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To worry my friend is storing herself up some serious problems between her and her DH?

(69 Posts)
WonderingWillow Mon 08-Dec-14 19:31:54

Joined again recently after a break away from MN.

I have a dear friend who lives just down the way from me. She came over to mine last week and brought her DD's (1 and 4) with her to play with my DS (also 4). The topic of christmas came up and she said she was buying her DD1 an iPad. I was surprised since her daughter has already dropped both of her parents' iPads and smashed the screens beyond repair. I said she should definitely put a protective screen/case on this one, and we were googling some. She said they were too expensive, since her DH doesn't know she's even bought the iPad in the first place, and he had been against it in the first place.

She bought it on a credit card she kept from years ago when she was working, took delivery of it and has wrapped it up. She won't tell her DH and he won't know until Christmas morning.

I am worried for her, because they have been having problems, and she's been saying he's been nagging her about money and how she spends it.

This morning she texted me and said she was thinking about buying a second iPad for her DD2, in case she got jealous. I haven't texted back, because I don't want to look as if I agree with her concealing this level of purchase from her DH.

What's the most reasonable thing to do?

1) ignore totally
2) give her my opinion and advise her to return the iPad before it causes a row
3) go along with it and pretend to agree with her

I value her friendship and I want to be the best friend I can be to her.

listed Mon 08-Dec-14 19:33:27

She's sounds like she's in denial.

I would reply and say that she should ask her DH what he thinks, that it's very expensive and won't it be awful if there's a row on Xmas day?

WonderingWillow Mon 08-Dec-14 19:34:20

I should clarify; she has bought an iPad mini 2 or 3 I think, not a big full massive iPad. But it's still expensive.

Pancakeflipper Mon 08-Dec-14 19:34:24

It's not your place to worry, is it? I doubt anything you say will stop her doing what she wants. Tell her to ask her husband what he thinks.

WonderingWillow Mon 08-Dec-14 19:36:36

Well I said 'what does DH think?' And she laughed and said 'oh he doesn't know! I just bought it on my old credit card and wrapped it!' Like it was a big joke. She said he wouldn't cause an argument on Christmas Day, and then just brushed it off.

I didn't want to come across bossy, like I'm telling her what to do, and also I wondered like maybe a lot of people do this and I'm just clueless?

PuppyMonkey Mon 08-Dec-14 19:36:42

I'm sure the one year old will enjoy chewing on it. confused

WonderingWillow Mon 08-Dec-14 19:38:18

Oh she's nearer 2, she's played on mine with the older 2 (it's in a drop proof case!!!) and she liked the pictures and watching cartoons on it.

weeblueberry Mon 08-Dec-14 19:38:56

Just say 'since it would be overkill to get too, and I understand your reasoning for the wee one not being upset, why not return the first one' and get them an age appropriate toy...

listed Mon 08-Dec-14 19:39:33

Ordinarily I would say it's their business (and her funeral) but she has asked your opinion so I think you can legitimately tell her the truth.

My one year old has an iPad and loves it smile

weeblueberry Mon 08-Dec-14 19:43:16

Jesus two not too...

Anewmeanewname Mon 08-Dec-14 19:49:15

I feel so lucky when I read about all these smashed screens! Our iPad & Ipad mini are still intact after years of falls, spills and general abuse by 3 dc!

sharonthewaspandthewineywall Mon 08-Dec-14 19:57:16

I'm sorry but why in gods name does a one year old need any kind of technology? The mind really boggles at times

listed Mon 08-Dec-14 19:59:05

Why does it boggle?

A one year old can get the same pleasure from age appropriate technology as any other child!

Pyjamaramadrama Mon 08-Dec-14 20:00:16

It is completely beyond me why anyone, would give a four year old and especially a one year old an iPad.

If she was a true friend I'd probably be honest.

ChristmasInsanity Mon 08-Dec-14 20:01:46

I would just message back something like 'do what you think best, I'd always check with my dh first because I don't think it would be worth any arguments or resentment if I went behind his back, but that's just me'

woowoo22 Mon 08-Dec-14 20:07:44

Agree with pyjama. My 1 year old loves a) tupperware b) pots c) milk jugs and d) actual toys. In that order.

Seems so unnecessary.

MajesticWhine Mon 08-Dec-14 20:10:27

She is obviously isn't asking your opinion about the first ipad, or about the deception of DH, since you have already given your opinion on these. So re. the second ipad, I would say, no don't bother to get one for DD2 she can have one when she's old enough. She is too young to be jealous.

bakingtins Mon 08-Dec-14 20:12:13

So it's fine to buy another £150-200 iPad for her toddler, but not fine to spend £10-25 on a kid proof case to stop it getting wrecked?
I think it's quite deceitful to spend hundreds of pounds that she knows DH will disapprove of, assuming she will need to use 'family' money to pay off the massive credit card bill next year. Even if she was using her own money that still leaves the issue of whether he disapproves of preschoolers having their own iPads in principle, is worried about damage, or just thinks they can't afford it or the money is better spent elsewhere.
Is she asking your opinion or just telling you what she is going to do?

curiousgeorgie Mon 08-Dec-14 20:12:17

I think it's fine to get a 4 year old an iPad... Are you sure she's not joking about the 1 year old?

Viviennemary Mon 08-Dec-14 20:16:52

I agree that although it's nice you are concerned as a friend there is simply nothing you can do about this. If she asks your advice then give it. If not stay quiet if you can.

WonderingWillow Mon 08-Dec-14 20:19:43

baking well she said 'I'm thinking of getting DD2 an iPad like her big sister because Im worried about her getting jealous and grabbing it off her. What do you think?' I haven't replied, but I assume she's asking my opinion. She also said things like 'omg DH will be soooo pissed on Xmas morn but he can't say anything cos it's at my mums lol' and stuff like that.

I would be more 'meh' but she's bought a LOT of other things for her DD's. She showed it to me in her spare room and there must be £500 odd each worth of stuff. Piles of GAP and Next clothes, matching shoes, a jumperoo, sylvanian families with houses etc, the full set of Disney Infinity... So they're not already going without.

woowoo22 Mon 08-Dec-14 20:24:33

She sounds annoying.

fuzzpig Mon 08-Dec-14 20:32:59

I see your point totally but don't think you can, or should, do anything. Not your call.

listed Mon 08-Dec-14 20:35:17

A Jumperoo for a one year old? Really?

DD used hers from about 4 months to 7 months....

fuzzpig Mon 08-Dec-14 20:35:29

Although since she's specifically asked you about the idea of getting another one you could definitely weigh in on that issue specifically. Even if it is something like "I think you're mad wink" <- passive aggressive emoticon

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