Advanced search

40th Birthday Party

(17 Posts)
Handsupbabyhandsup Tue 09-Dec-14 02:51:04

I invited an acquaintance to my 40th birthday party who responded by text and Facebook saying her and her husband were coming. The pretty small party happened and they didn't turn up.

Over 2 weeks have gone past with no contact from her. So I messaged explaining that I was upset and that I was upset not because they didn't come but because they didn't bother to send a quick reason. The reply I got back said - they were sorry they were unable to get to the party (no reason given apart from - these things happen), that they didn't mean any disrespect and that she was unsure why I'd feel upset that they hadn't bothered to contact me.

AIBU to be upset over this. I find it really rude that you would accept an invitation and then not bother to explain your absence. But I'm hoping that others don't see it that way so I can move on quicker - I can't totally avoid these people.

sunflower49 Tue 09-Dec-14 03:38:48

YANBU, that is bloody rude IMO.

Charitybelle Tue 09-Dec-14 03:43:37

Yep, they were being rude. Unfortunately it seems quite common now for people not to RSVP to things, or to RSVP and then change their minds if something better comes along and not let the original hosts know. It's not seen as particularly rude anymore by a lot of people I know, but IMO it's incredibly disrespectful.

I see you say you can't avoid these people. Maybe don't cut them off, but certainly I would make no more effort with them personally. I would not be extending any more invitations in future. If it was a small do, sounds like it was a privilege to be invited. One that they obviously didn't appreciate...

BikeRunSki Tue 09-Dec-14 03:51:51

It was rude of them not to tell you they weren't coming, but I don't think they need to explain why. In a similar situation once, years later the non-attending guest told us she'd had a miscarriage that night. At the time no one really knew she was pg, clearly not something she wanted to talk about. Maybe something more important and aensitive happened to your non-attending guest?

Wonc Tue 09-Dec-14 04:28:47

Yanbu. Something similar recently happened to me. It's rude. It takes about 10 seconds to send a text.

Littleturkish Tue 09-Dec-14 06:06:00

YANBU never invite them to anything again.

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange Tue 09-Dec-14 06:27:42

Perhaps there is something personal going on that they don't wish to share.

In therory it's easy to send a quick text but you don't know what may have been going on.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll Tue 09-Dec-14 08:22:41

They didn't have to give you a reason for not turning up as it might be something they just don't want to tell you but they could've at least let you know they weren't going to be there after all. It's really not that difficult to do and it would piss me off as well.

ladymariner Tue 09-Dec-14 08:25:22

YANBU. A text takes seconds to send, just very bad manners not to let you know.

Vinomcstephens Tue 09-Dec-14 09:39:33

YANBU! I had this - at my wedding! A couple just didn't turn up despite having RSVP'd that they were and telling me 2 weeks before how they were looking forward to it. I did fall out with then after I'm afraid - if they couldn't make it that's fine, it was an invite not a royal command, but not to tell me?? So rude.

But I then got over myself and we're mates once more but I don't think I'll ever quite forget how rude they were...

Tinkerball Tue 09-Dec-14 09:44:28

Yanbu, very rude. And even if they couldn't text on the night itself they've had 2 weeks to do so and now don't see the issue.

TiggerLillies Tue 09-Dec-14 09:55:26

Yanbu! I was upset by ppl that bailed out of my wedding and that was with prior warning, though in two cases - no reason. I'd much prefer that someone tell me a white lie if they don't want to share the real reason. But then I'm weird like that!

Beanie99 Tue 09-Dec-14 10:30:32

YANBU. I was invited to a 40th birthday party a few years ago, along with 2 other friends both of whom confirmed to the host that they would be attending. The night before, one of them decided she couldn't be bothered to go and announced that friend 2 wasn't going either, neither of them told the birthday girl. At the actual party it was me who faced the questions from the host, 'Where are XX and XX?' and had to decide whether to tell the truth or make up some crap excuse on their behalf. So I think if they don't come, fair enough but they should have at least let you know.

catsmother Tue 09-Dec-14 10:39:22

Agree it's very rude.

There may well have been something personal going on, but, like Tigger, I think a quick white lie about an innocuous complaint like D&V for example is preferable to saying nothing at all.

Although it may be a fib, the fact that someone goes to the effort of making contact at all, and expresses regret at not being able to attend, is the important bit ... it shows the host is being thought of (which might be pertinent e.g. at a sit down meal where seating needs to be shuffled about, or where serving food would otherwise be delayed awaiting the non-show guests) and, IMO, is also about acknowledging that the invitation is appreciated.

It's a cliché but 'manners cost nothing' - and now you have an awkward situation going forward which could have easily been avoided had they been more polite.

Fallingovercliffs Tue 09-Dec-14 11:19:01

YANBU. Even if it's something private they don't want to share they should at least have contacted you, apologised for not turning up and given some kind of plausible reason.

Handsupbabyhandsup Tue 09-Dec-14 17:53:19

Thanks for all your replies. I thought maybe I was being unreasonable as she really doesn't understand why I'm upset! And going forward it's the last time I'll offer an invites

CocobearSqueeze Tue 09-Dec-14 18:07:57

What if they are fighting and nearly divorcing and don't want to tell you? One of them should have cancelled but life isn't always great for everyone...

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: