain' age.

mytartanscarf Tue 16-Dec-14 16:27:15

No, sorry I didn't mention that smile No children - but I do want them in future which is one major reason I wouldn't want to be with somebody who already has theirs.

DancingDinosaur Tue 16-Dec-14 16:27:33

Do you have children though?

EatShitDerek Tue 16-Dec-14 16:27:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DancingDinosaur Tue 16-Dec-14 16:27:45

X post

mommy2ash Tue 16-Dec-14 16:27:47

as long as you are ok with men not wanting to date you because you have children then it's fine at least you are honest

DrewOB Tue 16-Dec-14 16:28:05

if you are looking for something long term, dating someone with kids means having kids around all the time, having your life being controlled by ex partner to some extent.

I think it's fair to say you don't want to date people with kids.

littlemslazybones Tue 16-Dec-14 16:28:47

It's not unreasonable, it's your choice. I can see why, on balance, it might be easier to have a partner who doesn't already have children and I can't see a good reason to make life harder, given the choice.

mytartanscarf Tue 16-Dec-14 16:28:56

Fieldfare - that's my friend's point. But, I can't help but feel that if they DO have children, they aren't perfect confused (for me, I mean, not that they aren't a lovely person!)

A child or children are or should be such a HUGE part of someone's life that it isn't something you can overlook like "well I'd prefer you to be a bit closer" or "I normally prefer taller men" - it's a massive aspect of their life.

LikeSilver Tue 16-Dec-14 16:29:01

If I was single, there is no way in hell I would let any prospective partner near my DD unless I and they were absolutely sure they wanted to be properly involved and there was a long-term future for the relationship. So YABU, at all.

lunar1 Tue 16-Dec-14 16:29:01

I wouldn't date anyone with children. And if dh and I split up I'd go for the fun part of dating but would never bring another man into my children's lives.

It's not unreasonable to have a preference about your own future!!

formerbabe Tue 16-Dec-14 16:29:12

No, sorry I didn't mention that smile No children - but I do want them in future which is one major reason I wouldn't want to be with somebody who already has theirs

Perfectly reasonable then op.

ClumsyFool Tue 16-Dec-14 16:29:27

It's not unreasonable if it's your preference, it could mean discounting a potentially great bloke, but it's not like there's only one of them in the whole world. It's your dating life and your choice IMO. What should it matter whether your friend would do the same?

smable Tue 16-Dec-14 16:29:31

No I think admitting that you don't want to date someone with children is fine, the problem is when people get involved with someone with children and then bitch about it.

LikeSilver Tue 16-Dec-14 16:29:48

*YANBU! Fail.

ASAS Tue 16-Dec-14 16:30:16

There's enough, "I hate my step children" threads on here to break a stone heart. If you feel this way please don't get involved with someone with children.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase Tue 16-Dec-14 16:30:17

You can have any conditions you want - you can refuse to date anyone but 6 ft blinds with green eyes and degrees in botany, it just limits your chances of meeting somebody decent grin

Agree the "no children" thing is only likely to work if you don't have any yourself. Once past your 20s there will of course be fewer same age men without children, especially if you also exclude ones who live with their mums... grin

merrychristmasyafilthyanimal Tue 16-Dec-14 16:30:22

Well if YABU I suppose I am too! Pre kids I would not have dated someone with children either.

Petallic Tue 16-Dec-14 16:31:00

Of course it's not unreasonable. I can't see why your friend thinks it is. Children are the most time, effort and money draining hobby ever! And if it's not for you, then YANBU to be upfront about it.

mytartanscarf Tue 16-Dec-14 16:31:06

I agree smable - have had first hand experience of that and it's so damaging to all concerned. I would NEVER do that but just the same, I just think I want my own family with somebody, not part of someone else's.

Bulbasaur Tue 16-Dec-14 16:32:45

When I was dating I dropped men like rocks when I found out they had kids. That was definitely a deal breaker for me.

Now I'm married with a kid of my own. I guess if I got divorced or something I'd prefer a guy with kids since they already know the drill so to speak.

It really is up to you as far as personal preference. There's plenty of older men with no kids that are charming and just haven't met the right person yet.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase Tue 16-Dec-14 16:33:23

*blonds not blinds - dating blinds might be a bit strange

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