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AIBU?

To let 9 yr old co-sleep?

71 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/12/2014 22:47

I've just seen a thread about a 16 yr old co-sleeping and the consensus is its weird.
My DC co-slept until 4, would co-sleep now if allowed. Recently, I have allowed it but is 9 too old? Doesn't feel weird, and I find their snoring quite comforting. I'm a single mum so have the space but at what age is it deemed too old?

OP posts:

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greeneggsandjam · 15/12/2014 22:51

No idea but I think its ok. 12/13 maybe? Then again it depends on circumstances really.

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Discopanda · 15/12/2014 22:59

I actually ended up sharing a room with my mum when I was 17 (she took the mortgage out with an ex-partner, they split up, he wouldn't move out until she could afford to buy him out so she ended up taking down the adjoining wall between my room and older sister's room and made it into one big room) I would be really surprised if many teenagers would want to co-sleep, but some are really close to their mums. My nearly 3 year old sometimes ends up in bed with us if she's poorly, I think it's a comfort thing.

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BarbarianMum · 15/12/2014 22:59

Depends. I think it is OK if they are actually capable of sleeping independently if necessary - when you are sick, or for school trips for example. Having said that, it might be useful to have an exit strategy.

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Aeroflotgirl · 15/12/2014 22:59

I wouldent unless they are going through some crisis or difficulties.

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IloveOreossx · 15/12/2014 23:01

I slept in my mums bed every so often until I was about 15/16 but that was down to having gone through major trauma

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TattyDevine · 15/12/2014 23:03

I wouldn't have a major issue with it on the basis that the end is nigh. If it was a real problem I probably would have stopped it before then anyway.

My DD 5 climbs in to our bed most nights around 2am and we don't mind. She will stop when she stops. Its not an issue, she doesn't wriggle and there is room.

If it were a problem we would deal with it.

We figure it will stop soon enough and we might even miss it!

Its only a problem if its a problem.

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TimelyNameChangey · 15/12/2014 23:04

You just can't call it "co sleeping" when the child is over 3. It's "Getting in bed with you".

My 6 year old gets in with me. It's fine until they get sweaty or approach puberty if you ask me.

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NotOneThingbutAnother · 15/12/2014 23:13

I agree with Timely - my 13 year old DD sometimes comes for a cuddle in bed but that is very very rare now, but my 11 year old would be in there every night if I let her! She slept with us every night until she was 6! Now she will only come in if her Dad is out or away, its me she wants a cuddle with. On the very rare occasions H is away and DDs get in bed with me, its the most comforting feeling ever. Maybe its a girl thing.

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JavelinArse · 15/12/2014 23:18

I think 9 is a bit too old to be sleeping in bed with mum/dad every night but I've never been a fan of co-sleeping so that could be why I'm not keen.

(Plus my 9 year old fidgets and wriggles all night so I wouldn't fancy sharing a bed with him!)

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WilburIsSomePig · 15/12/2014 23:19

DS (10) often comes in for a cuddle in the morning. I don't see any issue with it at all.

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Mouthfulofquiz · 15/12/2014 23:22

I actually really enjoyed co sleeping with my Ds (2 and a half) for a week when he was poorly. My other little boy was in the room too in his cot. It all felt very 'right' if you know what I mean? I will not be saying that when they are big sweaty boys - but then again, they're hardly likely to want to snooze in with Ma are they?

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QTPie · 15/12/2014 23:23

Watching with interest...

We didn't "co-sleep", but DS has been getting into bed with us ever since the baby gate came off of his bedroom door (just before 3 years). So 2 years of him "appearing" at some point during every night. Doesn't bother me must of the time and is mostly actually very snuggly.

Not worried about it now and ASSUMING he will grow out if it!

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BigMartin · 15/12/2014 23:25

My Ds is 8 and sleeps in my bed, however this is mainly because he often has siezures in the night and doesn't like to be alone when it happens. If he didn't have them it still wouldn't bother me if he co-slept but I don't think he would want to.

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springalong · 15/12/2014 23:33

my 9 year old ds wakes up at about 1am and gets in with me. I have recently been wondering I should pop him back in his own bed. But we've had a hard few years and he sleeps so peacefully.

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OddFodd · 15/12/2014 23:34

I can't remember the last time DS slept in his own bed (he's nearly 8). He has SN which affect him quite badly at night. Me being right there can stop things in their tracks and means he sleeps more (I don't because he's horribly fidgety and bruises my legs). I'd much rather he slept in his own bed but I reckon that's a conversation I'm going to have (if he hasn't instigated) before he starts secondary.

Once he's older, I don't think lack of sleep with affect him so much and he really needs to learn to sleep alone!

I think there were a lot of other complex issues going on in that other thread OP

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Bulbasaur · 15/12/2014 23:36

I never co-slept. But my parents had to lay down with me in my bed at night for about 10 minutes for me to fall asleep until I was 9. Then one day I announced to them I was too old for them to sleep with me anymore and that was that.

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Zippidydoodah · 15/12/2014 23:38

Nothing wrong with sharing a bed with your child if you and they are happy with it, surely?

My brother and I used to take it in turns to sleep in my mums bed when she was divorcing my dad. We children loved it, and found it comforting. Not sure about my mum though!? I was around 8-10, and my bro a bit younger.

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TimelyNameChangey · 15/12/2014 23:39

We struggled against it a bit recently...DH and I. We tried to get DD out of our bed as DH gets out when DD gets in.....but DH can't bear it when she cries about wanting to get in....he says life is too short to fight a 6 year old who wants her Mum.

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Lweji · 15/12/2014 23:41

My almost 10 year old still sleeps in my bed from time to time, particularly when he is ill, or wants some comfort (after a scary or emotionally hard film for example).
I have a wide bed and we hardly touch anyway.
I expect he will completely stop once he hits puberty.

It used to be more often when he used to kick off his covers and before I set the heating in his room to start before the colder hours.

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o0 · 15/12/2014 23:51

My 10 year old DS would happily cosleep every night!

He doesn't get to as I cosleep with my 7 year old DS and there's not enough room. He does get to share with us when he's ill.

I don't think it's weird at all. 9/10 is still so little. When mine were younger 10 seemed big but really he's still a little boy.

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Floisme · 16/12/2014 07:08

My son used to sleep with us on and off until he was about 10 or 11. He had his own room but sometimes he just wanted some company and a cuddle! It tailed off gradually - he's 16 now and no, he doesn't still do it and he's as confident and independent as any teenager! Provided you're getting enough sleep yourself, I wouldn't worry about it. I have very happy memories of those times.

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Sallystyle · 16/12/2014 08:41

My almost 6 year old still sleeps with me. I don't share a bed with my husband. She often starts in her own bed and at some point comes into mine. Some nights she just goes straight into my room.

I slept with 4 out of 5 of mine, the older ones grew out of it on their own before they turned 11.

My 15, 13 and 11 year old can often be found in the same bed though. They have their own beds obviously, but where they will sleep from one night to the next is anyone's guess. They often get into bed to talk and I guess they just fall asleep or can't be bothered to go to their own beds. My 15 year old is developmentally delayed and as such still hasn't really got to the stage where he needs or wants much privacy at night.

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quietlysuggests · 16/12/2014 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

worldgonecrazy · 16/12/2014 08:53

DD (5) sleeps with us about 30% of the time. Sometimes I go and sleep with her if I've missed her a lot during the day.

My view is that it won't be long before she's a teenager and won't want anything to do with her uncool old fuddy-duddy parents, so I take every opportunity for a snuggle that I can get.

She is starting to want her own bed more and more as she gets older, and we're letting the progression happen naturally.

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MrsMaker83 · 16/12/2014 09:44

If it is a regular/every single night thing, in my opinion it is too old to be bed sharing with parents.

If it is rare, on occasions where say the child cant sleep/is poorly/had a nightmare/just needs comforting for whatever reason, then i think it is fine.

There is nothing WRONG with sharing a bed, it is just not ideal.

I just think getting a good nights sleep where possible is important. Also, night time in bed is when most people are intimate with their partner so how does that work with a child always wedged in too? Relationships may end up suffering.