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AIBU?

Got unfriended on facabook - please help me feel grown-up about it

75 replies

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:16

Well, my ballet instructor has recently posted a message on his page that he was going to make his FB page more private so will be removing some friends, don't take it personally, etc.

Today I noticed that he had unfriended me. I am not really his close friend so it was fine - until out of curiosity I checked his profile and saw that he kept on most of our class, including those who I know for a fact are not close to him either.

Now, this is not a personal thing as he is gay, but I just can't help feeling very upset. It took me a long time catching up with the level of his class so I guess I sort of got used to being not good enough. :( He knew I had been struggling, but he accepted me in the class and was always very encouraging, we go a few years back, and the irony is, I have always thought he was the best dancer ever and admired him wholeheartedly (again, purely professional). I realise this may sound childish but this de-friending feels like a betrayal of my good feelings.

I am staying on with the class as I enjoy it but feel hurt to the extent that even begrudge writing him a Christmas card now.

OP posts:

Report

SamiBE · 14/12/2014 22:18

Make a light hearted joke about it to him x

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:19

Such as?..

OP posts:

skylark2 · 14/12/2014 22:19

Maybe he's still working on clearing out his friends list?

To be honest? It's Facebook - one website. This is the only site I post on where anyone even mentions it. Away from Mumsnet it is common and normal not to use it at all.

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:22

skylark2, not sure I understand your comment, sorry...

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WoodenGo · 14/12/2014 22:25

Now, this is not a personal thing as he is gay

What?

NoelleHawthorne · 14/12/2014 22:27

whole thread just WIERDO

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:27

WoodenGo I meant that this is not a "romantic rejection", I don't like him as a man or anything so that's not why I might feel upset.

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TimelyNameChangey · 14/12/2014 22:31

What can't you understand about Skys post OP? She was clear.

She said perhaps he hasn't finished his cull. And also that it doesn't really matter...it's Facebook...one website. Who cares?

You shouldn't care. If he is your teacher, then social media isn't really a good thing anyway.

AwfulBeryl · 14/12/2014 22:31

I hate being un friended too, it makes me want to go back in time so I can un friend them first. Then I realise I am being pathetic and get myself a grip, which is what you should do. In the nicest possible way.

FrameyMcFrame · 14/12/2014 22:32

I think you're justified to feel put out. But ultimately not everyone we know likes us, and it really doesn't matter.
Keep on with your friendly behaviour and continue to enjoy the class regardless.

ghostyslovesheep · 14/12/2014 22:33

he doesn't feel that friendly towards you ...get a grippy grip

ThereIsAPartridgeInTheKitchen · 14/12/2014 22:37

He's obviously not finished his friend clear out. That's what sky was saying.

merlehaggard · 14/12/2014 22:40

I've just been unfriended by someone is used to go to school with 30 years and been FB friends about 2 years. I was considering un friending him as his constant love declaring posts to his girlfriend were annoying me but in the end hid him, and then checked him occasionally when bored! Even though, I was still a little put out when I realised he had unfriended me, so I can imagine how you feel!

WilburIsSomePig · 14/12/2014 22:41

Strange. I understood Sky's' post too.

Move on, it's really not be important.

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:43

No, I don't post inspirational messages :)) I barely use FB at all.

Yes, it is just one web-site but I see the person every week and will find it difficult acting friendly to someone who is apparently not feeling friendly towards me.

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raltheraffe · 14/12/2014 22:46

I find it very odd you mention his sexuality.

caker · 14/12/2014 22:48

Maybe it's better to keep a student-teacher relationship rather than friends anyway?

HedgehogsDontBite · 14/12/2014 22:48

I barely use FB at all.

That's most likely the reason then.

TheRealMaryMillington · 14/12/2014 22:48

I just unfriended some people
Not as a cull per se
One because they kept posting Ukip shite
One because I barely know them any more really (school friend) and I felt weird seeing their stuff much divorce-related soul bearing and angst
One because they just "liked" Tesco and irritated the arse off me
None of whom I had any interaction with really.

Were you "social" with this guy over fb, or just watching him from afar?
I would have thought his unfriending you was a poor business decision but certainly nothing for you to be hurt by.

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:49

I didn't realise it could sound odd to anyone raltheraffe. The only reason I mentioned it was to avoid possible assumptions that I might be in love with him and that's why feeling so upset.

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MalibuStacy · 14/12/2014 22:51

This has happened to me and I was very upset. I found it extremely hard to be grown-up about it. DH thought it was pathetic. You have my sympathies, OP. Rejection hurts.

Just wondering though… I have un-friended people who are too braggy or post too many "share if you love your daughter…" type posts. Is it your positing style that made him unfriend you, do you think?

Wonc · 14/12/2014 22:53

Gosh you've copped it a bit on this thread OP.

I feel for you. I was defriended by a close relative, and actually got teary. I know how ridiculous that sounds, but it does hurt. Have some .
Unfortunately you will have to put it down as one of life's mysteries.

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Pancakeflipper · 14/12/2014 22:53

If you hardly use it and don't exchange stuff with him on FB then he's likely to think you would not care or perhaps not notice.

You are putting too much emphasis on a social media website you hardly use. How he acts with you in class is likely to be the truer reality of what he thinks about you.

raltheraffe · 14/12/2014 22:56

My reasons I unfriend:

graphic images of animal cruelty
inspirational quotes
incessant bragging about money and holidays
sharing any post by Britain First, racist comments
incessant game requests

PrettyBelle · 14/12/2014 22:56

TheRealMaryMillington, yes, there has been lots of interaction on FB between all members of our class, he created a group, posts videos with exercises, likes our photos if we go out for drinks, some of the girls from the class are his long-term friends.

And I don't watch him - it is not really about having or not having access to his page. If he now wants to make it more private (understandable) I am puzzled and offended that he is happy to share it with other, random students but not with me?

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