Advanced search

To think this is a bloody cruel thing to do to a 3 year old?

(306 Posts)
MincePieOfDoom Sun 14-Dec-14 10:55:31

I know it's none of my business but I had to get it out somewhere!

Visited PILs yesterday. SIL and BIL were there. They have a DD who is 3 nearly 4, and another DD who is 3 months old.

We were talking about Christmas, what the kids were getting, as you do. During the course of the conversation BIL said they'd had to go back to the toyshop to return one of their DD1's toys.

Long story short, Dniece1 has been quite difficult since Dniece2 arrived. She has been getting up during the night, wanting to come into her parent's bed, throwing tantrums. To be frank, it's all behaviour that I would consider par for the course when a new sibling arrives.

Anyway, DN1 asked for two things from Father Christmas this year- crayons, and a Snow Glow Elsa. She REALLY wants that Elsa doll- we took her for a day out a week ago, and she was chattering on about it then.

SIL and BIL have decided that her 'awful behaviour' over the last few months has to stop. So they've taken the doll back to the shop, and in its place, on Christmas morning, they are going to leave a letter 'from Father Christmas', telling DN1 that she is not getting the doll, because her behaviour has made FC feel she doesn't deserve it, she has to be a good girl etc etc etc.

I know lots of parents threaten FC at this time of year, but to actually do it! Especially when the child is only 3, and the behaviour is, IMO, quite natural! Surely she needs reassured, not told she is a bad girl??

SIL and BIL aren't too happy with me, because I was so shocked when they told us, I said 'isn't that a bit extreme?' before I made myself shut up.

I don't want to drip feed, but I don't always agree with SIL and BIL's parenting techniques as it is, though obviously I don't say anything as it's none of my business. They are members of a very (imo) right wing evangelical church, and it all seems to be about 'sparing the rod and spoiling the child', submission of women etc, and they are big believers in smacking/harsh punishments for children.

shoofly Sun 14-Dec-14 10:58:14

That's horrible. Poor kid sad

comedycentral Sun 14-Dec-14 10:58:15

I would buy her the doll wink

FunkyBoldRibena Sun 14-Dec-14 10:59:24

Of course she needs reassurance - what a mean spirited thing to do. Actually, it's pretty fucking evil to be honest. That poor kid.

EssexMummy123 Sun 14-Dec-14 10:59:28

"they are big believers in smacking/harsh punishments for children." - how hard, enough to leave a mark?

RollTheBallRollTheBall Sun 14-Dec-14 10:59:32

I wouldn't do it myself and YANBU to think that it is cruel but as you said in your OP it isn't anyone else's business but the parents.

Grumpyoldblonde Sun 14-Dec-14 10:59:41

Very cruel and actually abusive, this child is going to need you. that's all really.

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding Sun 14-Dec-14 11:00:09

Horrible sad

NatJon Sun 14-Dec-14 11:00:59

The poor little mite sad I feel so sad reading this. Yanbu children need time to adjust to a new sibling.

Your sil and bil sound like horrible shits angry

hankyspanky Sun 14-Dec-14 11:01:01

That is bordering on spiteful.

I too, would buy her the doll grin

Marcipex Sun 14-Dec-14 11:01:18

I agree, how horrible .
You buy the doll, if you think they'll let her keep it.

magpieginglebells Sun 14-Dec-14 11:01:20

That sounds horrible. Poor child :-( I'd be tempted to buy one and give it to her after Christmas.

wonderingsoul Sun 14-Dec-14 11:01:41

you buy her the doll!

i wouldnt have been able to keep my mouth shut.

i would have told her its normal for her to act out and she need more reasurance then crushing her.
what horrid parents

ThinkIveBeenHacked Sun 14-Dec-14 11:02:04

That is horrible!

Id buy her the doll too.

MinnieM1 Sun 14-Dec-14 11:02:09

Oh my that is awful that poor little girl sad
I think you should buy her the doll, if for no other reason but to see the parents faces! Do it do it do it grin

insancerre Sun 14-Dec-14 11:02:18

That's emotional abuse

travailtotravel Sun 14-Dec-14 11:02:31

Can you afford the doll at all? You shouldn't have to, but that poor kid.

Icimoi Sun 14-Dec-14 11:02:43

That poor little girl. I'm not sure you're right to say that their parenting is none of your business - certainly when it involves a lot of smacking.

Sn00p4d Sun 14-Dec-14 11:02:53

Oh god that's awful.

Do they actually have the doll in their possession?

Just I know those things are like gold dust and selling for hundreds on eBay. Is it possible they couldn't get the doll and are doing this to shift blame for the lack of doll on Xmas morning onto dn and her behaviour to relieve their guilt? Which is also totally unacceptable if it is the case, just a thought!

FaintlyMacabre Sun 14-Dec-14 11:03:14

That's really horrible and cruel, the poor girl. What do your DH and PIL think about this?

Doobigetta Sun 14-Dec-14 11:03:19

Buy it and give it to her on her birthday so it doesn't look as though you're undermining them.

ChristmasDawndonnaagain Sun 14-Dec-14 11:04:07

Many years ago ds1 went to school for a short while with a family like this. It was for a short while because upon being reported to social services for the beatings of the child (they used a wooden spoon ffs), the church concerned started their own school.
This is your niece, are you're not happy for her regarding a Christmas Present then you can't be happy with her being 'smacked'. I don't understand why people don't report when it's family members. I would, but then again, I used to pray somebody would report my Mother, and when she was reported, I'd pray somebody believed her. Nobody did.
What I'm saying, in a stupidly convuluted manner is please keep an eye on DN and make sure she's not being beaten, and yes, buy the bloody doll yourself for her to play with at yours.

ocelot41 Sun 14-Dec-14 11:04:28

Whaaat? That's so mean...

Greencurtain Sun 14-Dec-14 11:05:02


And that doll is the one that's in the paper as completely unavailable isn't it? So nobody else can get it for her and it can't be rebought by the parents. Poor little girl - not really just over the doll but for the way they must treat her generally. Much too harsh for a 3yo with a new sibling. Wouldn't even do it to my 8yo or 6yo even without the new sibling.

WingsofNylon Sun 14-Dec-14 11:05:03

I would be so tempted to buy her the doll myself!
Poor thing, can you help by ignoring the whole present thing and passing on behaviour advice to the parents?
In a little light hearted 'I was thinking about her recent behaviour and recalled when a friend had the same issues they found that X really helped'

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: