Will try to keep this brief but it's been going on a while so this may not be possible.
A couple of months ago, DM had a huge argument with her sister during a very fraught time when my nan had a fall and needed a lot of care. I say an argument, it basically consisted of my aunt telling DM what she really thought of her (and us) and was basically an extremely nasty tirade, very personal and unnecessary during a stressful time.
DM did not say anything back, and she is the type of person that would rather forget about anything nasty, brush it all aside and pretend it never happened. She was devastated at the time, and I had lots and lots of tearful phonecalls saying (among other things) how Boxing Day wouldn't be a family occasion any more. She usually has my elderly parents over on Xmas Day and then either hosts or goes over to my aunt's house on Boxing Day.
My eldest DS has autism, and does not cope with large crowds well, so for the last couple of years, we've tried to keep Christmas quite low key. Last year we went away to DH's family, and this year, we planned to stay at home quietly.
But since DM was so upset, I invited her over to ours on Boxing Day, which she accepted, but only grudgingly. It was quite obvious she didn't consider that to be a family Christmas.
Since then, all has been brushed aside with my aunt and their big Boxing Day shindig is going ahead as normal. A couple of weeks ago DM asked whether she could just come for lunch on Boxing Day only so she could still go to my aunt's. Fair enough, that's her choice, although I was a bit hurt really.
Now she's making it really obvious she things we should be going too. I have said no about twenty times over the last week, but I am getting a LOT of guilt-tripping. It seems every time I speak to her, she's trying a new angle.
Now she wants to take our kids with her, which I just don't want. I know DS1 won't cope, there will be over 20 people in a smallish house, the excitement of presents and all the noise will be too much for him and he will have a huge meltdown at some point. DM is quite naive about his autism and I just don't want to leave her in charge.
She gets very tearful every time I say no, saying I'm ruining Christmas for her as she wants to spend it with the DC (but can't spend the day with them here). She's also saying we're being really rude since everyone has bought DC presents and we owe it to them to let them see the DC open them.
I live less than a 5 min walk from my aunt and I am not exaggerating when I say we NEVER see them. Only at Christmas and birthdays, and then they all sit around with catsbum faces because obviously they hate us so much, which she admitted when she was yelling at DM! So why should I owe anything to them, let alone a stressful Christmas for DS? If they want to see the DC open their presents, they could invite us round separately, or come to ours, but they won't.
Every time this has been brought up, I have been as reasonable as possible with DM and explained my thinking behind my decisions, but she's been in tears to my sisters and generally martyrish, saying how all she does is try to please everyone and how horrible I am for upsetting her so much. Am I being unreasonable to not want to spend a difficult boxing day with someone who hates us?
And to be a teeny bit jealous that DM doesn't consider being at mine on Boxing Day to be a family Christmas?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
To wish my mum would just stop pressuring us over Boxing Day?
40 replies
Sahkoora · 10/12/2014 10:17
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.