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AIBU?

To not want to go on holiday with in laws

49 replies

chazbomb · 10/12/2014 23:07

In short. In laws have offered a slightly subsidised Disney trip, not sure I can stick 2 weeks with them though. Would love to go with my boys and dH, but also divorced brother in law and 2 nieces they want to stay in a villa together could get a bit cosy after 2 weeks. This holiday will still cost more than the one we have planned for next year. Don't want to sound totally ungrateful.... But love my time with my little family in the Summer!

OP posts:

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Lymmmummy · 10/12/2014 23:15

Perhaps tell a white lie and say you have already booked something for your holiday - and then do disney another time?

chazbomb · 10/12/2014 23:27

I could tell the little,white lie but DH really wants to go as would be a lot more expensive to go without the in laws? Just feel like it could be a nightmare. Brother in law has just said doesn't think he can go due to cost but he will send his kids on their own! I could end up with my 2 ds's 1 dss plus 2 neices. My in laws are great with kids but think I could end up looking after 5 kids on my summer holiday rather than 3!! My nieces are 15 and 17 but will still need to be looked out for!

OP posts:

CocobearSqueeze · 10/12/2014 23:27

2 Weeks is too long. How big is the villa?

holeinmyheart · 10/12/2014 23:31

I went on holiday with two of my children and their partners and children last year. My DD and her husband stayed two weeks and my son and DIL stayed a week.
We all seemed to get on OK but then I haven't been party to my DIL and Son in Laws real thoughts.
Having a MIL is not the same as being one.
If you can't stick it out for the sake of a cheaper holiday then I don't think You can go.
However, Florida Disney is utterly amazing and I would go back like a shot. I went with my job and it was blisteringly hot and I stayed in the Disney Campus. I wasn't responsible for a child.

If it is in the Summer next year you will be out a lot and you can arrange to separate from time to time.
Perhaps you could establish some ground rules regarding who pays for what and ask to have days out just as a family. Any reasonable PIL would find it quite nice to have a child free day.

zipzap · 10/12/2014 23:40

Definitely don't go if you think that you are going to be used as free childcare!

And plan a separate disney trip for a different year or two - when maybe you have saved up enough as has your bil so he could go too...

chazbomb · 10/12/2014 23:52

I think we should ALL go or non of us but DH thinks it would be great to go as our 2 plus are a perfect age(6 and9) SS will be 15 (plus we would find it too expensive without in laws help)If BIL can't go I think it's a bit odd for his girls to go and even worse if they can't even go at all as BIL will find it hard for spending money for them. Not right grand parents spending money on 3 GC and 2 missing out. Don't want to sound ungrateful to I laws though. I think it should be equal. Any people that have done Disney with big age gaps....how does it works? Is there a lot of standing about queuing for the older ones on rollers coasters etc that the smaller people can't go on?? TIA. X

OP posts:

chazbomb · 10/12/2014 23:54

No villa in mind but anyone with ones that might be good would be appreciated. Thank you x

OP posts:

JT05 · 11/12/2014 08:07

It sounds like it will be a real imposition to you. Don't go. Why not suggest to PIL that they donate the money to a charity that takes needy children on holidays?

LIZS · 11/12/2014 08:12

Can you find somewhere with separate villas next door or do one week with them and a second week on your own elsewhere?

fluffyraggies · 11/12/2014 08:18

Tricky if your DH really wants to go.

Have you expressed your worry to DH that you'll be taking on a lot of child care for 2 weeks if BIL sends his kids and doesn't go?

I feel your pain OP. If DH wants to do it you may have to suck it up this one year.

Years ago i managed to wriggle out of a villa holiday with XHs parents and all the family by falling pregnant with DC2 It was all booked well in advance, and i would have been too pregnant to fly by the time we went. It was a happy coincidence. The rest of them went; fell out half way through week 1 and fought and argued through week 2. I was well out of it.

(not suggesting you get preg. to avoid the hol of course! )

GoEasyPudding · 11/12/2014 08:25

You would of course end up looking after the older ones.

The older ones would not want to do the same kind of rides that the younger ones want to do. Plus they wont be used to maing compromises for younger kids either. This doesn't sound like a great holiday really.

Which part of the hols would the PIL be paying for? Accommodation is often the cheaper part.

Hakluyt · 11/12/2014 08:32

Why would 15 and 17 year olds need to be looked after? If they don't want to go on the same rides as the little ones, send them off to do their own thing and arrange to meet for lunch.

It will be 6 people to look after 3 children. A perfect ratio!

oswellkettleblack · 11/12/2014 08:38

Why would you be lumped with the kids and not your husband?

LIZS · 11/12/2014 08:41

isn't it 5 kids ?

tryingtocatchthewind · 11/12/2014 08:54

I would definitely say the older girls can go off by themselves in the parks and meet up for dinner and shows, the parks are easy to navigate and safe. Their villas are huge so you won't be too much on top of each other. Id want the whole family to go though but yeah I'd do it in a heart beat. You might love it

RedToothBrush · 11/12/2014 08:59

15 and a 17 year old need looking after how exactly? You are playing a bit of a martyr on that one.

Hakluyt · 11/12/2014 09:01

Nope. 3 kids, OP and her Dp, PILs and two older teens. As I said, perfect ratio.

misskangaandroo2014 · 11/12/2014 09:08

Can you suggest one week, rather than 2? I am doing my best to avoid a Disney based holiday so I'm biased, but aren't all the other things to do a bit of a trek (which would mean lots of car journeys etc). 1 week would be easier to plan out, less of a time to be living in each others pockets.

TheBoysMamma · 11/12/2014 09:14

I get the not wanting to share the same accommodation for 2 weeks unless you all get on really well.
However, 15 & 17 year olds are not kids and won't need much looking after. Depending on their personalities they could be great for the younger kids and may want to take them on rides etc

Quitelikely · 11/12/2014 09:19

If you can't appreciate the offering for the sake of your dh and children then can I suggest you stay at home and let them enjoy it without you.

I just don't get why you think BiL should be doing this or GPs can't do that etc. and teenage girls do not need you taking care of them. Believe me they like their independence.

LoonvanBoon · 11/12/2014 09:40

Would you be party to any discussions about potential villas, OP? I can certainly understand concerns about accommodation sharing, & would personally want to know how that would work, how many bedrooms & bathrooms there would be, etc. etc.

But I can see that if someone else is paying then you may not have much control over this. That might be an issue for me.

Agree with other posters about the teenage girls, though. There's no way you're going to have to escort them round the parks & wait while they go on rides. Obviously, check with BIL that he's not expecting that kind of supervision for his DDs, but it seems unlikely to me.

When my sister & I were that age my mum (lone parent) was in hospital for about 3 weeks & we ran the house reasonably competently between us, got to school, organized meals, looked after pets, got ourselves to events & so on. There's no way we needed babysitting at 15 & 17.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 11/12/2014 09:42

6 and 9 is a perfect age, BUT depends on when you are going.
If you are going to Florida during the peak summer months, it gets VERY hot. Many 6 and 9 yos don't thrive in that heat. Many hours are spent in the hotel pools or water parks.

I can also say that 15 & 17 do not need 'minding' in the theme parks. They will need lifts to/from. But will be perfectly safe to do their own thing.

Are you planning on hiring 2 cars? Or a bigger van? If two cars, there is greater flexibility with different family members going to different places at different times.

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NickiFury · 11/12/2014 10:03

"Why not suggest to PIL that they donate the money to a charity that takes needy children on holidays?"

Really?! Are there actually people that could suggest that with a straight face?

PIL: "we would like to help take our grandchildren to disney, would be a lovely memory etc"

OP: "No thanks, I don't want to have to be one of four adults looking out for two teenagers (one 17 and only one year away from being an adult) as well as my own three. Hey, I know why not donate all the cash to charity to pay for other children to go instead?"

PIL: ""

I've read some precious posts on here in my time been responsible for a few as well but this one really takes the cake!

Nanny0gg · 11/12/2014 10:30

Why can't the older two do their own thing and just meet up from time to time?

Can't see the problem myself.

Hakluyt · 11/12/2014 10:43

"Why can't the older two do their own thing and just meet up from time to time?"

AND pitch in looking after their young cousins sometimes. The younger ones will love going off with the older ones a bit AND it will give the teenagers the excuse they need to go on all the younger rides!

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