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to be SO upset by my sil?

(16 Posts)
UKdee Tue 09-Dec-14 09:34:42

I offered to mind db and sil's children recently when their child minder was sick. I am a sahm so took my baby with me and left older children in the care of dh and neighbors and went to London (I'm in Bristol) to mind dn's. They are easy children and so it was not an onerous task. I was there for 3 nights. On my last evening sil came home and immediately popped out ("for 2 minutes") to collect something from a neighbors house before dinner. db and I waited and waited (for her to come back so we could have dinner together as I had already fed the children) but after two hours we went ahead and ate. She finally came home 3 hours later (10pm) having gone to a bar for drinks with the neighbor. I am really insulted or hurt (not quite sure which) as I thought we had a really good relationship. We have always gotten on very well but now I realize (maybe over-analyzing it) that she has made points in the past about how I am not her sister. Well of course I'm not but I thought it would be respectful to have said to the neighbor something like: I'm sorry I can't come out, sil and dh are waiting for me....
I really want to get over this as we do have to be in each others company at family events and I don't want to harbor resentment so tell me IABU!! (or does it sound like she probably doesn't even like me and was desperate for me to leave)

quietlysuggests Tue 09-Dec-14 09:39:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GettingJiggyWithIt Tue 09-Dec-14 09:40:00

But rude of her yes.
That said she may well have thought you two could have a catch up.
I would have liked to have spent some time -drinking- with my brother in front of the TV tbh.
Or maybe she had already made plans and was expecting you to leave when they got back.
Still rude though.

GettingJiggyWithIt Tue 09-Dec-14 09:42:24

Not making the leap to her being an alcoholic.
Kids were tucked up already?
Maybe she is just a spontaneous -reckless arse- free spirit, preferably gin.

SunnyBaudelaire Tue 09-Dec-14 09:42:27

perhaps she was delighted to be able to get out for a change?
I wouldnt take it personally, it is more a reflection on her life than yours.

misskangaandroo2014 Tue 09-Dec-14 09:42:37

She knew her husband was waiting for her to eat and she decided to go to a bar without telling him (let alone showing some common decency in sharing a meal after you'd looked after their children)?
I think they've got some problems.
As for future events I'd be mercilessly taking the piss whenever she 'just popped to do x' but that's because I do have a good relationship with SIL. If her bad manners threaten your relationship but somehow you feel you have to be cautious then you need to stand up a little bit more. Hopefully she'll (humbly) apologise. Smartish.

Mrscog Tue 09-Dec-14 09:43:32

It's rude, but not worth wasting your energy being upset over.

LaurieFairyCake Tue 09-Dec-14 09:45:42

I think not mentioning it to you comes long behind her leaving her DH to go out on the razz without even mentioning it.

It was good of you to look after your brothers children, I hope they both thanked you a lot.

BlackeyedSusan Tue 09-Dec-14 10:19:12

maybe she sent a text and it did not arrive. (is she on three? they are terrible sometimes)

tracyrobo Tue 09-Dec-14 11:16:25

She was rude but not worth you losing any sleep over. Try to forget it any maybe not be so helpful in future. Was your DB upset? If it did not bother him then let it go.

ChoochiWoo Tue 09-Dec-14 11:23:06

she sounds like shes irresponsible and has issues with drink,I don't think this is about you.

SaucyJack Tue 09-Dec-14 11:35:40

I don't think it was disrespectful of her to go out. You were there with your brother.

But the not texting was incredibly rude and irresponsible.

Having said that..... why didn't your bro chase her I'd be ringing round hospitals if DP disappeared for three hours. (Well ok, I'd send him a text asking where he was). Does she have form for just upping and leaving?

ApprenticeViper Tue 09-Dec-14 11:36:00

Did neither you nor your DB ring her to find out where she was, or had she not taken her phone with her? If someone popped out "for two minutes", and wasn't back within half an hour, I'd have been ringing them out of concern for their safety I think. But YANBU to feel a bit rejected.

If she hadn't taken her phone with her, I certainly wouldn't have postponed eating for two hours in case she decided to come home. If her meal was ruined, that's her fault for being so inconsiderate.

ApprenticeViper Tue 09-Dec-14 11:36:47

X post with Saucy, sorry smile

Purplepoodle Tue 09-Dec-14 11:37:54

What did your db say? Surelynifnsjensaid she was just popping over to pick something up from a neighbours he would have gone looking for her when she s isn't come back.

Purplepoodle Tue 09-Dec-14 11:38:12

Surely if she said

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