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AIBU to call someone out on being a hypocrite?

(14 Posts)
DontBeAGoop Tue 09-Dec-14 11:14:42

I've Name changed for this as This may well out me and I have posted some very personal and private things under my usual name.

Friend started a very negative rant about breastfeeding mothers on Facebook. How they are extremely judgy and that bottle feeders get so much more negative comments and stares compared to a breastfeeder.

She had received a bad comment from some arsehole about her feeding method so lumped every breastfeeder in their own little box and basically labelled them snooty and judgy. We all think we are better than her, look down our nose etc.

I took offense to this, not just because I breastfeed. But because the first time I ever breastfed in public she sat opposite me and said the thought of BF physically repulsed her. We was talking about her own baby at the time as she was pregnant. She wasn't stating that anyone BF repulsed her, just herself. Which was fine she's entitled to her own opinion. But it made me feel extremely self conscious nevertheless.

In her little rant she stated that she really wanted to BF but couldn't due to medication and BF women make her feel bad for not being able to do it. Which contradicts every conversation I ever had with her during her pregnancy where she continually stated its weird, repulsed her and makes her feel uncomfortable.

I decided to mention her comments to me " well you sat in front of me and stated that the thought of breastfeeding physically repulsed you, I remember thinking 'as if she has actually just said that in front of somebody feeding in public for the first time' it works both ways, both sides should take care not to make negative comments about another feeding choice"

She didn't like that, I think I might have made her look like a twit. I couldn't not say anything though. There was 6 people and over 60 comments about it. All painting anyone who BF in a very bad light.

I'm wrong for saying this, I'm making it up to make her look like a twat (i have numerous messages were she has said it repulses her, did I make those up too?) I'm just trying to make myself appear better than her because I BF and she can't. And finally I'm jealous. Of what though I'm not entirely sure.

WIBU to point out that she too is guilty of making the same type of comments that she had just publically taken issue with? Or should I have stayed well out of it?

CockBollocks Tue 09-Dec-14 11:24:38

Honestly, I think your both being pretty inflammatory and childish. Yabu

DontBeAGoop Tue 09-Dec-14 11:27:07

Could elaborate on how I'm being inflammatory please?

isthisunfair1967 Tue 09-Dec-14 11:28:35

Why is she your friend on facebook?

You both sound 12.

EduCated Tue 09-Dec-14 11:31:00

SWBU to have a silly rant on FB. YABU to join in and fuel the fire.

There is also the small possibility that the medication is true but that she was upset by it so took the repulsed line with you, whether out of jealousy, sadness or whatever. She could also be a great big hypocrite. But FB 'rants' and comments never have and never will be the way to resolve such matters.

Is she a friend worth keeping?

CockBollocks Tue 09-Dec-14 11:32:14

Because you know full well your comments will cause an argument for everyone to watch. If you choose not to have a public argument then you are not being inflammatory.

GettingJiggyWithIt Tue 09-Dec-14 11:33:09

Avoiding Facebook is your answer.
Or blocking/defriending.
As to those comments seeing as you didn't stay out of it you may as well go for gold and reply to each one...;-)

I'm not wrong for pointing out that people living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones/that people criticising judgy people shouldn't be wearing Judgy Pants themselves.

I am not making it up to make her look like a twat. She is doing a very good job of that on her own.

I am not making myself appear better because I can bf and she can't...a baby gets fed either method and neither trumps the other. That's my point judgy people. Although as you are all getting on my tits right now I would avoid the wet patches if I were you.

I am not jealous of mums who sterilize bottles prep milk and warm up at stupid o'clock in the morning...I am in awe of them as it takes energy i don't have and I respect the fact that it can be just as knackering.

GettingJiggyWithIt Tue 09-Dec-14 11:40:33

But that's just me.
In for a penny in for a pound.
I really couldn't care less about the bf vs ff debate fwiw...both methods means a baby thrives, both have pros and cons. It's the competition and snarkiness that's crazy. But I probably would have not typed what you did originally....I would have said something like: Oi! I breastfeed and don't wear judgy pants. Til now.

dreamingbohemian Tue 09-Dec-14 11:42:18

No, I don't think you should have posted that. If you felt that strongly about it, you could have written her privately and said you were offended by her post. But what you did was basically humiliate her and call her a liar in front of all her friends. Ouch. That will be far more painful to her than however offended you were by her BF comments.

Facebook is not a court of law, you are not under oath, and people can and do make up stuff all the time. You should just roll your eyes, not start a catfight.

DontBeAGoop Tue 09-Dec-14 13:24:16

I couldn't care less about how parents choose to feed their children. I don't think I'm better than anyone for breastfeeding and tend not to judge others. But it really annoyed me to see her complaining about how awful she has been treated by breastfeeding women and how she 'wouldn't dream of making comments like that to them' well no. She had made comments like that to me, her friend of twenty years.

As the point of her status was to supposedly encourage people not to make such comments. I feel my post was relevant and showed the issue from the other side. There was a lot of segregation on there and it was coming across as 'us against them' and that's not right. I wanted to show that both sides suffer the same and therefore both sides should make an effort not to make negative comments on feeding methods.

I figured after being friends for so long she would understand that I wasn't trying to be a bitch and was pointing out her own mistake so she could work on it like she was telling others to do. Lord knows she has pointed out my mistakes many of times. Publicly and privately.

CocobearSqueeze Tue 09-Dec-14 13:28:55

Personally would have sent her a private msg. I'm not a fan of public arguments.

MinnieM1 Tue 09-Dec-14 13:29:18

Things like this silliness is why I haven't got and will never get Facebook

DontBeAGoop Tue 09-Dec-14 14:19:30

I don't usually engage in public conversations either. But there is enough stigma surrounding breastfeeding where she (I used to) lives as it is. It doesn't need to be added to by claiming all breastfeeding mothers are snooty and judge, they like to make bottle feeders feel guilty etc. That's not the case. There are people who make thoughtless comments on both sides. I proved that with my example of her own comments.

She knew what she was saying would be very personal to me she started the whole thing with 'now I know I might get some negativity for this but I really hate how breastfeeding mothers think they are so much better than everyone else. Bottle feeding mothers get way more negativity than BF mothers'. We was discussing how many dirty looks and tuts I still get just a few weeks ago. She knows I have been asked to move Into some stinking toilets to feed my DC and that I've had teenagers try to take a photo of me whilst I've been feeding in a restaurant.

Its like the 3rd 'I really hate/don't get how some mothers do XYZ' rant in as many days. each one she has done her self. "i really hate mothers that give unsolicited advice" she says less than a week after spending ten minutes giving me unsolicited advice because she's a mother now and even though her child is just a few months old she knows everything there is to know about 1 year olds.

zaracharlotte Tue 09-Dec-14 14:40:42

You're being inflammatory because you didn't need to say that in public. Public arguments are so tacky.

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