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To want to smack DH in the face!? In labour

(84 Posts)
ImpatientMamma Fri 12-Dec-14 06:01:58

I don't condone violence normally but I've been having contractions since 4.10am, currently 5 mins apart and 'D'H has been on the toilet for 40 mins. Where the shitting hell are you !?! Come and hold my hand :-(

(PS this is a partially tongue in cheek post.... But I am going to kill him. What is it with men and the toilet. GET OUT!!!!)

GilbertBlytheWouldGiftIt Fri 12-Dec-14 06:07:03

40 minutes?! What is the man doing, carving it into a sculpture?

Still, at least you can't say he doesn't give a shit grin

MeMyselfAnd1 Fri 12-Dec-14 06:07:27

Go and check him, if you are really in labour he may be:

- having a panic attack
- taking a nap in the bath

rumtumtugger Fri 12-Dec-14 06:09:12

Oh dear, it's all too much for the poor wee thing to take!

Good luck op!

GiggleJuice Fri 12-Dec-14 06:09:33

Ooh a live labour thread?? Exciting!

Seriously though - go and roar outside the bathroom door until he comes out. Your DH is obviously having a sympathy poo labour and is to be bawled out for being a diva dealt with briskly. grin

jellyandsoup Fri 12-Dec-14 06:26:36

Tell him to wipe his are and get out there! Good luck (if you can't be unreasonable in labour when can you)

OstentatiousBreastfeeder Fri 12-Dec-14 06:42:52

Has he fallen asleep?

ithoughtofitfirst Fri 12-Dec-14 07:03:32


Good luck! x

elportodelgato Fri 12-Dec-14 07:08:04

Oh dear god, go ahead and kill him, we'll all stand up in court and bear witness that you were SEVERELY provoked and not of sound mind.

On a different topic: OMG you're having a baby!! Massive good luck!

QueenofLouisiana Fri 12-Dec-14 07:08:45

Very little can be considered unreasonable when you are giving birth. Feel free to drag him out with his pants round his ankles. After all a lot of people will be looking at your fanjo in the near future- he could share the experience grin

Gunpowder Fri 12-Dec-14 07:09:53

Yay! Live poo birth thread! Good luck OP!

QueenofLouisiana Fri 12-Dec-14 07:10:55

FWIW I nearly snacked DH when he whinged about backache the day after I had DS. The chair on the labour ward was uncomfortable apparently.... (The 20 hour labour was obviously a walk in the park!)

AlistairSim Fri 12-Dec-14 07:13:10

Perhaps he's not ready to push.

Bloody exciting though!
Good luck!

HSMMaCM Fri 12-Dec-14 07:14:45

Good luck today just ignore him

misskangaandroo2014 Fri 12-Dec-14 07:14:52

He's awake? Blimey. Way better than my ex. Best wishes.

NorksAreMessy Fri 12-Dec-14 07:17:50

Ignoring the main point of your post totally...

Wooooohooooo mamma. Are you going to do a live birth thread?
And possibly a second one for the poo-baby?

BalloonSlayer Fri 12-Dec-14 07:20:43

Well make sure that when he does finally give birth to it, you let us know its weight and get a photo of him holding it, wrapped in a blanket, looking exhausted but ecstatic.

We can suggest names. May I start with Jobby, if it's a boy of course.

ImpatientMamma Fri 12-Dec-14 07:21:22

Your responses have really made me giggle, thank you. He's off the loo; he's complaining that he couldn't go!! Men... Just pulling into hospital car park and he tells me he needs to find a loo when we get in. Contractions 2-3 mins apart now and he's f**king about downloading the parking app when I asked him to make sure he had change. Will. Kill. Him.

ImpatientMamma Fri 12-Dec-14 07:22:03

Hahaha love it; Jobby

youarekiddingme Fri 12-Dec-14 07:24:46

Ooooo live birth thread.

Has DH had it yet? wink

Mamma YANBU. No one can ever be unreasonable whilst in labour.

Are you going to keep updating us?

ToffeeCaramel Fri 12-Dec-14 07:37:49

Please keep us up to date on the poo labour

TongueBiter Fri 12-Dec-14 07:47:03

Mine 'had to' have a shave and walk the frickin' dog before he took me to hospital.

Hope you're progressing well and DH doesn't miss the birth through being sat on the bog!

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom Fri 12-Dec-14 07:48:49

My dad refused to take my mum to hospital in the middle of a storm two hours away until he finished checking his emails.

Idontseeanysontarans Fri 12-Dec-14 07:48:52

Ooh hope all is going well!
When I was in hospital with our eldest the mw phoned DH (then DP) to come in as I'd started to progress rather quickly - he turned up an hour later (hospital was 5 minutes away) stinking of turps. Just ambled through the door.
I grabbed hold of the collar of his shirt and growled 'where the fuck have you been?' At him and pulled him right down into my face blush he said afterwards that he thought I was going to go for his throat..
Turns out he's been using turps and had a shower to try and get the smell off him as he knew it made me feel sick...

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom Fri 12-Dec-14 07:49:14

Pressed post too soon!! Good luck, how exciting!!!

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