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To be considering cancelling Christmas

(37 Posts)
Itsgoingtoreindeer Tue 16-Dec-14 08:20:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChristmasDawndonnaagain Tue 16-Dec-14 08:31:11

Stop clearing up after her, if you can stand it. Two weeks of no clean clothes to wear will ensure that they go in the appropriate place.
Oh, and it's normal and they do come out the other side being lovely. Hope your flu gets better soon!

Mousefinkle Tue 16-Dec-14 08:46:08

Remember this. Wise words.

ihatethecold Tue 16-Dec-14 08:47:28

Read this book.
Get out of my life but first take me and Alex to town.
It will all become clear.
It sounds like she is wanting attention whether is positive or negative.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Tue 16-Dec-14 08:50:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

simbacatlivesagain Tue 16-Dec-14 09:00:09

Ok. if you can type you havent got flu!

That aside it is a vulnerable time for children when they change schools. Her change of behaviour may well be due to the insecurities that she is trying to hide by being bolshie.

No you shouldnt cancel Christmas. You sound a bit of a drama queen tbh. Dont say or suggest something that you dont mean.

11 year old girls dont usually cry for petty reasons (if she was really crying). Try and find out why.

dalmatianmad Tue 16-Dec-14 09:02:49

I could have written this post about my 13 year old dd, she's awful at times.

I'm at the point now where I open her bedroom door and put her clean stuff on her bed. It's a tip but have made her aware that if she wants to live like that then that's her choice.
She soon pucks dirty clothes up when there's nothing clean and she tidies her room if a friend is coming round.
Her attitude is terrible, pick your arguments is my only advice.
It'll probably get worse before it gets better!

Whatsthewhatsthebody Tue 16-Dec-14 09:09:27

Oh gosh she sounds like a pretty normal 11 year old to me and I had 4.

Does she have to hang up her uniform? Mine drape it over a chair at night. She climbed over you because you are mum. Kids do that.

11 is the most hormonal age. She's started a new school and the stress of this is huge as is the stress of fitting in and finding her place amongst her peers.

I would cry if someone told me no drink, snack or dog!

I would cut her some slack.

Guess it's bugging you more as you feel ill. That's understandable.

Chin up op they get better. wink

Oppugno Tue 16-Dec-14 09:13:51

I would pick everything of hers up and put it in her room be it a cereal bowl or dirty/clean clothes and I would then explain that you have asked her to tidy up and she didn't listen so she can live however she wants in her own room therefore everything that she should have tidied up will go in there.

I do think that you are being a little bit of a drama queen, saying that you're going to cancel Christmas and all that. Rather than make threats have you found out the reasonings to your DD' behaviour? There must be something that she isn't telling you or that you are not trying hard enough to find out.

Kingoftheroad Tue 16-Dec-14 09:14:02

Simbacatlivesagain - get a grip - why the need for insults I do not know. Take it you're a doctor who can diagnose illness via Internet forum.

OP does not sound at all needy and I am sure does not need comments like this.

Hope you now enjoy the rest of your day knowing that you could have caused someone who is already struggling more distress - well done.

OP is going through what is normal at this age and I'm sure in time it will all even out - it did with us. Stay strong, keep to your boundaries and I love the idea of the no washing clothes rule.

You sound like a brilliant mum btw.

WeirdCatLady Tue 16-Dec-14 09:17:53

If she leaves something behind, pick it up and dump it in her room. Every time. (And I do mean dump it, don't place it nicely) She is old enough to clean up after herself and if she doesn't then there should be consequences. If she doesn't hang her stuff up then she goes to school crumpled. I'd sit her down and have a talk with her about boundaries and respect. If she is rude to you then simply don't engage, tell her if she can't speak to you civilly then you aren't going to talk to her.

Hope you feel better soon.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Tue 16-Dec-14 09:19:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

marne2 Tue 16-Dec-14 09:22:04

Op, she sounds quite normal for her age, my dd is a little bit younger ( almost 11 ), she is just like your dd, it drives me nuts, she rarely takes any notice of any instructions, answers back and is very messy, I went into her room yesterday morning to find her floor covered in clothes which included her school uniform fro Friday ( I told her off as I tell her every Friday to put her uniform in the wash ), she has a answer for everything, think she's knows best and doesn't like the work 'no'. I am hoping it doesn't get worse as she goes into her teens sad.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Tue 16-Dec-14 09:22:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itsgoingtoreindeer Tue 16-Dec-14 09:25:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatsthewhatsthebody Tue 16-Dec-14 09:29:13

It sounds like you have had a really rough time op. However honestly don't worry about your dd as she sounds completely normal for her age. Just keep plugging away at what really matters. Her being civil to you and doing well at school etc and the rest will come eventually.

Stay close to her and try to keep your sense of humour and proportion. They can drive you nuts otherwise.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl Tue 16-Dec-14 09:32:22

It is normal, pick your battles.

Kids rebel and cry and hit out against parents because parents set boundaries of what is and isn't acceptable in the big wide world outside.

It is down to us to teach them, and it is only because they love you and feel comfortable in your love for them that they can dish out the crap time after time.

My eldest is 14 now and coming out of the fug.. my other is 12 and she is teetering on the brink of "I hate you mum".

mix56 Tue 16-Dec-14 09:39:26

Sounds like pretty standard teenage stuff, & agree with pp, re don't clear it up, don't do her washing etc unless in laundry basket, occasionally if I find stuff lying around that I have repeatedly asked to be put in their place I stick them outside out the window. It definitely lowers my stress level (grin)

JT05 Tue 16-Dec-14 09:50:36

As others have said, pretty normal stuff. Good advice given by others, especially ' pick your battles'. I'd add, don't be drawn into arguments, state your case and walk away.

My DS once said '..... Ok I will do it, only because I respect you!' Said in temper. I thought 'yes, job done'.
Being a mum is a long hard job. X

Fairylea Tue 16-Dec-14 09:56:00

I have a dd aged 12. They are like massive egocentric stroppy toddlers again at this age.

I would be quite hard now... you've tried nice. If she leaves stuff all over your bedroom she is not to come in there. Get one of those little locks at the top of the door that slides across, add a padlock and don't let her in there. If she is leaving crap everywhere else ask her to tidy it and if she won't bag it up in bin bags and throw it (you can put it in a shed etc and make her believe you've thrown it out to shock her and then bring it back and say next time it really will go).

And so on.

Badvocinapeartree Tue 16-Dec-14 09:56:28

I think perhaps how you are feeling - I.e. very ill - is probably clouding your judgement somewhat.
If it's any consolation, my 2 dc are selfish too. They are children. The idea that your parent is an actual human being with feelings and needs of their own doesn't really occur to most kids til they are past puberty ime smile

JingleBellSniffer Tue 16-Dec-14 10:03:02

my sister's 16 and she still climbs on my mum. she's just a little bit lighter than my mum at 10stone. she's heavy as hell but wants cuddles and kisses every day. it will most likely wear off when she starts getting boyfriends and starts getting the attention elsewhere.
my mum wouldn't dare ban christmas. my dad would go mad if she suggested that - my mum was brought up with everything and my dad wasn't so he wants to give us really ace christmasses. bad behaviour is a learning curve and rebelling is normal teenager behaviour. Mum tells me to hang my clothes up - i've only just started doing that a few years ago. clean your room - she does it again anyway as it's not up to her standards ( i still live at home grin)

what shes doing is normal.
it wasn't long ago since i was 11 and i was the opposite - i never went near my parents.
my sister is constantly shadowing my mum like a lost puppy - its what they do.
good luck x

MargaretRiver Tue 16-Dec-14 10:07:36

Also have a 12 year old
For her, the biggest thing at the moment is
DONT TREAT ME LIKE A CHILD
So if, like you, I told her what a lovely day we'd had and that she'd been so good, she would have been mortally insulted at the second half of that sentence
It's not something you'd say to your sister/ friend, so she would feel babied by it
I don't know if that is any use to you
( obviously I don't think of her as an adult, really, but if I can talk to her like an adult in small ways like this it seems to help)

waithorse Tue 16-Dec-14 10:22:25

Mine are all primary aged, but your dd sounds totally normal. Sometimes I can't be bothered to hang my clothes up. shock

Itsgoingtoreindeer Tue 16-Dec-14 11:19:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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