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To tie flowers to a lamp post where someone has died when I don't know them

(40 Posts)
babybarrister Sun 14-Dec-14 20:25:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RaisingMen Sun 14-Dec-14 20:26:53

I think it's a lovely idea. We don't have to know the person involved in order to feel saddened when something like that happens.

cardibach Sun 14-Dec-14 20:28:38

Unnecessary, especially as you don't know her. I find those memorial flowers rather distracting so they are a bit counter-productive. A child I taught was run over and I absolutely hated passing the flowers at the scene. Made me feel sick every time, so I don't think you can assume the family would like it anyway.

ILovePud Sun 14-Dec-14 20:28:41

I think that's a kind thing to do.

Trills Sun 14-Dec-14 20:30:14

You're not doing any HARM, but I would think it was rather weird.

Unnecessarily mawkish is a wonderful turn of phrase.

skylark2 Sun 14-Dec-14 20:31:42

Not much into vicarious grief, personally. I think it's desperately sad for her family, but it's THEIR grief, not yours.

Icimoi Sun 14-Dec-14 20:31:53

What do you mean "to be welcomed into the UK"? It's not a new practice in the UK.

But I'd say if you're doing it for the sake of her family, that's fine.

CatCushion Sun 14-Dec-14 20:32:34

If you do, secure a note to the flowers that says how you feel, and include that you didn't know the lady. That way the family won't have lots of questions about who you are and how you knew her.

wigglesrock Sun 14-Dec-14 20:33:51

A very close relative of mine was killed in a collision (they were a pedestrian ) at the beginning of the year. The accident happened a long way from home. When his wife made the trip to see where he died, some people had left some flowers just as you were going to. It touched her immeasurably that someone she had never met and probably never would meet had marked the place where her husband died. Nothing will ever make those horrible days any easier but that little act of kindness,understanding, compassion made us feel slightly less alone.

EatShitDerek Sun 14-Dec-14 20:34:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClashCityRocker Sun 14-Dec-14 20:36:14

We have such a site near our house. Sadly, a young chap was killed crossing the road on an evening. He attended the local school and there are/were lots of flowers - sadly, they are now all withered and dead and it seems quite morbid now - no one wants to take the flowers away, obviously, but it's now marked by a load of dead flowers.

Bear in the mind that the family might not realise that a gesture had been made - they may be avoiding that stretch of road at all costs.

Having said all that, I do think it is fitting to acknowledge the passing in some way....I'm kind of on the fence on this one.

DevonFolk Sun 14-Dec-14 20:36:28

Tbh I find it odd when the deceased isn't known to those leaving flowers. If you want the family to know you're thinking of them maybe get in touch through a third party asking if there was a charity close to her heart that you could donate to. Better use of your money imho.

Enjorasdream Sun 14-Dec-14 20:37:12

The problem with public tributes us that they can grow, and people start leaving scarves, cuddly toys, candles in jars etc etc. local councils are loath to remove them for fear of upsetting relatives and so you have a display 6 weeks later of tatty flower packaging, sodden clothing and other items. Is that really a fitting memorial to someone? I totally understand why you're want to leave them, but the family may not want their loved one immortalised by strangers in this way. Why not give a charity donation, and think of her while you are doing it?

AgentProvocateur Sun 14-Dec-14 20:37:14

EatShitDerek, are you communicating from beyond the grave? wink

GlitzAndGigglesx Sun 14-Dec-14 20:38:33

I don't think there's anything weird about it. People flock and leave flowers for dead celebrities who they didn't personally know so why is this any different? Nothing wrong with showing your respect

EatShitDerek Sun 14-Dec-14 20:41:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentProvocateur Sun 14-Dec-14 20:41:59

That's a relief!

Trills Sun 14-Dec-14 20:42:31

People flock and leave flowers for dead celebrities who they didn't personally know so why is this any different?

I think that's unnecessarily mawkish as well.

fuctifino Sun 14-Dec-14 20:46:28

My BiL killed somebody in an accident (he was completely blameless) and the mans family put flowers at the spot they thought he died at. It used to upset him greatly when he drove past but it was the only road out of the village, so couldn't really avoid it.

No, I don't think you should put flowers out.

SaucyJack Sun 14-Dec-14 22:16:40

It's a no from me.

I don't think nice thoughts about people who put on a big show of grief for people who meant nothing to them in life. Admittedly some things do touch you, but for me it's usually the deaths of children- and I still wouldnt put flowers up I don't think.

I think it's different with celebs. Someone like Amy Winehouse meant a lot to people in life just as much as death.

VivaLeBeaver Sun 14-Dec-14 22:20:57

I wouldn't do it.

Someone was killed 6ft from my front door and I didnt put flowers there. Neither did anyone else. There was enough upset about the whole situation without a visual reminder of it. I'm also of the opinion that you don't know if the family would find it nice or if they might find it upsetting.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 14-Dec-14 22:24:07

No, it's wanky. Those piles of inconvenient compost and illiterate poetry on street corners are a total plague, they look horrid and get in the way.
The place for memorial flowers is either in the home of the bereaved or in the cemetery.

Storytown Sun 14-Dec-14 22:25:17

I think you should only do it if you're going to keep refreshing them indefinitely. There is something really depressing about dead flowers as a memorial.

SolidGoldBrass Sun 14-Dec-14 22:25:34

And if you are the sort of vacant individual who needs to get involved in someone else's grief, there are plenty of internet sites where you can put up a badly photoshopped picture of a candle and a naff quote, instead of littering the streets.

Middleagedmotheroftwo Sun 14-Dec-14 22:30:36

If you do decide to leave flowers, please go and remove them and the cellophane once they've died. It cists councils lots of money which would be better spent elsewhere to remove roadside shrines.
I hate seeing dead flowers and cellophane for weeks after the event.
It would be much better IMO to make a donation of the cost of the flowers to a charity.

I don't really get why a secular society feels the need to create shrines when people are killed in traffic accidents.

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