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To think it's stupid when people say "he's like that because he's a boy!"

(14 Posts)
IsChippyMintonExDirectory Thu 11-Dec-14 21:20:21

My 18mo DD is fairly boisterous and I always get "she's very boisterous for a girl". I really don't understand what this means, should girls be dainty?!
My friend said something similar about her DS today, she has an older DD and she says she can "tell he's a boy as he's much more headstrong and outspoken than DD ever was at this age!"
He's 6 months old.

My brother has a 2yo son, I have avoided taking DD round as my nephew Knocks seven bells of shite out of her. She has come away with scratches, bruises and once a black eye before. But the excuse my whole family spin is "ah boys will be boys he's just being a wee lad, they're rougher than girls!". Then of course when my DD cries at being bashed by him it's cos she a girl and 'girls are sensitive'. I wanna scream "no, your son is too brutal because he's encouraged to play fight with his much older brother and my DD cries cos she is shit scared of him".

AIBU to think it's ludicrous to put behavioural traits down to gender?

IloveOreossx Thu 11-Dec-14 21:26:44

It is bloody ludicrous, to say the least!

Whatsthewhatsthebody Thu 11-Dec-14 21:26:59

Your dd had a black eye?

A 6 month old is outspoken

Ludicrous.

You need to stop visiting if your dd is that intimidated by him. Family or not. Your friend sounds daft.

There's no differences between boys and girls at 18 months.

There are more differences as approach teens but again you can't generalise.

Yanbu.

MrsKCastle Thu 11-Dec-14 21:29:23

Yanbu.

Children are all different.

outofcontrol2014 Thu 11-Dec-14 21:30:42

It's not just stupid, it's corrosive and wrong. And it leads to all kinds of problems in later life, when these maladjusted young boys can't cope with real life, the need to clean up after themselves or even to think about the wellbeing of anyone else. And then these 'boys will be boys' parents turn around and do handwringing over why on earth modern women wouldn't want to date their completely incompetent, incapable and obnoxious little darlings.

Honestly, the greatest gift mothers can give sons is to bring them up exactly as they would a daughter.

YANBU.

WidowWadman Thu 11-Dec-14 21:31:38

If my second daughter had been a boy I've no doubt people would put her character down to being a boy. But she's just herself. Stereotypes are silly.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory Thu 11-Dec-14 21:31:43

whats yes a baby black eye if that makes sense (probably not) - he smacked her in the eye with a toy train piece and it was all purple and swollen under her eye sad shit myself going to the doctors to check it was ok! And yes we've not visited in a good few weeks now and it's staying that way for a while!

lightgreenglass Thu 11-Dec-14 21:33:21

YANBU.

Wow. A 6 month old outspoken. How stupid.

You should scream that he's a bully otherwise they won't stop his behaviour and it will become more of a problem as he gets older.

My brother always get the he's so thoughtful and considerate for a boy - or it could be he's a nice human being!

IsChippyMintonExDirectory Thu 11-Dec-14 21:33:52

Great post outofcontrol I agree and sincerely hope that it will all be undone in this generation so boys and girls can grow up without these pre-set expectations based on what genitals they were born with!

SoonToBeSix Thu 11-Dec-14 21:35:24

Of course there is a difference at 18 months. Genitals are not the only difference between boys and girls.

WorraLiberty Thu 11-Dec-14 21:36:39

YANBU

I have 3 boys and they are all very different.

Bulbasaur Thu 11-Dec-14 21:47:30

Sort of a nature vs nurture. Boys are encouraged to play rough, and as they get older will continue to do so. Girls are encouraged to play gentle, and as they get older will continue to do so. So it's a self fulfilling prophecy.

But purely anecdotal I was rough and tumble while my brother was gentle, of my cousins aggressive play is pretty mixed across genders, but the rougher ones were the ones with developmental delays and learning disorders. One also had some LD's and was one of the gentlest ones, and he was a boy.

In any case, boy or girl there's no excuse for a black eye. Ever. My cousin who had some developmental delays and was extremely rough never did that to anyone. Your brother needs to put the fear of god into your nephew and tell him that this isn't ok. Where are you when this is happening? Please tell me that two toddlers aren't being left alone unsupervised to play together. Really, that's the bigger problem. The gender stereotyping is just icing on the shit cake.

Your brother needs to crack down on your nephew. You need to protect your daughter. The fact that she has come away multiple times with bruises and scratches and you still haven't stepped in to separate them is just terrible parenting on your part. Really, it is. Either don't bring her around, or sit there and watch them so they don't get too rough. hmm

WorraLiberty Thu 11-Dec-14 21:51:20

I also can't stand girls being referred to as tom*boys*, just because they like to play fight, climb trees and get muddy.

IsChippyMintonExDirectory Thu 11-Dec-14 22:06:32

Your brother needs to crack down on your nephew. You need to protect your daughter. The fact that she has come away multiple times with bruises and scratches and you still haven't stepped in to separate them is just terrible parenting on your part. Really, it is. Either don't bring her around, or sit there and watch them so they don't get too rough. hmm

I don't just sit there and let it happen. The first time it did (he pushed her over) I brushed it off as things toddlers do, then sat with them since when they played. I didn't want to get too precious over it and storm out going "we're never coming back" over one push. However he is quick with a scratch or a hit out of nowhere and the train in the eye (probably the third 'incident') was the last straw, they haven't been together in the same room since. But thanks ever so for the assumption that I'm a shit parent hmm <hopes thread isn't derailed>

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