My dad letting DD nap for hours?

[Fanfeckintastic]

Gah, another Monday night with DD (3) still awake

My dad very kindly minds my DD every Monday from 12pm till 6.30pm, he won't accept money or even any few bob I throw into her schoolbag for their lunch (he brings her out for lunch) so I'm massively grateful and wouldn't be able to afford to work if he didn't, for the other days she just stays on in playschool until 1.30/2pm.

The only problem is he just let's her nap for ages when she doesn't ordinarily have any nap, so she ends up totally out of her routine for a couple of days. I've said Oh try not to let her sleep past 4pm, or no longer than an hour etc but because I'm being fairly breezy about it, I don't think he takes me seriously. I really don't want to criticize or dictate to him because he's doing me a huge favour and DD can be quite tiring so he definitely relishes the little break but it's getting ridiculous when she's still up at 10pm!

Would I be unreasonable to tell him the napping has to stop or should I just accept it comes with the free childcare territory?

[confused79]

Definitely not being unreasonable. I would be the same with my kids, I used to be very strict with nap times, always waking them up after an hour and a half of napping, and waking them at 8 in the morning etc... I wouldn't be too impressed at all if someone was ruining the routine. However, he is doing childcare for free so maybe mention that he was up all night because he napped during the day (exaggerate if you have to) and see if that helps...

[redskybynight]

Presumably your DD wouldn't nap if she wasn't at least slightly tired? If so, it sounds like she's at that very difficult stage where if they have a nap they are up all night, but if they don't have a nap it can be very difficult to keep them awake, in which case you may be asking your dad to do the nigh on impossible.

Random though - but how about letting her have a controlled nap on the Sunday (so she has it just after lunch for a limited time). This might mean she isn't tired for a nap on Monday and so doesn't.

[puntasticusername]

I don't think YABU. You're right, you need to address it with him more seriously than you have done. And if you are careful to frame it not as "it's a pain for me when she won't sleep at night" but "it is upsetting and bad for her to have her usual routine thrown right out of whack so regularly", no loving grandparent would be able to ignore that, surely?

You say he relishes the break while she naps - that was my first thought on reading the whole post - is he really up to continuing to mind her for you? I know it works well for you financially and with work, but longer term: she's only going to get bigger, older, more demanding and less inclined to nap, and he's only going to be getting older and slowing down more himself! If I were you, I'd be starting to think about other options for the future.

[Fanfeckintastic]

Thanks for the replies

redsky that's not a bad idea at all, our weekends usually involve days out and lots of running around etc so she probably is really wrecked come Sunday evening.

puntastic yeah I thought the same when I was writing that actually but it's just more to do with them being a bit bored at the moment as the weather here is really freezing at the moment, he usually has her out on her bike, in the playground etc but his car is off the road at the moment so they haven't much to do except Lego, puzzles and watch telly together which can get old pretty quickly.

I'll definitely have to broach it again, she's still up

[puntasticusername]

Ah, iswym. Maybe if it's too cold to go outside much or walk anywhere, they could go on expeditions on the bus together, find some indoor stuff further afield to explore? Museums, shops, soft play, whatever.

[anothernumberone]

Have something on some Monday night and let her stay overnight. When, at midnight, she potters into his room and climbs over him in the bed because she can't sleep and wants to chat like my 3 year old would do after that much sleep he might start to understand. My mother had one or 2 similar experiences with ds who doesn't need much sleep at night to begin with. Now she wouldn't let him sleep a minute in the afternoon if he was staying with her overnight.

[Discopanda]

Does he keep toys for her at his house? Maybe if you put together a 'busy bag' with stickers, extra crayons, etc she'd spend more time playing by herself quietly and he could have a bit of a break. Wilkos do some great little arts and crafts kits.

[GettingJiggyWithIt]

My 4 year old still has naps at kindergarten and is subsequently a night owl horrendous to get up in the morning.
But they let her sleep as she is naturally tired and it makes the staff rotation easier.
Vicious circle.
That said if yours is anything like mine then 6 1/2 hours is a long time....I have been known to let mine sleep for as long as poss on a duvet day or weekend just to catch my breath. Her dad allowed to do the same if having her on his own as he tears his hair out at the 3 hour mark.
So if it was my dad babysitting for free and I could not afford to replace/upset him then I would mention I was knackered and tunes morning was dire but I am not sure I would bite the hand that feeds tbh.

[GettingJiggyWithIt]

Tuesday not tunes. stupid kindle.

[Whatsthewhatsthebody]

Totally feel for you op.

However child care settings are not actually allowed to wake children up and nurseries have been reported and visited by Ofsted for doing this.

As a cm I always tried to not let the children nap past 3pm but couldn't allow that to show in my daily records.

It's crazy.

[catsofa]

Could you give him a ring at 4 to ask if she's still asleep? Or do people think that would be horrible?

[PlummyBrummy]

I had the opposite problem with DM who would regularly say she couldn't get DD to sleep on the one day she looked after her. She'd come home howling like a banshee and wrecking everything. I had to be straight with her eventually and say it wasn't fair on DD or us. We got a second hand cot (instead of the bed she'd tried to make her nap on) and blackout blinds to help things and it appears to be working - phew! I think a lot of sense is being spoken by the OPs here. A straight talk, little nudge reminders and a couple of clever little quieter toys to extend the relax-but-not-asleep time should hopefully do the trick!

[CrohnicallyAnxious]

whatsthe really? I could understand if it was against the parents' wishes (or the parents wishes were unknown and the nursery just assumed) but if you have filled out paperwork detailing DO NOT LET THEM SLEEP PAST 4pm Or similar, surely nurseries should then be able to wake them?