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To expect people to use my actual surname when sending us Xmas cards

(281 Posts)
CantStopEatingCheese Tue 16-Dec-14 13:32:16

First AIBU post so be gentle!

Every year this gets to me. I am married but never changed my surname to DH's surname. Every year Christmas cards arrive with "Mr + Mrs DHSurname" on the envelope. I am not Mrs DHSurname, I am Mrs CantStopEatingCheese. I would expect cards addressed to "Mr DHSurname and Mrs CantStopEatingCheese". Is that too much to ask?

I can uderstand it coming from elderly relatives (for whom the concept might be alien). I can understand it from people who maybe don't know us very well (or only know DH and might not be aware of my surname). I can even understand cards addressed to "DHSurname Family" (both DCs have his surname so there are more of them than me). But from my own parents? Close friends of mine who've known me since before I got married? Is this not a bit weird?

Can I add that I come from a country where women don't change their name when getting married (there is no official way for achieving this) and that when this law was passed back in the 80's my mum changed her name back to her maiden name (my parents are still married).

DidoTheDodo Tue 16-Dec-14 13:35:39

I agree with you entirely. I too have received post with "Mr and Mrs H Surname" on it, one or two from people who are supposed to be MY friends!

And we went to a wedding recently where my place card read "Dido Hissurname"

It is infuriating and there is absolutely no need for it. RUDE!!

WorraLiberty Tue 16-Dec-14 13:35:45

Meh, it's not something I'd really think about when writing out 50+ cards to be honest.

Just chill out and smile that they thought to send you one.

Xmasbaby11 Tue 16-Dec-14 13:37:46

Yabu. People are in a rush to write millions of cards. I can't always remember the name choices of all my friends.

Allice Tue 16-Dec-14 13:38:13

Oh god, do I know you?
One of my husbands friends wives didn't take his surname, I can never remember her name so just sent the card to mr and Mrs!

Mammanat222 Tue 16-Dec-14 13:39:17

Forgive me for being dense but if you keep your maiden name are you still a Mrs?

Odd that your parents would send you a card addressed to the wrong name when you say your mother changed her name back to her maiden name.

In the grand scheme of things though it really is no big deal?

I am intrigued what country you cannot change your name to your married name as well?

BitOutOfPractice Tue 16-Dec-14 13:40:06

I really can't be bothered to care about it to be honest. It's a Christmas card. A nice thing. Not a solicitors letter or a bill. Drop your shoulders, let it go

Quitelikely Tue 16-Dec-14 13:40:43

YABU. Nobody will actually give a second thought to that. Why do you actually care?!

I think you must have a very easy life!

WorraLiberty Tue 16-Dec-14 13:40:51

Allice you mean you didn't address it to Mr and Ms?? fshock

Contraryish Tue 16-Dec-14 13:41:25

Shouldn't you be Ms CantStopEatingCheese as opposed to Mrs. Doesn't Mrs indicate you are married to the person with that surname?

I have the opposite problem, I have feminist friends who continue to address me by my maiden name 11 years in. I find it rather amusing though, it's certainly not worth getting your knickers in a twist over.

MrsCampbellBlack Tue 16-Dec-14 13:41:32

Definitely tell them you were offended then they just won't send you any more cards - a good result for everyone smile

CantStopEatingCheese Tue 16-Dec-14 13:41:50

WorraLiberty It's not like I have a go at them or cross them off my Xmas card list. And I do appreciate the thought. And realise that they are not doing it on purpose to annoy me. But when writing cards I definitely try and use the correct surname of people (if I'm aware). But this year, every single card so far hasn't had my actual name on.

Famousfor5 Tue 16-Dec-14 13:44:27

Do people really do Mr and Mrs on cards for friends anyway? I just use first names or the name of the person in the couple that I'm actually friends with. Titles for elderly aunts only.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Tue 16-Dec-14 13:46:01

YABU it gets the card through the front door, job done. It's what is in the card that's important!

But it's ok, half of Mumsnet get their knickers in a twist over it every year, so you'll have plenty of company!


DidoTheDodo Tue 16-Dec-14 13:46:21

I'm still with the OP, YABU!

It's bloody annoying when people get your name wrong.

And to all those who can't remember, write it correctly in your address book for future reference.

(My gay married friends get addressed as Mr A Bloke and Mr B Chap, why should it be any more difficult for straight marrieds?!)

WorraLiberty Tue 16-Dec-14 13:46:26

I have friends of 30+ years who still can't spell my first name properly

It's mildly amusing, but either way it's nice that they thought to send the card so I can't get fussed about it.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Tue 16-Dec-14 13:47:32

Famous...I do whatever I do at the time, quite a mixture! Depends on how far through the Mulled wine I am I think fgrin

WorraLiberty Tue 16-Dec-14 13:47:39

But it's ok, half of Mumsnet get their knickers in a twist over it every year, so you'll have plenty of company!

Yes, this ^^ fgrin

HellKitty Tue 16-Dec-14 13:47:56

Pisses me right off. When I was married (shit marriage!) DM would address cards to Mrs hisfirstname hissurname. Like I had ceased to exist.

DidoTheDodo Tue 16-Dec-14 13:48:05

It's not so much a spelling thing, as a social comment!

sykadelic Tue 16-Dec-14 13:49:39

Yanbu to expect your friends and family would know your name. Get some return labels made with your Mr Married & ms. Maiden when sending your cards. Hopefully people get the point!

Yabu to think youre Mrs maiden name though. Mrs goes in front of your married surname. Ms is for maiden.

WorraLiberty Tue 16-Dec-14 13:50:54

But that's just it, for most people it's not a social comment.

It's just a case of people getting through writing their Christmas cards, and perhaps some people thinking they're name/status is a bit more important to other people than it actually is.

CMOTDibbler Tue 16-Dec-14 13:51:46

I'm with the OP, it drives me batshit that I don't apparently have the right to my lifelong name. And everyone knows that it is my name. DS is double barrelled, and I would object less to being 'The family myname-hisname' than being reduced to just Mrs (an honorative I don't use, but I know people who use Mrs with their birth surname)

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights Tue 16-Dec-14 13:52:05

Social comment is 'Merry Christmas' not 'did she take his name or not, does she spell Tracy with or without an e'. Someone took the time to think of you and send you a card...isn't that enough, really?

MorelliOrRanger Tue 16-Dec-14 13:52:40

If card has your first name in it then don't worry about it.

I receive cards to Mr and Mrs Morelli, and we aren't even married.

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