NC because it might be quite recognisable. I know I'm fretting about this and shouldn't, but it is bugging me.
I know friends A and B from the same period in my life. We were all studying as training for the same sort of job - A has changed her mind and is doing something different but related, B has taken longer because he had a baby, and I got a job earlier this year. I was very excited at the time, but I didn't think I rubbed it in (I didn't see it as anything to rub in, because there's no reason to think they wouldn't have got the same jobs if they had decided to/not been on paternity leave).
Friend A got married earlier this year, at the same time I was getting divorced. Obviously I did not speak about the divorce to her at the time (bit of a downer when you're planning a wedding!). But she has not once mentioned it since or got in touch to ask how I am doing with it, although I was her bridesmaid so you'd think we were quite close. She is from a fairly religious background, and I don't know if this might have to do with it.
Friend B married a little while ago and has a newborn. He is pretty religious and we have very different views on some things, but we've never had what I would call a row. He is strongly pro-life and I am pro-choice, although I have had an abortion and fertility issues. I don't think he knows this, though A does.
I recently moved to the same city he's living in, so did the usual thing of getting in touch, suggesting coffee. It didn't happen and I figured it might be because of the newborn. Recently his wife sent out a round robin asking for some decorating help (moving heavy things) and so I got in touch to offer, and heard nothing back, so assumed I wasn't welcome/needed. I was a little bit hurt because he knows I know next to no one else in the city and could have done with a little friendliness.
I just saw A and B discussing A coming to visit (she lives quite a long way away) and chimed in to say I'd love to see her while she was in town. B went quiet and A has got in touch with me privately to say she thinks it would be better not as I will 'upset' B. She's brushed me off when I asked what I've done to upset him, and I don't know if it's the abortion stuff (it is actually not massively easy for me getting lecture on the sanctity of life by someone who has a healthy newborn), or whether it's the job stuff, or whether he doesn't approve of the divorce.
I know the mature thing to do is to shrug and accept that there's little point trying to be friends with people who are more stress than they're worth. I really don't usually go in for drama-y friendships. But I would like to know what you think of their attitudes so I can stop fretting about it and letting it get to me. Or, maybe, so you can tell me a totally obvious reason for it that I've not thought of yet.
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AIBU?
about these friends and their attitude?
6 replies
TooMuchTimeToThink · 15/12/2014 23:31
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