Hi, my DH of 12 years left me while I was having cancer treatment this year; he left me for his little tart who is half his age. I have two small children and now want to make a will in case this aggressive B*stard of a disease gets me. I live in fear that soon-to-be-Ex-DH will marry the silly little tart as soon as he can...and then if I die and they divorce, won't she get half of MY house? The one I've been paying half the mortgage on for 12 years? And then what happens to my children? I am trying to protect my kids and sadly get my affairs in order so please be kind because unless you've been in this position it is hard to imagine how scary it is.
Questions -
Can I somehow protect the kids and if so how?
Do I have to tell STBExHusband about my new will?
Do I have to leave any of the house to him or can I leave all my part to the kids and therefore they'll get 50% if I die and he gets 50%? So they either all live here or it gets sold and 50% of the profits go into my kids bank accounts? (and won't my exhusband just withdraw it from their accounts as the adult on their accounts?)
I have savings - can I put in the will that this is to go the kids education, either privately or for university and if not used for this, for their inheritance at age 25? Otherwise the silly girlfriend will just spend it.
Can I state that certain people (my brother) are not to receive anything, or is it the case that if I don't mention them specifically to receive something in the will, then they won't get anything?
Can I state that certain people (my brother) are never to have unsupervised access to my children?
Can I specify my preference for guardians if I happen to die after my STBExHusband? (& who would the children be automatically 'offered' to if not? Are grandparents and uncles and aunts automatically asked if they can care for the children?)
Sorry for all the questions - I think there are some legal whizzes around this board and I'd be grateful for your input.
MNHQ have commented on this thread
AIBU?
To want to make a will that screws EX DH's new girlfriend?
bottomsup2 · 09/12/2014 19:14
No answers I'm afraid but I'm sorry your going through and I hope you have a lot of support and keep strong 
I think it would be money well spent to ask a solicitor to draw up this will for you. They will advise the best and most watertight way to write it.
I wish you all the best with your treatment 
I really think you need to see a solicitor as your circumstances sound quite complex.
If you & your ex own the house as joint tenants you can severe the joint tenancy which will enable you to leave your half to whoever you choose.
You can put that in trust for them & a presume would not have to have your ex as a trustee, ditto your own personal savings.
The guardianship issues I would imagine would be more tricky to sort out if you ex is around and wants to have the DC's.
This is an awful thing to have to consider so I hope this doesn't come across as insensitive, but would it be worth investigating getting a power of attorney drawn up for yourself in the event that you are unable to manage your finances/medical decisions?
I do hope that you get through this horrible time & have better fortune in the new year 
.
No advice I am afraid, but what a lowlife thing to do when you are your most vulnerable. 
Best wishes for your recovery
He can't marry her till you two divorce, and the divorce would mean he can't inherit automatically from you. However, worst-case scenario, if you should die before the divorce is formalised, yes, you can make a will now, without his permission, leaving all your assets to your children and naming trustees who are not him. In British law you are NOT required to leave anything to your spouse. You can actually do this without being divorced.
But if the relationship is fraught, make sure you appoint someone (or several someones), known as trustees, to act for the children to claim those assets (eg half the house) that you would normally have claimed yourself during the divorce. Make sure whoever you choose is up for it: talk to them first. Best if it's a relative that the children know well; that would weigh with a court. A sibling is better than a parent because they're in your generation; if they also have children that's also good, shows stability etc. Helps if they live in the same place more or less, minimum disruption. (You can definitely appoint more than one trustee, but make sure they can work together or at least not fight, and remember though they needn't also be guardians, it's kind of complicating for long-run financial arrangements if the guardians aren't trustees.)
If you are not yet divorced and have no custody agreement in place, preventing your X from becoming the children's guardian will be more complicated. In fact, it could be impossible even if you are legally divorced, and you might (gently) wish to ask yourself whether it is really best for them to lose their father completely if they lose you: even if he's only second-best, he may be at least second-best, rather than 14th-best, do you see?
A notarised letter of wishes, spelling out what a will would normally spell out (ie what happens to your £££ and what you would like to see happen to the children) might help. You can also make a will in anticipation of the divorce you need to consult a solicitor and make sure the will specifies that it is made in expectation of the divorce I believe, sorry, not my area of law. Normally wills are invalidated by marriage or divorce, but should be okay if made in planning for a marriage (or divorce) due to happen.
I am so sorry. I hope you have good moral support from your own family and friends.
p.s. If it makes you feel any better, you are not alone. A lot of men seem incapable of handling DP's or DC's illness and just scarper off after the diagnosis. If you can find a cancer support group you may well find other women in this position. 
Yes definitely get a good solicitor. Mumblechum on here did our wills and she's great, find her (maybe in Legal) and PM her.
Our wills specify who is to be the DC's guardian but I don't know what happens if one parent survives (the clause we have only applies when both of us are dead) - I think your STBExH would automatically get custody as he would have parental responsibility and it would be a matter for the family court if your preferred guardian were to contest custody.
Re money you have in savings I think you should specifically ask the solicitor if you can have one will now and then update as soon as your divorce goes through - marital assets are I assume tied up by the divorce proceedings? You can ask about a trust, which would be held by a trustee you nominate until your DC reach an age you specify, which keeps the money from your ex and new girlfriend. Terms like education are usually not made binding but you can include it if you feel the trustees may not respect your wishes I think (recalling all this from conversation with mumblechum - do get some expert advice).
It would also be good to get the divorce solicitor and wills solicitor to be aligned I assume, as I don't know how those two areas would overlap in other ways eg if via the divorce you get to remain in the family home but only for as long as the children are minors (normal if you are primary caregiver I believe) but I guess the details of that arrangement would affect the terms of the will?
Good luck, it sounds awful
And of course much love and from one who survived cancer twenty years ago and is still very much here to one who is going to survive and be here twenty years from now.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.