To consider getting DD and iPad for Christmas?

[lollylolster]

I know from other posts that iPads/tablets can be controversial but DD1 is nearly 13, mature, responsible and very tech-savvy. She would really like and iPad for Christmas, is happy for it to be an older model, second hand refurbished and if she gets that doesn’t want anything else. She also says if she’s lucky enough to get one she would happily share with DD2 (10). I think this is a very reasonable request and we can easily afford it (we have a good income).

DH is very against it. He thinks she’s too young, doesn’t need it since she has an (old) iPod and we shouldn’t be buying into all the commercialism/consumerism of Christmas.

DH seems very proud that he doesn’t have a smart phone, we don’t have a wii or an xbox or a laptop or any other tablets. Although he actually has an iPad – this was provided by his work and because of that no one else is allowed to use it (unless he needs help with something).

I’m 10 years younger than DH and work in IT. I totally get the appeal of an iPad and think she would get fantastic use out of it, whether it’s researching for homework or watching a movie (DH controls the remote for our TV).

I’m struggling with everything just now and this seems to be getting to me more than it should. I lost DM quite suddenly a few months ago (I’m an only child, dad died when I was 4 so we were very close). I asked DH to help with Christmas this year since he’s had a lot of time off work and I knew I would struggle to cope, but he refused saying I just had poor time management. So I’ve managed to get everything organised except DD1’s main present. I just can’t bring myself to spend the same amount (or more) on something else when I could actually get her the one thing she really wants, and now it’s getting closer.

I’ve tried to talk to him about it but he says he’ll get furious if I mention it again, and there’s no way I should even consider going behind his back when he’s said ‘no’.

I’m not sure if I’m maybe just trying to compensate in some way? DD’s were very close to DM who loved to spoil them at Christmas so I know that’ll leave a big gap this year so I feel it’s up to me to try & make it special? Is DH right, have I just lost all perspective?

[Fooso]

I think it would be the perfect present - we bought my DSD (ten 10) a tablet last Christmas from Tesco and it was the best present she's ever had - she wasn't expecting it and she was delighted. She is on it all the time, chatting to friends, games etc and it's handy when you're having long car journeys etc. I'm sure all your daughters friends have something similar that is the world they live in.

[fuzzpig]

13 is a great age for it. I thought from the title you meant a 3yo or something :o

[Oldraver]

Get the I-pad, ditch the (D)H

[Allbymyselfagain]

Sorry DH controls the remote for the tv, refused to help you organise christmas AND had said if you try to discuss this with him anymore he'll get furious? Did he support you when your DM died?
He sounds like a bit of a shit to be honest. If it's all she wants and she's already been a good girl and agreed to share it and as long as you have parental controls and can check it periodically then I think she should have one.

[Fooso]

They are about £70 I think.. perhaps you could add up what you would spend on other things which she probably wouldn't be looking at in 12 months time and show your DH - a tablet is the gift that keeps on giving!

[basgetti]

It's a perfect present. (And your DH sounds like a controlling arse).

[curiousgeorgie]

My 4 year old is getting an iPad... At your DD's age, no issues at all!!

[lollylolster]

Thank you all for your supportive messages. Of course all her friends have had tablets for years. She's a fantastic daughter and coped with a lot recently (DM died the night we were supposed to go on holiday so that was abandoned, she dealt with it very maturely and was great with her sister). She's doing really well at school (top classes for everything) and in her other activities (distinction in recent grade exams).

I guess my problem really is how to tackle DH. No, he wasn't much support when DM died.

[Johnogroats]

I think there is more to this than an iPad. Fwiw, given her age, sure, I would absolutely give her a tablet. I'm holding out for mine (8&10).

But you sound like you've had a tough time, and DH sounds awful from what you say. What are his redeeming qualities?

[Topseyt]

My 12 year old uses my old nexus 7 tablet. Fine with it.

I am not sure I would like to be spoken to in the manner your husband used. I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms that I didn't appreciate it and that my opinion was as valid as his.

Sounds like the best present.

Moral of story seems to be, be careful what you wish for when asking a hubby to help organise Christmas. I will count my blessings that mine keeps largely out of it.

[Quitelikely]

You tackle your dh by standing up for yourself. Go and order that iPad and tell him it was something you would have to agree to disagree on.

I think your dd has been taught whatever it was he was trying to teach her considering all of her friends have had one for years.

You can go above his head, he's not the boss. You have tried reasoning with him. You don't need his approval for everything you do.

[thatsmyname123]

My 4yo is getting a tablet, not an iPad but I see no reason why you shouldn't get one for a 13yo. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion but I see no problem, as long as you limit the time they are on it and use parental controls, no probs

[Quitelikely]

My 2 year old had a tablet! To watch movies on and to play educational games.

Times are moving on, you can either get on for a ride or stay and watch from the side.........

[XmasEveDallas]

Get the iPad and LTB. Sounds like you and your DDs would be better off without him.

(And FWIW, My DD is 9, she's had an iPad since she was 7 and this year her school bought 30 iPads and 30 other tablets for use in the classroom - there is also a local schools initiative where 4 kids from 10 schools spend one morning once a week at an IT workshop run by Apple employees. DD was lucky enough to be picked and has learned so much in the last 4 weeks that I'm asking her IT advice at home!)

[lollylolster]

Again, thank you all! I think you've clarified my thinking. I guess I was expecting him to not to agree with the idea (he seems a bit of a techno-phobe), I just wasn't expecting him to 'forbid' me to go ahead. But he's not my boss, we should be able to agree to disagree with me still doing what I think is right.

Cheers

[Mama1980]

I am not in favour of technology, I use a ipad, my 17 year old has one but my three younger don't (oldest is 6 though if they asked I would consider it) and we have no tv, they don't have phones etc.
BUT I think 13 is a ideal time. You say yourself she is responsible, doing well, grateful etc etc. I would definitely get it.

Kinda worried about how your husband speaks and treats you though. You are equal, you don't need his approval and why on earth isn't he being more supportive? And sharing the tv remote?!

[higherhill]

Buy the iPad. What's the worst that could happen? your dh sounds a complete control freak and a spoilsport who wants to suck the joy out of everything. sorry to hear he wasn't much help when your mother died.

[NotYouNaanBread]

If she's a tech savvy 13 year old, there might be better things to get her - a slimline laptop and a coding course? Coding Academy, for instance.

Your DH is being an arse, but he is also entitled to his opinion. You could spin it towards being educational by something that teaches her a valuable skill.

[TheQuibbler]

Your husband appears to see you as a (junior) employee. I am not quite sure what I would do if my DH told me I had poor time management skills but I don't think it would end particularly well for him.

It sounds as though it is a perfect present for your daughter. If you are genuinely worried about your husband's reaction to your decision, then you probably need to tackle that situation. He needs a bit of a reality check about roles and responsibilities within relationships.

[YuleStoryBro]

We've bought our 10 and 11 year olds an iPad each this year. I think they're plenty old enough.

[SimoneAdriaan]

Buy her the iPad! Your DH seems quite controlling and if you can afford it then i think its totally reasonable. Your DH might be a bit of a technophobe himself, but technology is a part of almost everyones daily lives and will 100% be a large part of your daughters life now, and in the future!

[marne2]

Ignore your dh, I'm sure most 13 year olds have a iPad or tablet, my dd's have been sharing a iPad for a few years now ( they are 8 and almost 11), we have bought dd1 her own tablet this year, she didn't want a iPad so she's getting the hudl2 ( as her friend has one ) and I have bought dh the iPad mini so we don't have to keep using the big iPad and dd2 can have it to herself.

[NotYouNaanBread]

I think if you go ahead and buy the ipad when you know your husband is against it, you will be causing a row needlessly, and there WILL be a row. The ins and outs of your relationship with your husband are one thing, but Christmas morning, while your DD unwraps her lovely new ipad is NOT the time to sort it out. Don't put you DD in the middle of all things.

Although seriously, he "controls the remote" (is this 1950?), is completely unsupportive, and has a MAJOR chip on his shoulder about technology - I bet there are all sorts of other things you could tell us here, none of which would put him across well. 2015 might be the year you put things on a more even keel, perhaps, so that you don't have to have this dilemma next Christmas.

[NotYouNaanBread]

In the middle of all things? Everything, I meant. That wasn't even autocorrect.

[YuleStoryBro]

Although I agree with Nan that a laptop might be better for a 13 year old.