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AIBU?

am i just being a brat?

51 replies

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:09

Me and dp have spent no time together this week. Mon-Thurs he worked 9-3 then he came home and he sat on the ps4 until he went to bed. Then yesterday he had 4 job interviews 130miles away (as we will be relocating at the start of Feb) so we had to go in the car to stoke on Trent, leaving at 8am and not returning until 6pm. I was exhausted so tucked up in bed by 9. We woke up at around 7 this morning and I asked him if he would like to do something today. Maybe go for a walk or do some food shopping or even go for a cheap breakfast somewhere. He said no and he just wanted to spend the day with me. By 9:30 he was on his ps4 again. I just sat and started wrapping my Xmas presents. He then gets a text from bil asking him to go to the cinema to watch the new hobbit film. Dp said he would go and offered me to come with. I don't like bil and I don't like the hobbit so I said no, so I guess its sort of my fault now that I'm alone at home on my Todd again... :( aibu to expect him to maybe watch a film with me? Or just have cuddles on the sofa? I know I may seem like a whinge but I place alot of value on quality time with those I love (doesn't everyone!?) and it seems these days I'm just shoved in a box and forgotten about.

OP posts:

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Purplepoodle · 13/12/2014 13:15

Did you tell him when he went in the ps4 that you wanted him to do somthing different?

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:24

I asked if he was going to come off and actually spend time with me. He ignored me (I know he heard me) then his phone went off :(

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NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/12/2014 13:31

Sounds overly needy to me and not sending clear messages YABU

fishandlilacs · 13/12/2014 13:33

games console widow. Its not fair on you. You do need to tell him though or grab a controller and join in

Wonc · 13/12/2014 13:35

Yanbu at all. It was very rude of him.

SaucyJack · 13/12/2014 13:35

You catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar dude.

I can only speak for meself, but being whinged at has never made me want to spend quality time with someone.

JamaicanMeEatMincePies · 13/12/2014 13:36

Yanb(totally)u, but a bit.

My dh would happily play the ps4 for hours and wouldn't even realise how long it's been, but if I tell him to switch off he does.

Yes, you did tell him today that you wanted to do something else, but why didn't you for the rest of the week?

Can you not call a friend for a coffee or something?

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:37

I didn't whinge at him...??? O.o I asked once if he was going to come off the ps4, 2.5hrs after he'd started on it, is that really whinging!?

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wobblyweebles · 13/12/2014 13:38

It's time the PS4 had an accident.

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:39

I didn't say anything as I thought he'd like a bit of piece after work Mon-Thurs which is fair enough so I left him to it. Yesterday as stated we were ram packed so couldn't do anything so today I hoped he would spend a few hours with me as opposed with his new game.

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pictish · 13/12/2014 13:39

Hmm...my dh spends a lot of his spare time playing WoW, but he still chats away to me and we get on great. I don't look for him to specifically focus on me on demand though. I don't seem to need that, as we live together and talk all the time anyway.
I dunno if yabu or not.

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:40

Lmao. I think he'd notice if he came home to find his beloved ps4 underneath our Vauxhall Astra lmao.

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Purplepixiedust · 13/12/2014 13:41

I would be pissed off if he spent from 3ish until bedtime on the PS4 mon to thurs! Does he turn it off while you eat? Does he help cook/clear up?

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:43

I cook (happy with that) but he rarely clears up, only if I'm literally hounding him.to.do the dishes which tbh is more work than actually doing them!
He also eats while playing then just leaves the plate on the floor. So no he doesn't come off to eat either.

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ScrumpyBetty · 13/12/2014 13:44

I don't think you are BU to want to spend some time with dp after not seeing him all week. My DH and I are a bit like this, as my DH always goes off when he has free time to do 'jobs' around the house and garden and I get fed up of not seeing him, but I find often that I haven't communicated to him how I am feeling and he simply just doesn't realise. So maybe it's time to sit and have a chat with dp and tell him how you feel.

pictish · 13/12/2014 13:45

My dh pitches in and pulls his weight, and is always approachable and open to discussion and conversation even when he is gaming, so his gaming addiction doesn't fuss me in the slightest.
Maybe that's the difference. I don't know...just a thought.

pictish · 13/12/2014 13:46

He doesn't come off to eat?
Hmm...he does sound an ignorant git actually.

Bakeoffcakes · 13/12/2014 13:48

I don't think your being UR

You asked him this morning to do something with you- walk, breakfast, food shopping. He said no as he wanted to spend the day with you. He then ignored you and then took up an invite to go out with his brother.

I would not be happy with him.

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:48

I guess I should talk to him, I just don't want to feel like a nag really! I'm not one to stop him doing what he wants to do. He's an adult. However sometimes I think he spends a bit too much time on the ps4.

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Bakeoffcakes · 13/12/2014 13:49

Gosh x posted there. He's bloody rude!

Do you get anything out of this relationship?

OnlyLovers · 13/12/2014 13:49

I think YANBU and people saying you're not giving him clear messages or are needy or whinging are talking rubbish.

He's not a child or an idiot. Why should he need it spelled out to him that it's not very nice to say you'll spend the day with your partner and then spend it doing your own solitary activity? And then invite them to a film they (presumably) know you don't like with a person they (I also presume) know you don't get on with?

He also 'rarely clears up' after the OP cooks for him and needs 'hounding' to do so. And he leaves his dirty plates on the floor, for the tidying-up fairy to collect I suppose.

He sounds like the brat here.

pictish · 13/12/2014 13:49

When bakeoff puts it like that, I can't say I disagree with her.

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IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:51

I think I'm more pissed off that he said he wanted a quiet day in with me then went out. No he doesn't come off ps4 to eat. If he's gaming and I make food he'll eat it on the sofa in front of the ps4.

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Bakeoffcakes · 13/12/2014 13:51

You're not a nag(hate that word) you're a saint for putting up with such rude behaviour. He's obviously addicted to his PS4. Is it a recent thing or has he always been like this?

IloveOreossx · 13/12/2014 13:53

I love him to pieces and when we do spend time together its amazing and I know he works hard for us as a family.70% of the time I get nothing from this relationship though.

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