To write total filth in my DHs card?

[grottielottie]

MIL always reads all of our Christmas card and often comments on them.

Normally I write about our year and hopes for next year. This year has been a bit of a roller coaster for me and I would like to write and thank him for his support but I also don't want her commenting on it.

Would IBU to write something so rude that will totally stop this in the future and if so can I have some suggestions?

[Rinkydinkypink]

Yes yes do it! My MIL is very nosey and I'm very tempted

[madsadbad]

Just do the first paragraph and then she should stop reading and you can right the rest as you wish

[Rinkydinkypink]

Oh suggestions

How about something along the lines of the thought of your head between my legs till I come again and again makes me want to strip you naked and suck you dry?

[SamiBE]

Haha do it!

[CatsClaus]

ahhhh let's hope we can recreate that time on your mother's kitchen table....

[TrousersSchmowsers]

I would have a field day with this.

"DH, thank you so much for bringing Roger into our lives, I know he has made us both VERY happy and I can't wait for the last Saturday of each month!"

And then book a hotel and ask MIL to babysit on the 27th

[TrousersSchmowsers]

Rinky thanks for the noseful of tea

[ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets]

Rinky

[StockingFullOfCoal]

Rinky you read my mind! OP write that!

[grottielottie]

Rinky you seem quite practiced in this, I'm blushing just reading your suggestion.

[NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding]

I'm not marking my place or anything.

[NameChange30]

How about you get him two cards, one that you will display and MIL will read, and another one for DH to keep in your bedroom or in a drawer or something, so you can write what you want in it?

[Guiltypleasures001]

To my shame I automatically thought Roger might be a horse
And to paraphrase an old thread about a snooping mil ide put in about your planned move to Aus in the new year.

Slopes off to book herself some therapy.....

[HollyJollyDillydolly]

My mil is the same. She read my valentines card to dh and it was a rudey type one.
The Roger suggestion sounds good.

[Bogeyface]

I would write it as normal but pop a paragraph in there about how it is a shame that you have been having to look into care homes but that you are sure "she" will cope fine with the transition.

If MIL asks who "she" is, look flustered and stammer and say "oh....er...thats about something else! More tea?!" That'll get the old bat rattled :o

[LadyLuck10]

I love trousers suggestion

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Do it.

trousers has the best suggestion

[ocelot41]

Mwah hah hah ... I like your style Grottie!

[magpieginglebells]

Do it! (And anotheremma I think you've slightly missed the point!)

[NameChange30]

Magpie, maybe I have, but OP could still write "filth" in the card meant for MIL. And I get the impression that OP just wants to be able to write whatever she likes to her DH without nosy MIL reading it. So my suggestion was a way of doing that as well as making a point to MIL.

[ghostsinsnow]

Mine is like that, with all the family cards. She'd stroll in our home and pick up cards be they Christmas, birthday or valentine.
I went NC with her earlier this year but DH still visits her (though not as often) with teenage DD. She actually held on to all DD's birthday cards from that side of the family, despite seeing DD a few days before, until she went down after her birthday. I suspect the reason behind this was so that she could read all DD's cards but it meant poor DD only had a couple of cards on the day of her actual birthday.

Roger is just bloody genius.

[tiggy2610]

MIL is a card reader and it drives me mad. Doesn't matter how private they are or for what occasion. Friend of mine sent a lovely card after we went through a MC, MIL read the whole thing and criticised the spelling and grammar throughout.

This year DH got an anniversary card that simply said "I LOVE YOUR MASSIVE COCK" on the front of it (God bless etsy!) and it took pride of place on the mantelpiece. MILs face was priceless.

For his birthday this year I'm thinking of this

www.etsy.com/listing/108433435/she-wants-to-cram-you-back-in-mamas-boy

[grottielottie]

I'm a little disappointed no one has come up with a poem yet!

[TrousersRoastingOnAnOpenFire]

I did think of naming him Brian and suggesting the hotel should be in Hull

(Christmas name change)

Then book a handyman called Roger so you can leave notes out all year... "DH if you're home before me Roger is coming round at 2pm with the stronger pump" etc

[cardamomginger]

Do it! My father helps himself to all cards and reads them all (has even been known to ask where, e.g. DH's birthday card to me is if he can't find it easily). I now no longer put card out on display. It's part of a wider picture with him where he thinks nothing of snooping and invading others' privacy, but is pathological about preserving his own anonymity. Drives me fucking nuts but there is no way he is changing his ways now.