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DP talking to me like shit in front of my son.

(31 Posts)
TachyAtChristmas Sat 13-Dec-14 19:09:29

Two examples in the space of an hour.

1. I said to DS "dp can't fix your bike because ..."

Dp then jumped in with "no, it's not. 'Dp can't fix the bike' it's 'dp went to buy a wheel and the shop was shut, THATS what happened" confused I actually said it in a way that implied I was totally supporting DP and I was about to explain about the shop before he snapped and cut me off.

2. Ds was making a joke about me singing fairytale of New York after a few drinks later tonight. I laughed along and said "nah not going to happen! Dp is on an alcohol ban tonight and I'm joining him!".

Dp then snapped "no. Actually dp is not on an alcohol ban, dp is choosing not to drink, THATS what dp is doing. I was blatantly joking and just messing around :-( I then said "ok, dp is not drinking tonight so neither am I". He then snaps " let's just allow dp to get on with what dp what's to do eh?".

Every little thing. Poor ds just walked out in the end. I'm sick of this, he's doing it all the time lately, constantly snapping and getting at me. No need.

Bulbasaur Sat 13-Dec-14 19:12:14

You might want to get this moved to relationships.

But I think you'll find the general consensus is that he's a dick.

WilburIsSomePig Sat 13-Dec-14 19:13:20

Have you asked him why he's doing it?

I'd be telling him to piss off frankly. sad

3littlefrogs Sat 13-Dec-14 19:13:38

Why are you with him?
He doesn't sound like a nice person or partner.

CaptainAnkles Sat 13-Dec-14 19:14:42

He sounds like a shirty prickly dickhead.
Any redeeming features at all?

divingoffthebalcony Sat 13-Dec-14 19:18:29

DP sounds like a miserable, nit picking arsehole.

Legodino Sat 13-Dec-14 19:21:12

Can you walk away from him when he snaps or point out you both need to be polite to each other and set an example to DC

Legodino Sat 13-Dec-14 19:22:43

'Please don't talk rudely to me'

LindyHemming Sat 13-Dec-14 19:32:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HappyAgainOneDay Sat 13-Dec-14 19:36:38

How old is your DC?

DoJo Sat 13-Dec-14 19:37:54

It depends entirely on the context - do you think he feels as though you are generally negative about his abilities? Have you been making a big deal out of how hard he is going to find it to have a night off the booze, or could he feel as though you are acting as though you have had a say in his decision when it was something that he was proud of doing for his own reasons?

From your OP, he sounds like he has little impulse control, is rude and obnoxious, but I can also imagine myself saying something like that if I felt that I was constantly undermined in front of someone else, or that the other person was prone to giving me an unfair bashing 'in jest'.

FWIW, I have also been the one who has made just one joke too many about a subject and pushed someone into a serious response and it is important to recognise if you have that tendency and be sensitive to how long that kind of joke is actually funny for.

ScrambledeggLDCcakeBOAK Sat 13-Dec-14 19:38:06

Cut the fucking attitude dp esp in front of ds or you'll get a few home truths of your own thrown back you, you touchy <swear word>

madwomanbackintheattic Sat 13-Dec-14 19:48:13

It sounds as though as he's pissed off about you nagging him to do stuff, tbh (fix the bike, bitch at him because he left it too late and the shop was shut, not drink too much, etc etc etc and that he constantly feels you don't think he is doing enough/ is good enough.) it gets wearing.

It sounds as though he is trying to deflect negative comments about him that you are making to ds (ie sorry darling, you know dp is such a loser, he can't fix your bike or be trusted to drink)

It sounds as though the pair of you need to examine your current feelings (ie is there any reason why dp would be feeling like you think he's a loser?) and learn to communicate with each other. All this veiled accusatory bullshit and sniping on both of your behalfs isn't doing anyone any good. Popping on here for a bit of validation is a waste of time. Sit down with him and ask if everything is okay and reassure him you don't think he's a loser that doesn't fix bikes or drink too much?

AcrossthePond55 Sat 13-Dec-14 20:03:54

Is it possible that he feels that you are 'placing blame' on him rather than just stating facts? "WE've decided to not drink" rather than "DP's on an alcohol ban and I'm joining him" or "The bike can't be fixed..." rather than "DP can't fix the bike..."? My own DP can be sensitive if he perceives that someone is 'blaming' him for something beyond his control (like not fixing the bike because the shop is closed) or that he's the reason someone 'isn't' doing something they'd like to do. I think it's kind of silly, but it's rooted in his childhood. However, he's never rude in front of people about it and wouldn't snap at me in front of the children.

I think you need to talk to him. There may be a reason it bothers him, or he just may be a jerk. You'll never know unless you ask.

Destinycalls Sat 13-Dec-14 20:12:09

It does sound as though he is massively defensive and perhaps feel as though you are constantly nitpicking and nagging? Whether you are or not I don't know, but it is a way of looking at this. Maybe just ask him why he is so defensive, but be prepared for him to make these kind of accusations.

Be open minded. Don't be defensive yourself and listen to his side of why he behaves like this. Of course this can be par for the course for him and he is just being an arse.

LadyLuck10 Sat 13-Dec-14 20:13:42

Sounds like you both were winding each other up.

TachyAtChristmas Sat 13-Dec-14 20:21:15

The thing is I've asked him over and over again not to fix the bike. Reason being that he offers to do these things and then complains at me about it so I've said over and over again "let ds sort it by himself".

Anyway, I've just said to him I upset at the way he spoke to me and he went mental ... Ending with sticking his middle finger in my face and telling me to fuck myself.

Nice bloke, honest.

SuperFlyHigh Sat 13-Dec-14 20:23:22

Here's a LTB from me then!

bubalou Sat 13-Dec-14 20:25:39

I don't like to be one of these women but ... Leave the bastard!!!

He sounds awful and you deserve better.

I would start the conversation like this - listen here you twat headed fucktard, stop speaking to me like shit right now or I'm off and you can spend the rest of your sad miserable life trying to find someone else to put up with your shit!

SuperFlyHigh Sat 13-Dec-14 20:31:08

bubalou so he'll change then?! They're already bickering like kids hardly a healthy relationship in my book and her DS is so pissed off he's left the room -- sounds like the most mature person here--

wanttosqueezeyou Sat 13-Dec-14 20:35:50

he went mental ... Ending with sticking his middle finger in my face and telling me to fuck myself

this

I mean, what would you say to anyone who told you their partner did this?

Viviennemary Sat 13-Dec-14 20:40:49

It's difficult to judge your whole relationship by this nitpicky little argument. But it did evolve into agressive behaviour by him which is not acceptable. I'd either leave or be agressive back. No point in being logical with this type of behaviour.

aermingers Sat 13-Dec-14 20:41:41

This is one of those posts where nobody could honestly give you an accurate answer because we only have your side of the story. It's perfectly possible that your side of the story leaves nothing out and he's being a dick.

But I suspect if we had his side of the story there would probably be a bit more to it.

Personally I have a female friend whose partner constantly makes jokey comments about how useless she is, how rubbish she is around the house, how dizzy she is and how much money she spends. Like you he would always defend his comments as a joke. But it's not very pleasant, 'jokey' comments constantly made at someone else's expense are not nice and are often just excusing having a dig by masking it with humour.

I also think it's telling that you're sensitive to how he speaks to you but you don't seem to extend the courtesy you expect for yourself to him by thinking about how what you say makes him feel.

Personally I would suggest you sit him down and ask him why he was upset. You may well find out that he thinks you speak to him like shit in front of your son.

Yes you are going to get the usual suspects who will just tell you that he's a dick because he's a man. But if you are speaking to him in a way which upsets him and you dismiss this while demanding that he not speak to you in ways you don't like you may well find you end up with not much of a relationship left.

MinceSpy Sat 13-Dec-14 20:42:55

The way you worded your statements could be construed as being negative especially if you hit a nerve. He's a knob and it does sound as though there are deeper problems. Hope you are okay.

bubalou Sat 13-Dec-14 21:02:36

No I doubt he will Superfly - although I would like to hope so for ops sake.

It just sounds like she is a little down trodden after being spoke to like shit and I know it's always easier to say - leave him.

Like people have said as well there are two sides to every story.

However the fingers in the face and fuck off sounds extremely nasty! shock

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