Am I being entitled?(51 Posts)
I had paid for my old works xmas do, was due to go tonight. Am still on good terms with everyone even though I left 4 months ago.
I text a few yesterday asking how they were getting there, did they want to share a cab, sometimes the office organises a mini cab etc. Was told 'not sure' and my other friend was getting a lift with someone who lives close to her so she was out of the equation.
So I asked my friend who said 'not sure' again today if she knew what she was doing and she said sorry, she was driving but she had given all the spaces in her car to people. These are people that all drive/have partners who drive, so all had other options. I am disabled so if there were no lifts and no cab spaces, my only option is the bus. Or £20 for a cab on my own.
So I set out on the journey an hour before the start time and the bus took an age! It made me miss for the second bus, so I waited 20 mins for the next one to arrive and by then there was still a tube journey and a long walk ahead of me. I'd have been 30 mins late and it was so cold I eventually thought Sod this, Im going back home because I could just not face another hours journey on the way home later that night.
So as not to drip feed I will mention another incident a few weeks ago that was a bit similar, ie them not thinking. I asked them to save me some tickets for my son and DN's to an event they were hosting for the kids. I was told people had to ask the office to hold tickets so I did. When I got there, having travelled for 45 mins on the bus, I was told No, tickets had to be held in advance and because i didnt call the office, so no one had saved me any so there were none for the kids. I'd only emailed, text, and whatsapped....
So basically, AIBU to think that just ONE of them could have thought "Hows Babe getting there tonight, maybe one of us could save her a space or share a cab with her, as we all know she has no other transport and as she has been asking how we are all getting there so maybe we could consider her too?"
I think YABU really if you only texted them yesterday.
The seats in the car were all promised to other people, so it would have been very rude to suddenly say she was excluding someone in favour of you.
It would have been nice if they had thought that, but to be fair you should have thought about it ages ago and got in there with a lift first.
But when I text yesterday she said she might be getting a cab.
To be honest, it's not their responsibility to make sure you get to the Xmas Do though, is it? It's not like you don't know in advance!
Yes but her 'not sure', could have meant she was asking one of the others if they could give up a seat in her car?
When you text, they didn't mention driving. So I think YANBU on that count. But they sound kind of thoughtless anyway. I wouldn't have gone myself if it was that far on transport.
You don't work there any longer. You can't expect to still be treated as a member of the staff, be involved with everything, and still be given the same privileges. I think it's a bit odd that you are so determined to keep involved in all of the office social events. By all means, arrange to see some colleagues that you are friends with, but it shouldn't be at events arranged for staff.
Sorry but I do think YABU
I understand how hard it can be as I'm also disabled and getting anywhere is really hard for me, but it really isn't up to anyone else to sort out transport. Most people will just be concentrating on their own plans which is totally normal
So in one night it went from not sure if she was getting a cab to a whole car being full?
If it were me I and I had a friend coming along who didn't work there any more, I would try and make sure they were involved so they didn't feel left out. I know others don't feel the same.
I think you left the company four months ago, perhaps it's time to move on. Work colleagues who you spend every day with at work are not friends, even though it feels like it at the time.
I paid for the night before I left the job. And sometimes there is a group mini bus organised or something. I would have just liked to have been considered when they were thinking of who was going with who, that's all. Esp as yes, I had been in contact with them all about it, one minute it was not sure about a cab, and the next morning all the spaces had gone. And I had lots of people asking if I was still coming, it would be great to see me etc. Oh well, I guess I am BU.
With my work colleagues we all discuss who will be taking who so that no one gets left behind having no way to get there. I think YANBU but perhaps U to think that they were reliable, given the ticket scenario.
I can understand that you feel upset and have just had a very frustrating journey. However, just because your ex work colleagues either drive or have partners who drive doesn't give you dibs on a lift. It's not their job to make sure that you get to the party - especially if they are all just colleagues rather than friends.
Re the tickets, I also think you were a bit U - you say:
I was told people had to ask the office to hold tickets so I did. When I got there, having travelled for 45 mins on the bus, I was told No, tickets had to be held in advance and because i didnt call the office, so no one had saved me any so there were none for the kids. I'd only emailed, text, and whatsapped
Had you emailed/text/whatsapped the office or had you asked other people to sort it out for you? If the former, had you received any confirmation from the office that you would have tickets, or had you just assumed that everything would be fine?
The hard truth is you are an ex-colleague and out of sight equals out of mind. That said I'm really sorry you've had an awful evening.
What a shame you didn't make it to the do when you had already paid for it
Perhaps your old work colleagues aren't really worth bothering with?
I think it's a bit odd to go to a Christmas party when you left in August (?). They're not friend just ex colleagues. What about your new job? Are there nice people there?
YANBU with the tickets to the event if you contacted the box office
YABU with transport tonight. You should have contacted all the drivers well in advance to secure a place. You acted as a last minute and last person add on when arrangements between a group were semi underway and close to being finalised. It would have been sensible to get a taxi. Do you usually give petrol money to your friends if they drive?
With the tickets; there are three people responsible for taking names for ticket bookings. I emailed/whatsapped/text 2 of them asking to put my name down. On the way I text saying I was going to be there soon. No mention of having no tickets. When I got to the door I was told I had no tickets.
A simple case of 'out of sight, out of mind' perhaps? The held tickets thing is also annoying, but if you don't work there any more you should have followed the proper route.
I always find it a bit odd when people go back to to the staff Christmas party of somewhere that they are no longer staff. I used to work somewhere where only certain ex employees were invited back. It was always strained (since actually the only thing you had in common was that you once worked together) and creating some bad feeling from those who weren't invited.
That said, it sounds like you need better friends than these ex-colleagues. Have you started a new job? Friends outside of work you can go out with?
Of course I give petrol money...
It may have been sensible to get a 7 seater and split the cost but really, a £20 cab fare for one person is not sensible so that is why I asked if anyone was going that way and would like to split.
I wonder if they are trying to subtly hint that you aren't one of them anymore. Out of sight out of mind is often the way when you leave a job like a pp said.
It sounds like you were asking the right questions and they were purposely being vague to avoid driving you. Sorry.
£20 is about the norm for a cab if I go out. But, Yanbu to feel fed up for feeling left out.
there are three people responsible for taking names for ticket bookings. I emailed/whatsapped/text 2 of them asking to put my name down. On the way I text saying I was going to be there soon
OK, so that's slightly different from before when you said:
I was told people had to ask the office to hold tickets so I did
which implies that you asked (via text/email/whatsapp) the box office to hold some tickets. When in fact you contacted 2 colleagues and asked them to do that for you.
When you sent the text, did they respond by saying 'right-o. I'll put you down for three tickets then' or did they not respond? If they confirmed to you that they WOULD save you the tickets then YANBU. If you didn't hear anything back, YWBU to assume they would sort it out for you.
Must admit I think it feels like your old work colleagues maybe aren't as interested in having you around as you are in seeing them. Why did you leave? It feels a bit odd to do work functions with them rather than just start seeing them socially independently.
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