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To think that there are two types of parents

(70 Posts)
littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 10:37:19

1) those who adapt their opinions to suit their behaviour and choices
2) the guilt ridden

And to ask for help to move into the first category.

DoraGora Wed 10-Dec-14 10:39:36

I don't understand. I've got opinions on space travel. But, they've nothing to do with my behaviour or my choices.

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 10:40:27

Sorry, with regard to parenting.

AnnieLobeseder Wed 10-Dec-14 10:41:40

Well, I'd say I'm the type to adapt our behaviours and choices to the needs of the whole family (myself included - I won't be a martyr) and then, knowing that I have made the best decisions that I can even if that means that not everyone will be happy or have their needs met 100% of the time, refuse to feel guilt since everyone will be happy and attended to 80-90% of the time.

CatCushion Wed 10-Dec-14 10:43:42

There are lots of different sorts of parents. Are your children teenagers?

DoraGora Wed 10-Dec-14 10:45:16

It's a nice idea. I'm not sure how often the number one type happens. There are some people who, having realised that they can't be a no1 type, avoid having children. And, then, I think that there others who are stuck in the mud, have children, and then wish that they hadn't.

Sorry, that didn't help, did it.

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 10:47:20

I probably shouldn't have posted. I'm knackered. I should probably sleep train the baby. It is my opinion that it is in his best interest for him to sleep. But I don't have the energy or emotional resilience to get on with it. I'd be much happier if I could convince myself I was some kind of Earth mother doing her best instead of feeling guilty that I am a broken arse.

DoraGora Wed 10-Dec-14 10:49:34

Oh, I see. Well, if it helps, I tried with my second daughter and gave up after about a week. She seems to have turned out alright.

CatCushion Wed 10-Dec-14 10:54:14

You are an Earth mother! Well, you have to be, what other planet could you be from?

I read far too much into your OP...your DC wanting a sex change aged 8...wanting to take up pole dancing at 12...deciding on a career as a tattoo artist/terrorist/vicar at 18...

You have so much adapting to do to your DS's choices, OP. Enjoy adapting to the simple things like sleep, give yourself a break. grin

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 10:57:24

I don't know. He is as shattered as I am. He is miserable, I'm miserable, dh is miserable. Yesterday I tipped a cup of cold tea into the bin instead of the sink. If I felt I was achieving something with this I might be able to cope with it better. If I could convince myself that he was better off for sleeping next to me instead of feeling like I was failing I might feel less hopeless.

listed Wed 10-Dec-14 10:58:10

You don't have to be an Earth Mother doing her best, just a mother doing her best.

Which you are doing.

Ergo, stop feeling guilty.

listed Wed 10-Dec-14 10:58:59

How old is the baby? Does he share a room with you? What's his sleep pattern?

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 11:01:48

I've seen friends and family spin on a penny when it comes to fitting their beliefs to their choices. I won't be specific because it's neither here nor there but with feeding/ discipline/ childcare the whole gamut, they just shift their view and off they go, guilt free. Not one says well we do this but I believe this...

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 11:03:02

He's almost 11 months old. Dh has given up and sleeps on the spare bed. I don't know if I am depressed, exhausted or both.

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 11:05:34

What I want is to be organised, with a routine, a decent night's sleep, not shitty with the older kids because I'm tired. I can't get there because all the above takes energy I don't have.

CantBeBotheredThinking Wed 10-Dec-14 11:08:57

What routine do you think would work around all your children? How does your baby sleep during the day? How many wake ups and for how long at night? Do you work, on maternity leave still or a sahm?

listed Wed 10-Dec-14 11:09:54

I accept that what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another, but honest to God stick him in his own room, make sure he's fed, watered, clean nappy and the right temperature and leave him to it.

Your sleep is just as important than his, in fact more so because you don't get to nap in the daytime.

A bit of angry screaming never harmed anyone.

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 11:12:23

I am talking bollocks. There was a point when I thought this co-sleeping thing was for the best. I thought it got the whole family more sleep and what have actually done is annihilated my own well being. And I am sulking because everyone else seems to have it easier.

Sorry, I'll leave this now. I thought I had a point but it is clearly just a pity party. Thank you for posting.

My main beliefs when it comes to child rearing / parenting are

1) Most of us are muddling through trying to do our best
2) Most children turn out ok in the end despite different parenting styles
3) The best parenting strategies are the ones that work for your family at the time.
4) Children and family dynamics are changing all the time so a rigid approach is unlikely to work.

I told DS1 (now 11 YO) that I was making it up as a I go along because I have never been a parent before. He seemed to accept that.

raltheraffe Wed 10-Dec-14 11:14:42

Worries me a little this thread. You talk about feeling guilty, feeling miserable etc.

Do you think you could be depressed? Perhaps have a chat to your GP and see what they think?

ScarlettOHaraHamilton Wed 10-Dec-14 11:14:55

You sound exhausted, which is no surprise if you've had 11 months of disturbed sleep!

Why don't you start a thread in the Sleep topic and see if anyone has any advice for finding a way you feel comfortable with for encouraging better sleep.

Oh, and tell your DH that his sleep isn't more important than yours, and the least he can do is one night a week so you can catch up on your sleep hmm

You are allowed a pity party when you are knackered with a baby. Its one of the few times that you are.

flowers hope it gets better soon

ScarlettOHaraHamilton Wed 10-Dec-14 11:16:08

PS - MN is here exactly for the "pity party" (which this isn't anyway) and to help us get through things we're struggling with!

littlemslazybones Wed 10-Dec-14 11:20:46

I don't know how you would know where exhaustion ended and depression began. I'm concerned I'd end up medicated because I can't nail my son's sleep, which is pathetic.

My dh can't help much, he is running his own business, and we need that to keep running. Also he suffers with anxiety which gets worse if he gets too tired.

raltheraffe Wed 10-Dec-14 11:22:54

It is difficult to tell the difference between exhaustion and depression, but GPs are highly trained in ascertaining what is wrong and can offer support

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