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AIBU?

To be tired of inviting family round who never invite us back...

17 replies

Littlesnowflake · 13/12/2014 15:40

DH has a DBrother and 2 DSisters. They are all in their 30's. 1 is married, 1 lives with long term partner and 1 just moved in with partner. Me and DH have 3 DC under 5. They don't have kids.
The situstion is that we often end up inviting them over for a New Year's Eve dinner, cooked by me, or a family get together And dinner cooked by me, or over for dinner cooked by me when it's one of the DC birthdays etc etc. DHs parents also have all of the family over fairly regularly for a meal. However, we have never been invited to any of DHs siblings houses, even for a drink, never mind a meal. We've only been round to see the houses when they moved in. We are all fairly local to each other but not close enough to drop round. Often the siblings go out together for a night out and we see pics on Facebook, but we are never invited.
We get on well with them genuinely so I don't think there is a personality issue at all, I'm starting to think its because we have kids and they just don't think about us socially, but it's starting to upset me a bit. Not so much because we're not invited to be honest, but just because we seem to be expected to have family dinners etc at ours, and all at our cost, they never bring any food with them. Likewise they never bring any food when MIL and FIL cooks for them at their house. DH has suggested we invite them all over for new year and cook a meal. Last time we did this, they came over for dinner, then left before midnight to go out drinking, and didn't invite us. I understand that it's difficult with kids, but we coud have got a babysitter potentially, or just one of could have gone. Honestly, am I being a bit silly, or is it understandable that I don't want to spend upwards of £50 on a nice dinner plus alcohol etc for them this new year? I feel taken advantage of, like we are treated like their parents.

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ajandjjmum · 13/12/2014 15:44

For them to come to yours for a meal, and then disappear to see in the new year elsewhere seems unbelievably rude to me. To the extent that I would think they had been led to understand that was what was expected?

How were they invited? 'Come and see in the new year with us', or 'It's difficult with the DC, but why not come and eat with us on NYE'.

Could your DH suggest you all go to one of the siblings this year, and say that you can get a babysitter arranged?

Mintyy · 13/12/2014 15:44

Are you sure that they actually want to have all these family get togethers?

I am happy to see my 4 siblings once or twice a year and I almost never see them all together.

Dh would be happy to spend time with his brother even less frequently than that .

I know his Mum feels sad about it, but it is dh's life, not hers.

Littlesnowflake · 13/12/2014 15:48

Good points. I'm only really talking about 3 times a year at our house, probably more like once a month at the in laws. I really don't think they are unhappy with the amount of get togethers, Were all fairly local and each set of partners is often round the in laws.
Re the new year thing, I can't remember what was said to be honest, but what I was most upset about is that they all tootled off out to a bar somewhere without asking us, or at least one of us. They just seem very thoughtless and just treat us as an extension of their parents. Like because we've got kids, we are the hosts, or the boring people who can't go out etc etc.

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Littlesnowflake · 13/12/2014 15:50

All 4 siblings are very close, and always have been. They just seem to treat DH differently now he's got children

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Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2014 15:50

I would stop inviting, if their parents want to have them round fine, but stop now.

SerenadeOfTheSchoolRun · 13/12/2014 15:51

There is no way I would invite them back for New Year after your last experience. See them at DH's parents house and don't invite them over to yours until you have been to one of their houses. Meet some nice people through your children (or however else or catch up with some old friends) and have them round for New Year instead.

Littlesnowflake · 13/12/2014 15:52

Honestly, I would love to not invite them this time but DH is quite defensive about them and thinks I am being silly. But I feel defensive about him, I feel like they take advantage of him. His family not mine though. Maybe I have to leave it to him to decide?

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DuckandCat · 13/12/2014 15:53

They came to your's, stuffed their faces and then fucked off to have more fun else where?! And didn't even invite you to join them

I am I honestly can't believe anyone would be that rude. Hell would freeze over before I let that be repeated.

Mintyy · 13/12/2014 15:54

Well, he is welcome to invite them all round and he can do all the work for it. All the shopping, all the cooking, all the hosting that you normally do.

Aeroflotgirl · 13/12/2014 15:55

I would have an honest and frank discussion to him, point blank refuse to cater for them, he can take them out if he wants to. You shoulden't be disrespected.

CleanLinesSharpEdges · 13/12/2014 15:57

Leave it to your DH in future to decide, invite, menu plan, food shop, cook and host. You just sit back, be perfectly pleasant, but let your DH get on with all of the planning and effort. Perhaps then you won't feel so (understandably imo) resentful about the situation.

Bunbaker · 13/12/2014 15:59

"I would love to not invite them this time but DH is quite defensive about them and thinks I am being silly"

Options:
a) Don't invite them
b) Invite them later, after the time they and you would normally eat, and just put some nibbles out
c) Invite them and your husband can do the catering
d) Invite them and tell them it is a bring and share supper and ask them all to contribute something

Chippednailvarnish · 13/12/2014 16:03

The problem is your DH. If you're not happy cooking for them don't, but if he wants his family to visit then that's his choice. If they go out without you and if this bothers him, it's for him to bring it up, not you.

Littlesnowflake · 13/12/2014 16:03

Thanks all. Some good options there. Just glad you think I'm NBU really, I was starting to question myself

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HappenstanceMarmite · 13/12/2014 16:26

Are they precious very houseproud so not keen on having kids in their houses? Just a thought...

Sprink · 13/12/2014 17:11

Go No Contact, they're horrible excuses for human beings!!!

^that was my little MN joke

Seriously, I don't think you're unreasonable to wonder why this happens, but you or your husband could just ask. You all get along well, he's find of them...there might be a simple ( if silly) explanation.

Invite them and either make it a pot luck meal and/or explicitly state you want to ring in the New Year with them whether they stay at yours or you all go out together.

If your husband his brothers and sisters he and you enjoy being with, then be with them!

Your feelings are understandable but life's too short to escalate these feelings to an undesirable situation, such as your husband not seeing his siblings.

Oh, and do insist he helps more, whether that be with preparation or communication.

Have a Happy New Year.

Sprink · 13/12/2014 17:13

^Sorry for the parts that don't make sense. I'm on a phone, outside, and my fingers are freezing.

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