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To cancel panto plans?

(36 Posts)
groovejet Sat 13-Dec-14 20:47:44

DH thinks that I am being slightly unreasonable Bil thinks I am definitely am.

A few weeks ago Bil called up to say he had been given free tickets to the panto in Birmingham and could get some extra tickets for me, Dh and our 2 dd's we said that thanks that would be lovely, at no point was the time of the panto mentioned

DH spoke to Bil about some other stuff and bil mentioned the panto was an evening show but he wasn't sure of the time.

I checked out the times myself and it is a late showing of the panto and as it is over 2 hours we would not be able to get home until 11.30 at night, we would be travelling by train and the return train is at 10.30.

I told DH that this is too late for our children and that we will cancel, he got a bit huffy and said it would be rude to cancel after saying yes. I said though that if Bil had given us the information earlier we would never have accepted.

So DH called his brother today, who did not take it well at all,thinks we are being too strict on our kids etc etc.

I do feel bad for cancelling but think Bil should have given us details earlier and I think he should understand why I don't fancy having 2 kids out in Birmingham at that time and that they are going to be fairly grumpy staying up that late anyway. The kids are 10 & 7 so I know they are not really young but they are not night owls at all.

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually Sat 13-Dec-14 20:52:21

I'd take my DC as long as it wasn't a school night. They're 10 and 7, it would probably be an exciting treat for them to be out late. Mine are definitely not night owls though!

I thought you were going to say they were under 5 hmm

You're over reacting. Let them go.

LIZS Sat 13-Dec-14 20:55:09

I think most kids of that age would cope as a one-off.

StilleNachtCarolling Sat 13-Dec-14 20:56:23

I'd take my almost 7 year old - she'd happily stay up that late if we let her (which we don't, apart from once - last NYE). My 5.5 year old though would be in pieces if she didn't get to bed well before 8pm. The next day would be even worse. It would be a horrible time for all of us during that time so I'd have to leave her behind.

If your two are the same sort as my youngest daughter then I can totally understand you wanting to cancel. As you'd said, if you'd known the times beforehand then you would have said no from the start.

asmallandnoisymonkey Sat 13-Dec-14 20:57:47

Bloody hell, it's a one-off. Relax. YABU totally.

IsabeauMichelle Sat 13-Dec-14 20:59:06

Totally BU. It's Christmas. One late night isn't going to hurt them hmm These are the things memories are made of.

watchingthedetectives Sat 13-Dec-14 21:00:02

YABU Definitely take them - it is a massive treat being out so late as long as it's not a school night!

Storytown Sat 13-Dec-14 21:00:05

As a one off over the Christmas period of course you should go.

I'd be most put out of I asked someone if they wanted tickets, went to the trouble of getting them and then they decided they didn't like the time. You knew when you agreed to go that you'd have to travel home.

You say BIL should have told you the time, but why would you accept an invitation without checking the time?

groovejet Sat 13-Dec-14 21:01:08

Oh no,first time posting here and I am going to have to accept that I am being unreasonable, hey ho smile

If we lived closer by it would be fine, it is the getting back to the train station and the journey home that really put me off. My 2 started flagging at about 10pm on holiday so did think this would be past their limit,they are the total opposite to me and are early risers but early sleepers, pita as I like my lie ins smile

Redglitter Sat 13-Dec-14 21:02:50

Let them go. They might not be night owls but the sheer excitement of the panto and being up and out so late will keep them going. Assuming it's not a school night its not really excessively late as a one off

Summerisle1 Sat 13-Dec-14 21:03:01

At 10 and 7 I'm sure they could manage one late night. Especially for a special trip out to the panto. So I'm afraid I'm with your BIL on this one and would be equally pissed off that you'd cancelled the trip. It's a one-off. If they get tired they can always sleep on the train home.

sillymillyb Sat 13-Dec-14 21:05:49

Can you call back, apologise for over reacting, grovel a bit and then bring a bottle of wine with you as a thank you when you do go?

Your kids will be fine! It's a special occasion and they are def old enough!

YesIDidMeanToBeSoRudeActually Sat 13-Dec-14 21:05:53

And you might get a lie in the following morning smile

groovejet Sat 13-Dec-14 21:06:11

Seriously though he didn't go to any trouble he was given them through his job but yes I do totally accept that when it was first mentioned DH should have asked or I should have thought to get DH to ask.

redskybynight Sat 13-Dec-14 21:06:16

Can't see the problem with one late night either at that age either - the DC can doze on train.

if you had a problem with it, you should have refused straight away - surely it would be fairly obvious that an evening performance would finish at that sort of time, so agree with DH you can't cancel now without appearing very rude.

youbethemummylion Sat 13-Dec-14 21:06:31

I would go, they will be so excited they wont really notice the time (especially if you feed them sweets). Also yes your BIL should have told you the time but more importantly you should have asked.

HamPortCourt Sat 13-Dec-14 21:07:06

YABU, not only because your DC will probably cope fine with one late night, but also, because you didn't ask what time the show was.

Storytown Sat 13-Dec-14 21:11:20

Having been the recipient of free tickets through work myself I think you're being very dismissive of the trouble BIL has gone to. He's had to ask for more than his "share" and it will be considered very poor form to have taken the tickets and then leave them unused.

groovejet Sat 13-Dec-14 21:12:46

I will try to grovel tomorrow morning, and maybe it was a knee jerk reaction on my part. DH family are usually very withdrawn from our children despite mine and DH's best efforts, so perhaps I should have thought this was Bil way to build a better bond.

Always harsh to have a first post on here to be told that Iabu but hey at least I am listening and not telling you allto feck off because you disagree with me wink

sillymillyb Sat 13-Dec-14 21:15:01

Groove you have taken it on the chin, and I'm glad that Aibu has actually helped - it really will be ok and a fun evening out. I hope you all go and have fun smile

groovejet Sat 13-Dec-14 21:16:38

Although I am allowed to blame DH just a little bit on the time thing, he was the one who had all the phone conversations, I only found out about it being evening on Friday.

Will back down on it and if the kids are cranky on the way home will try to resist saying I told you sosmile

sillymillyb Sat 13-Dec-14 21:18:40

Oh yeah, if it goes tits up you are totally allowed a sneaky I told you so grin

Ps I'm single. Please don't take relationship advice from me....

Ilovehamabeads Sat 13-Dec-14 21:22:18

My similar aged DCs go to the panto every year with GPs who then let them stay up afterwards til sillyoclock. Thy are total cranky brats for the whole of the next day but we just grin and bear it as they have such a lovely time and its only once a year. Yes if your DCs aren't used to the occasional late night they will probably be really grumpy next day but just tune out and suck it up, I'm sure the fun you had will be worth it smile

IsabeauMichelle Sat 13-Dec-14 21:22:43

Nice one for seeing another side to this. I used to be a bit similar, I have to physically force myself not to keep shouting 'BUT THEIR ROUTIIIIIIIINE!' And mine are 17 and 9 wink

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