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Amnio screwing my head up wish I was dead.

(45 Posts)
ChristmasCrackerPop Tue 16-Dec-14 01:24:03

Oh I don't know what to do, 2 days ago I got called back for my nuchal bloods came back 1 in 20 chance of problems, I'm terrified of having to terminate, we tried for 8 months for this baby. I'm 14 weeks and a few days, they are going to do the amnio on the 22nd as have to be 15 weeks. I Had planned to tell everyone on Christmas day but now I won't be telling a soul as I'll be awaiting the results.

I'm an emotional mess and my DH is being so horrible (I think) every time I've phoned the specialist and etc the first thing he says is 'Oh can we still get rid' when I said they where moving it back 4 days.

I was explaining to him the other night about the process and he interrupted asking me to look online for fish tank lights.

Last night even though I'm still struggling badly with hypremisis I helped him drilling his tank which took hours till 2am and was so tired today but tonight I'm really emotional and when I need someone to stay up and comfort me he just doesn't care, says he's tired it just seems like I'm so alone seeing as he's the only one who knows about this pregnancy.

I told him to maybe just sleep downstairs so I can have a good cry and he told me why don't i fucking sleep downstairs. So I'm sat in the kitchen. Never felt so alone, don't even want to be here anymore.

Threeplus1 Tue 16-Dec-14 01:35:11

Hi christmascracker

You poor thing sad do you have a trusted friend in RL who you can confide in? Your OH sounds pretty insensitive (trying to be diplomatic) so it sounds to me like you need someone to offload on who can give you a good cuddle and some much needed support
Maybe call your midwife or speak to your GP about your fears, felling like this is not good for you or your baby

flowers brew

Selks Tue 16-Dec-14 01:36:21

I'm so sorry that you're going through this and that your H is being an unsupportive arse. Is he always like this?
I would think about whether there is a trusted friend or someone that you can talk to in real life about all this. You need support.
I have no idea about the pregnancy issues, but didn't want your post to go unanswered, regardless.
I'd suggest try to get some rest tonight then tomorrow think about who in RL you could talk to. (Hugs)

Selks Tue 16-Dec-14 01:36:47

X post

AlpacaMyBags Tue 16-Dec-14 01:36:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie Tue 16-Dec-14 01:37:15

I couldn't not answer you. You poor, poor thing. Firstly, the amnio. There is still an overwhelming chance that all will be well. Please hang onto that for now and cross any bridges only if you have to. A similar thing happened to me and baby was perfectly fine. She is now driving around in her own car and living life large. I refuses all testing in subsequent pregnancies, incidentally.

Now, your partner. He is an absolute dick. But you are in no state to deal with that just now. Wait until you know what is happening with baby. Park it for now, knowing you will have to deal with it at some point in the future. I suggest you tell another close family member or friend and get some support because he seems incapable of it. Have you been offered done antenatal choices counselling ? Grab it with both hands or ask your care providers for it.

Good luck love, and hang in there. Things will work out, whatever happens thanks

CheshireDing Tue 16-Dec-14 01:40:24

YANBU to be very confused and worried. Have you been told about CVS as that can be don e a little sooner (can't remember exactly when) ? Fx for you and baby. I hope your DH becomes more supportive

Homebird8 Tue 16-Dec-14 01:42:12

Oh you poor darling Pop. Your DH isn't on the same planet as you and everything seems so uncertain. Even your plans for a Christmas Day announcement.

You come first. Try not to get ahead of yourself. There are 19 chances in 20 that this baby is just as you supposed, a little secret waiting to be announced. In fact, there are actually 20 chances because nobody can make you terminate this pregnancy, no matter what the outcome of the testing. It is your body, and your pregnancy, and there are still options, and choices which you have control of.

Then, there is the baby. This baby is precious. That shines through your post. You love him or her already and are a wonderful mother. You don't even have to have the amnio unless you feel that knowing what it might tell you about your baby will help you. Perhaps it might give you the information to research before the little one arrives. Perhaps it might set your mind at rest about any problems. Perhaps you may decide that or this little one would be better off if the pregnancy did not continue. You will know what to do.

Your DH is either hiding from himself and his feelings, or is maybe just someone who cannot be an adult when the chips are down. Personally, I would keep trying to share with him but find some support elsewhere (here is a good place) or from a friend in RL or perhaps your DM.

Don't feel alone. There are many, many people who know this situation. flowers

ArsenicStew Tue 16-Dec-14 01:43:19

1 in 20 chance of problems = 95% of everything being fine.

95%! - that's overwhelming positive.

Your DH needs a kick up the bum. Is there anyone who could have a word with him?

ArsenicStew Tue 16-Dec-14 01:44:17

When will you know the full results?

ChristmasCrackerPop Tue 16-Dec-14 01:46:11

I don't really have any close friends at all, I have one but to be honest what could she even say, I doubt she'd know what to say :-(

Because we are in the Channel Islands they only do Amnio, no CVS or harmony, in fact the Obstetrician got really off with me when I asked, MW hasn't been in touch, the specialist group just phoned to say a MW would be there for the process.

My DH is just being so nasty, I do love him but I wonder why I'm here sometimes. He can be such a pain and selfish towards me yet it's different when he wants me to be there for him.

He is making me feel that I'm being silly but I'm only 25 never did I think I'd have a 1 in 20 chance of a problem, I was naive enough to think once I hit 12 weeks I was safe, I'm just scared really and rambling on but I just can't stop crying, I've been trying my hardest to pretend baby will be fine as if I act otherwise he goes nasty... X

ChristmasCrackerPop Tue 16-Dec-14 01:47:46

Thank you all for your kind messages, it's nice to have somewhere to say the things that I just can't say at home. X

ChristmasCrackerPop Tue 16-Dec-14 01:48:15

They said that I'll known within 2-3 weeks x

Selks Tue 16-Dec-14 02:00:00

There will always be support for you on here, so that's something maybe.
For tonight, is there somewhere you can get some sleep? Do you have a spare bedroom or can you bed down on the sofa with bedding? I don't like the thought of you sat up in the kitchen.
The behaviour of your DH is an issue but one that can be thought about tomorrow. Your own well being right now is top priority. Can you make yourself comfortable under a duvet with a hot milky drink? You need to give yourself some TLC tonight, and we will be here to help you deal with tomorrow when it comes. X

Selks Tue 16-Dec-14 02:00:46

I have to sleep now, but will come back on here tomorrow.

ChristmasCrackerPop Tue 16-Dec-14 02:01:49

Thank you, I've put myself in the living room with a spare duvet and pillows on the sofa. Going to try and get some rest xxx

ArsenicStew Tue 16-Dec-14 02:04:53

Put some rubbish telly or a DVD on and try to distract yourself and get some sleep.

It's really rubbish that the 2-3 weeks spans christmas, but the most important thing is to look after yourself.

You can deal with 'D'H later.

flowers

Elletorrito Tue 16-Dec-14 02:10:44

You poor darling. I hope you sleep, worry and stress can make you feel so sick. Do try and sleep but make sure you've got a drink and some snacks ready...like Pps said look after yourself.

MummyBeerest Tue 16-Dec-14 02:24:48

Couldn't read and run.

I had hypermisis during my pregnancy and can empathise completely, it's hell. The worry of the test certainly doesn't help!

As someone else said upthread, there is a very likely chance that everything will be fine. HG can screw with your body like crazy, so the doctors are just taking absolute precaution.

Your DH is being insensitive in dealing with this. You need support, and I'd urge you to tell someone in real life about this. Struggling through pregnancy alone is awful, and neither you or your baby deserve that.

It's only 9:30 here so here if you still want to talk flowers

ChristmasCrackerPop Tue 16-Dec-14 02:30:19

Right well I went back upstairs to maybe see if we could cuddle up and forget it. He told me why am I trying to start an argument with him, I said I'm not I'm just upset, to which he told me to grow up and stop crying over nothing, which made me cry more.

He's just got out of bed and by the sounds of it is banging around downstairs, I'm such an idiot all I did was ask for him to cuddle or comfort me. I've never cried so much, this isn't what I wanted in life :-(

startwig1982 Tue 16-Dec-14 02:39:36

Sorry you're having a rough time. We had odds of 1:18 with ds and he's now a happy 3 year old. You still have more than 95% chance of your child being genetically normal. It's very scary but the odds are on your favour.
Your DH doesn't sound at all supportive but remember that he's going through the same sort of uncertainty as you. Not that that's an excuse, mind.
Try having a cup of tea if you can keep it down and a chat in the morning when things are calmer.

minmooch Tue 16-Dec-14 02:52:28

I'm so sorry that you are having this worry over your baby and that your husband is being such a twat. Crying over nothing? That is extremely hurtful. Previous posters are right in that for the moment concentrate in you and your baby. Shelve your twat of a husband until later. I have had normal pregnancies, miscarriages and still birth of twins. Unfortunately so many things are out of our control with our pregnancies. I knew from early on in my twin pregnancy that there may have been a problem with one or either of the babies. Unfortunately I lost both at 21 weeks but I loved every moment if my little ones growing inside me even knowing that I may not meet either of them alive. It was very stressful but I am still proud to have carried them and given them every chance they could. And that's all we can do - give our babies every chance. There is still hope for your baby until results say otherwise. Whatever happens you will get through. Keep talking on here and in RL if you can. Xx

Homebird8 Tue 16-Dec-14 03:00:34

And you can cry over nothing if you want. Not that you are. You are crying over your love and fear and confusion, perfectly reasonably.

I'm just worried that 'D'H doesn't accept your tears wherever they come from. They are a natural response and sometimes are a necessary release, even without all you have going on.

Rest your pregnant body in the bed and let him take the sofa. The morning is the time to talk, not now.

MummyBeerest Tue 16-Dec-14 03:11:38

If this is his way of comforting you, he's going about it all wrong. That's me being polite.

Call your family/friends and make arrangements to stay with them. Yoy don't need this.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 16-Dec-14 03:14:52

I'm not excusing your husband, maybe he IS just a dick. But DH and I went through a cancer scare for me years ago. During the period between 'it looks like cancer' and 'it's not cancer' he acted cold and unconcerned, just telling me 'It'll be nothing, don't let it get to you', 'don't worry, why are you getting upset' and such. I felt so alone and unloved. But when we went for the results and the doctor gave me the all clear DH broke down right then and there and started sobbing from relief. He was actually so terrified and felt so helpless that the only way he could keep it together was to minimize and deny. Needless to say, we had a good long talk afterwards about that!

Again, I'm not excusing your husband, just providing an alternate explanation for his behaviour. Only you will know if it could be a possible one for him.

As a pp said, right now just think about yourself. You can sort things out with your DH later. As wrong as it feels, don't look to him for support right now. Even if your friend wouldn't know what to say, it can be a relief just to talk to someone, even if all they have to offer is 'I'm sorry'. The only caveat would be if you feel this friend would not be able to support you in any decision you make regarding the pregnancy.

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